My heart started beating faster. Faster and faster with the words that AK was saying. The flames told me he was lying. But in my head, I saw Maddie’s eyes open. I saw her smile and a choking noise fell from my mouth. My hands slipped off Viking’s neck. I stared at AK. “She’s alive. Brother. I swear to you, she’s alive.”
I fought against the urge to kill. I needed to feel pain. My blood sang for someone’s pain. I needed to calm the flames. Maddie calmed the flames, but she wasn’t here. She was in hospital. She was away from me.
I saw a knife on AK’s seat beside Viking. Stealing it, I quickly sliced the tip down my arm. In seconds, the flames escaped, and I could breathe. I could fucking breathe. I felt my blood run down my arm and drop to my thighs. My body cooled, not by much, but enough to look at Vike and AK. “You’re not lying?” I asked through gritted teeth. I looked down at the blade in my hand. It felt good there. I hadn’t cut my skin for so long. I liked it. I needed it. I fucking craved it.
“Brother, I promise. She’s up there,” AK said, pointing to the hospital. “She’s waiting for you.”
“I touched you, brother. I choked you out so she could be saved. Rider had to sedate you.” Viking sat up straighter in his seat. I stared down at the blood painting my skin. It was red. Like normal blood. But I knew there were flames hidden inside. “I had no other choice. You fucking need her. I had to let them save her, and I’d do it again if it had to.”
I breathed through my nose trying like fuck to keep from slitting his throat. It would be so easy. One swipe over his skin. “I need to see her. I need to fucking see her.” Don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt him, I told myself. He’s your best friend. I studied my bloodied skin. It was blackened with smoke. Smoke from the flames in the clubhouse. I hissed when I remembered Maddie on the floor of the clubhouse, flames all around her. I needed to see her. Everything would be better if I saw her. If she smiled.
“Listen,” AK said. My legs wouldn’t keep still. I needed to get in that fucking hospital, needed out of the truck and get to my wife. “Her sisters are with her. She’s not alone. They all had to come here too to be checked out for smoke inhalation. Phebe’s inside too, waiting for me. It was only Madds who was hurt badly enough that she needs to stay.” It was me. It was happening. I was finally killing her too. I’d known it would come eventually. Poppa and Pastor Hughes had told me I would hurt everyone. Maddie… the baby… my mama… Isaiah… “She’s stable.” AK said, but I could barely hear him over my Poppa’s voice. You’re a born sinner, boy. You’ll damn everyone you love. “Flame!” I lifted my head to listen to AK. “The baby is alive. Your kid is okay. They are monitoring them both.” My hands slipped into my hair. I held back a roar. The baby wasn’t dead. Maddie wasn’t dead. “Maddie hasn’t woken up yet. They’re keeping her under sedation while they treat her.”
“I need to see her.”
Viking rubbed his throat. It was red and marked from my hands. I had burned him. That was what the flames could do. I dropped my eyes to my hands. They would hurt Maddie too. They would brand her with my evil too, mark her pale skin.
Viking’s voice was rough when he spoke. “You need to keep calm when we go in. We can’t pay all these fuckers off. You go nuclear, you’ll be thrown out or arrested.” My muscles locked. “They’ll be giving her medication. Examining her. They’ll be people touching her.”
“No one will touch her,” I snarled, just needing to get the fuck from the truck and see her. I needed to bring her home. Take her back to our cabin where no fucker could hurt her. Where I couldn’t hurt her either. Where I could protect her and the baby. Keep them safe. They didn’t need to be in this place.
“Flame. They have to. Maddie needs you to keep your shit together right now. Okay? You wanna stay with her? You’ll fucking shut up and not react when the doctors are helping keep her and your kid alive.”
“You want her to live?” AK said. “Then let them help.”
“She can’t die,” I rasped. Some of the anger seeped from my body at the thought of Maddie dead. The blood dripped from my arms keeping some of the flames back.
“Then don’t react.” His eyes dropped to my arm. “Let’s go. Most of the brothers are already up on the floor where she is. You’ll be better when you see her.”
I gripped the knife in my hand and opened the door. It was light outside. I stood on the pavement and gripped the door when my head spun. “We had Rider sedate you, remember?” Viking said. “We needed to get Madds here and settled before you woke up. As you blacked out from me choking you, Rider made sure you weren’t injured from the fire before keeping you under.” My jaw clenched. They had kept me from her. They had fucking kept me from her all fucking night.
My hands curled into fists. I felt the flames starting to flood my veins. Taking the knife, I leaned against the truck and sliced it down my arm. The minute the blade split the flesh I felt better. I felt my body heat up and my dick started to get hard. I slammed my hand into my dick to get it the fuck back down.
