“Many people find power far more seductive than money.”
“The only thing seductive about Maks’s life is the fact that he’s in it,” Gillian said with pure sincerity.
Queen Oxana’s eyes widened infinitesimally, the only sign that she might be surprised by Gillian’s viewpoint. “Demyan said you did not tell Maksim of your pregnancy.”
“Demyan needs a hobby that isn’t spying on me.”
The queen’s lips tilted in an almost smile, humor glinting briefly in her dark eyes. “He has not spied on you personally.”
Gillian just looked at Queen Oxana, not willing to play a game of words right then. She was at enough of a disadvantage; she wasn’t going to let the older woman lure her into engaging in a sparring match Gillian had little hope of winning.
Her experience with the rich and powerful had taught her the effectiveness of silence and reticence.
The queen nodded, as if Gillian had confirmed something though nothing had been said. “Tell me, why did you not inform my son of your pregnancy immediately?”
“I felt it was best to wait.”
“Why? Did you hope the further along you were, the more desperate Maksim would be to give his child legitimate claim to its place in the House of Yurkovich?”
“No.” What kind of manipulative, self-serving person did this woman think Gillian was?
Depressed emotion overwhelmed her. She’d been feeling so hopeful, but the queen’s doubt and clear disapproval despite her calm air renewed Gillian’s own worries about this marriage born of necessity, not love.
She kept telling herself that even though they didn’t have love, they had something special. How long could the special part of it last though if his mother disapproved and sought to undermine Gillian’s relationship with the future king?
Doing her best to swallow the emotion clawing at her, she said, “Eleven weeks ago, your son dumped me because my medical exam revealed that I have compromised fallopian tubes.”
No shock showed on the queen’s placid features. “Again, Maksim did not share this with me.”
“But you knew anyway.”
“Naturally. Demyan did not learn his habits from a stranger.”
“Was that a joke?” If it was, Gillian wasn’t laughing.
Queen Oxana flashed that barely there smile again. “Perhaps.”
When Gillian made no effort to continue the conversation, the queen remarked, “I have yet to understand why you hesitated to tell my son of your condition.”
“It’s not a condition. It’s a baby.”
“I apologize. I did not intend to offend you.”
No? Gillian just shook her head. “You and my birth mother would get along well.”
“In that, I think you are mistaken.” For a moment, unmistakable emotion clouded the queen’s eyes and it wasn’t humor.
There was no question that for some reason, the queen of Volyarus did not like the feminist politician from South Africa.
“If you say so.”
“It truly was not my intention to offend.”
“I find that hard to believe. Your diplomatic skills rival your son’s, or so I’ve been led to believe.”
“Perhaps my son is not the only one disturbed by recent events.”
Well, that told Gillian where she and the baby in her womb stood in the queen’s estimation. They were disturbing.
“I didn’t tell Maks about our baby because my fallopian tubes are still compromised. If I miscarried, we were in the same place we had been ten weeks ago.” Simply saying the words reminded Gillian what she was ignoring in order to marry Maks. “I would once again be the wrong person to be his princess.”
“Maksim, in his usual optimistic fashion, ignored that possibility, did he not?”
“Yes.”
Queen Oxana seemed to thaw slightly. “Why were you concerned about the viability of your pregnancy?”
“Rates for miscarriage are higher than most people are aware. Stress increases them.”
“Having been abandoned by the man you loved would have caused enough of that commodity.”
Gillian had never said so to Maks, but yes. She nodded.
“You felt like you were defective and worried that increased your chances of losing this miraculous baby.”
Gillian had no idea how the queen came to that conclusion, but she could not deny it. “Yes.”
“Maksim has no idea, does he?”
“Of course not. He wouldn’t know how to feel defective.”
“Thank you.”
Gillian found a smile. “Nana would say you raised him right.”
“Your grandmother is a very colorful character.”
“She is that.” Nana was going to add some interesting spice to royal gatherings in Volyarus.
“I, on the other hand, understand intimately that feeling of defectiveness.” Sadness shone in Queen Oxana’s dark gaze. “I lost three babies after Maksim’s birth.”
Gillian sucked in a breath. “I’m very sorry.”
“Thank you. Some pain is so deep, it never leaves completely.”
The fact the royal couple had married in order for Queen Oxana to provide heirs to the throne made the tragedies that much more poignant.
The queen looked out the oversize cabin windows into a rapidly darkening sky. “I would have enjoyed a houseful of children.”
It was such an unexpected thing for a woman like the impeccable and controlled queen to say, Gillian gasped.
The older woman looked back at Gillian, meeting her gaze with a troubled brown gaze. “You cannot picture it, can you?”
Gillian considered lying, but wouldn’t disrespect the other woman with less than honesty. “Frankly, no.”
“The miscarriages, the dissolution of my marriage in every way but on paper, it all changed me, but one thing I never lost was my desire for more children. I never resented Demyan’s place in our lives. Far from it.”
“Maks considered you a very good mother.” No doubt Demyan had as well.
The man had picked up the queen’s habits by her own admission.
“I am pleased to hear that, but I fear I did him a terrible disservice in raising him so focused on duty and with such a wariness toward love.”
“You know he’s only marrying me because of that deeply ingrained sense of duty, don’t you?” Stupid tears Gillian blamed on pregnancy hormones burned her eyes. Understandably the queen regretted raising her son in a way that made the current situation possible. “I know it, too.”
No matter how much Gillian might wish things were dif
ferent.
“You do not believe my son would have married you without the baby to draw you together?”
“I know he wouldn’t.” Hadn’t the older woman been listening when Gillian told her that Maks had broken up with her eleven weeks ago?
“Maksim has been very attentive the past days he has been in Volyarus for a man only doing his duty.”
“He’s a committed guy. I’m one of his responsibilities now.” And she’d been an idiot to let herself begin to believe it might be something more.
If not love, something.
Right.
“Surely you do not begin to imagine my son does not care for you?”
She almost snarked back, surely you don’t imagine he does. Only Maks did care, if only for the fact she was the mother of his unborn child. “Your son does not love me. He’s been very clear on that point.”
“Has he?” The queen almost looked guilty. “Has he explained why?”
“Can you explain why one person falls in love and another doesn’t?” Gillian asked, trying to get hold of her emotions and knowing she hadn’t succeeded when her voice came out shaky from the tears she refused to let fall.
“He is afraid to love. I made him that way.”
Gillian wouldn’t deny that his mother’s views on the subject had influenced Maks, but ultimately the problem was with what he actually felt, not what he thought about feeling. “He doesn’t believe in love and really, it’s a moot point. If he loved me, he wouldn’t be able to deny it.”
“I think you underestimate my son’s power of will.”
Gillian shrugged, not agreeing but lacking the energy or will to argue the semantics of emotions with the queen.
She was sure the other woman had something else of more importance—to her anyway—to discuss. “Is this where you try to buy me off, or something, your highness?”
“I must insist you address me as Oxana. We will be family.” For once all of the other woman’s emotions showed on her perfectly made up features. And every single one of them was horror. “As to your question, no. Absolutely not.”
“But you think I trapped your son into marriage.”
“No.”
“You asked…” Gillian let her voice trail off.
What did it matter? The queen…Oxana had only brought to the forefront what Gillian knew in her heart to be true. Maks had been coerced into marriage by his personal sense of honor and his very real concern for their baby. There was no getting around it.