“I like your mom,” I said through bites of bread.
“Oh, you guys would get along great. She loves food and music and is on a constant hunt for a good reason to laugh. My dad, on the other hand— Well, if you think I’m shy, you should meet him. He’s much more comfortable with books than people, and it can take him a while to warm up to strangers. Anyway, my parents grew up, and because they were very different people, they ran in different circles. Boy after boy came by for my mother, while my dad was spending weekends in the library.
“When my dad got older, he bought a bike. And one morning he woke up and found the screws for his wheels were missing.”
“No!”
“Yes. And she did this until he wised up and started walking with her to school. And they’ve been walking together everywhere since.”
“That is amazing.”
He nodded. “They married young but waited awhile to start a family. They tell me not to take offense but that they weren’t ready to share each other with anyone else, not even me.”
I shook my head. “I really wish I could meet them.”
“They’d have liked you. Dad might have spent most of the visit hiding in his room, but he’d have liked you all the same.”
Erik uncorked the wine, and we shared fruit and bread and cheese. For a long time we didn’t speak. The silence made everything feel bigger, better. There was no rush to fill the space, and after days and days of sound, the comfortable quiet with Erik was the most soothing thing in my world. It was like being alone without really being alone.
“I have to ask an embarrassing question,” I admitted after a while.
“Oh, no.” He took a deep breath. “All right, I’m ready.”
“What’s your full name?”
He nearly spit out his wine. “I thought I was going to have to confess some dark secret, and that’s it?”
“I feel bad that I’ve kissed you and don’t know your last name.”
He nodded. “It’s Eikko Petteri Koskinen.”
“Eikko Pet . . . Petteri?”
“Koskinen.”
“Koskinen.”
“Perfect.”
“Is it okay if I call you that? Eikko? I like your name.”
He shrugged. “I only changed it because I thought it was too strange.”
“No,” I insisted. “It’s not strange.”
He looked down, toying with the blanket. “What about you? Full name?”
I sighed. “There was some debate over middle names, so it’s Eadlyn Helena Margarete Schreave.”
“That’s a mouthful,” he teased.
“It’s pretentious, too. My name literally means ‘princess shining pearl.’”
He tried to hide his smile. “Your parents named you Princess?”
“Yes. Yes, I am Queen Princess Schreave, thank you.”
“I shouldn’t laugh.”
“And yet you do.” I brushed the crumbs off my dress. “It makes me feel like I was predestined to become a brat.”
He grabbed my hand, forcing me to look at him. “You are not a brat.”
“The first time we really spoke, I corrected your manners.”
He shrugged. “They needed correcting.”
I smiled sadly. “I’m not sure why, but that makes me want to cry.”
“Please don’t. That was a good day for me.”
I questioned him with my eyes, holding on to his hand as he continued. “When you got up onto the float and you were speaking with Henri? After you were done, you looked down to let me know everything was okay. You didn’t have to do that. You were busy and in a rush, and you still acknowledged me. Even after knowing I was the type of person who bit my nails when I was nervous.”
That made me want to cry even more. “Did it start then?”
“Pretty much. And I’ve chastised myself for it every day since. But, of course, I assumed no one would ever know, least of all you.”
“I was a bit slower,” I admitted. “I think it was when you pulled me from the kitchen. You weren’t worried about what was happening, or how we might look running through a crowded room, or anything else in the world, it seemed. I was unsettled, and you brought me back to earth. So many people are in charge of keeping me in line, but no one seems to make me feel quite so normal as you.”
He swallowed. “I’m sorry I won’t be able to do that much longer.”
“You have no idea how much I wish you could.”
After a strained moment of silence, he cleared his throat. “Would you please be so kind . . . when this is over, would you please not contact me? I’m sure you could find me any time you wanted. But please don’t. You have been a wonderful friend to me, and so have these men. I don’t want to become the kind of man who betrays his friends.”
“And I don’t want to become the kind of woman who deceives her husband. When it’s over, it’s over.”
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“But nothing is over tonight,” I reminded him.
He looked down, smiling a bit. “I know. I’m trying to decide if I have enough courage to ask you for another kiss.”
I moved closer to him. “You can ask for one. Or two. Or twelve.”
And he laughed before he toppled backward, the rush of our movement knocking over his glass of wine and sending the candle flames dancing.
CHAPTER 26
I GOT TO THE OFFICE a little later than
I’d intended the next morning. I’d swept back my hair and dressed in a rush, but no matter how much time I spent on my face, I couldn’t seem to wipe away my smile.
It was a delicious feeling, falling in love. I’d had so many luxuries in my life, and I thought I’d had a taste of this before, but I realized now it was merely a cheap imitation of something not meant to be imitated in the first place.
I reminded myself it would end, and I’d already made my peace with it. I knew I was going to choose Kile; I’d told Eikko as much.
Kile would make me happy, and I hoped I could do the same for him. I figured at some point, once Kile knew I was choosing him, I’d come clean to him about some of this. And I knew Kile well enough to know that he’d understand if I confessed to feeling confused about the process and that kissing Eikko wasn’t something I planned, both of which were true. I didn’t want it hanging over us. Any of us.
And a life side by side with Kile was not exactly a prison sentence. He was smart, passionate, funny, charming—a dozen things a husband ought to be. He would be beloved by the people—our people—and he would stand beside me and fight Marid. He was so charismatic, he might even render Marid useless.
And, deep in my heart, I hoped there was a chance that I could learn to love him, now that I knew what that really felt like.
For the time being I had a few precious days left with Eikko, and I intended to treasure each one.
Neena tapped on my desk, bringing my attention back to the present. “Are you okay? What are you thinking about?”
“Umm . . .”
To be honest, I was thinking about the sound of Her Majesty Eadlyn Helena Margarete Schreave de Koskinen, and how suddenly my mouthful of names seemed like a line of poetry. But then I looked into her eyes and saw they were tinged with red.
“About you,” I said. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” she said in a tone that said not really. “It’s just Mark. He’s working such long hours, and now I have to work more, and it’s getting harder to keep in touch. You know, same old. Distance isn’t a big deal until it is.”
I took her hands. “Neena, the last thing I want to do is cost you the person you love. You’re a brilliant girl; you could work anywhere—”