“Here,” AK said. He handed me a towel. “Cover up the cuts. Stop the blood. Put your knife in your cut so security doesn’t think you’re coming into the hospital to hack someone to death.” I put my knife away. Ripping the towel from his hand, I pressed it on my arm and started walking across the street. My fucking legs felt weak. Vike walked beside me on one side, AK on the other. I didn’t pay attention to anyone in our path. If anyone stopped us, I was gonna rip their fucking heads from their shoulders. AK led us to the stairs, and we climbed and fucking climbed until we finally came to the floor Maddie was on. Samson and Solomon were at the entrance. My whole body shook harder as the bright lights of the hospital stabbed at my eyes. The noises, the fucking beeps and alarms were the same ones I heard when they’d kept me strapped to the bed, trapping the flames in my blood.
Maddie. I had to get to Maddie.
We turned a corner and my brothers were sitting on chairs outside a room. Tank stood up. “You good, brother?”
“Where is she?”
“In there,” Ky said. I stared at the door and felt my heart slam against my ribcage. I reached into my cut and gripped the handle of the knife AK had made me hide. I needed to use it. I needed to free the flames. Maddie… Maddie was on the other side of the door. My Maddie. Our baby. And they were hurt.
“Flame. You can go in, brother,” Viking said. I couldn’t move. All I saw in my head was Maddie dead in my arms. Her fucking dead, gone, the flames finally taking her away. I didn’t deserve her. I was evil. I was damned. Maddie was good. I was going to kill her with my evil. I blinked, my vision clearing when Viking stepped forward and opened the door in front of me. My heart fucking stopped. My legs buckled and I fucking dropped to the floor, my knees smashing on the hard tiles. I could see her. Maddie, my wife. She was in a bed, wires coming from her arms, a small tube running under her nose.
“Maddie…” I whispered, but my fucking legs wouldn’t move so I could stand. Someone moved in my view. Maddie’s sisters. Mae. Bella. Lilah. Phebe.
Mae came bent down. “She has been waiting for you, Flame. She is not yet awake, but I know it is true. She will be stronger with you here.”
“Get up, brother,” AK said from beside me.
“She needs you, Flame,” Vike said from my other side. I didn’t take my eyes from Maddie on the bed. I pushed to my feet and walked forward. The smell of hospital made me wanna fucking run. But I kept my feet moving. I walked until I came to the side of her bed.
“Maddie…” I whispered. But she never opened her eyes. Someone moved on the other side of the room. Ash. Ash was getting up from a chair in the c
orner. And you’re gonna be an old man… I heard his voice in my head. He’d known. He’d fucking known that I was gonna hurt her, hurt them both. That I was gonna fuck up as a poppa, just like ours had. He’d been right.
“They said she’ll be okay,” Ash said. I stared at Maddie. She wasn’t moving. She had cuts on her face. Her skin was paler than normal. Her long black hair was splayed out on her pillow, her arms were limp by her side. I wanted to hold her hand. But they hands were covered in bandages. “I stayed with her,” Ash said. He stood on the other side of the bed. “I was staying with her until you got here.” He put his hands in his pockets, head bowed. “They said the baby…” Ash cleared his throat. “They said it was good. That y’all were lucky. It’s still okay. So is Madds.” My eyes moved to Maddie’s stomach. It was getting bigger. The bump showed under the sheet.
The baby was alive… Maddie was alive.
I knew it wouldn’t be for long. I would kill them somehow. I always did.
“Ash?” AK’s voice came from the doorway. “Why don’t you give Flame some time with Madds alone?” Ash walked around the bed and stopped beside me. I tensed, waiting for him to tell me I was fucking up, that I was evil and was gonna hurt Maddie and the baby with my flames. But he didn’t say anything. Instead he left the room. The door shut behind him. I could hear myself breathing. The beeps from the machines hurt my head. I squeezed my eyes shut, then looked down at Maddie. I fucking froze when her hand moved.
“Maddie?” I rasped. My chest was tight, and my cheeks started getting wet. “Maddie?” I said again. But she didn’t open her eyes. I reached out my hand for hers but stopped before I touched her. I pulled back my hand and dropped to my knees. My forehead pressed on the edge of mattress. I felt my throat start to close, like someone was strangling me. “Maddie…” I said, trying to fucking speak. “Wake up… you need to wake up.” I looked up, but she didn’t wake. I wanted to feel her fingers around mine. I wanted to hear her sing “This little light of mine.” I laid my hand next to hers, but they never touched. I couldn’t let them touch.