"Me?" I squeak.
"Yeah." Jerrok's voice takes on a husky note that makes my body respond. "I think you should touch yourself. Give yourself pleasure. Ease some of those worries in your mind and reclaim your body for yourself."
It's…not the worst idea. In fact, I kind of like it. When was the last time I masturbated at all? It's been so long I can't even remember. "Right now?"
"Now's a good time."
I lick my lips, gazing at him. "What about you?"
"Do you…want me to watch?" His gaze is shuttered, impossible to read. He's not going to show me what he thinks of that idea, because he doesn't want to pressure me.
I suck in a breath.
It's too much…or is it?
And is it bad that I want to do this?44SOPHIE"You want to watch me touch myself?" I ask shyly. The thought sends a hot little flutter through my body, as well as a pang of distress. I'm all mixed up, but he's watching me with such an intent expression. It entrances me, the way he looks at me, like he's going to die if he turns his head away. I feel like the most important thing in the universe when he looks at me like that, and it's addicting.
It makes me want to touch myself, mostly so I can please him. I take another deep breath, breathing in his scent. I can do this.
He nods, his gaze moving over me with hunger. "You need to show yourself that you can. I think you can. I think you're brave."
My breath catches at his words. Brave. "You'll stay?"
"I'll be right here, watching." His eyes seem even more heated than before.
Part of me wants to tell him to get up and leave, because masturbating is a private thing. You don't just start touching yourself in front of people. It's an intimate sort of touch…but at the same time, I want Jerrok right here. I want to do this to show him I can, and maybe to show myself, too. I want to be brave, and I feel bravest when he's watching me with that look that's both aroused and proud…like it is right now.
I really, really want him to watch. I'm not sure why I find the thought so appealing. In the past, when I was raped by my owner, he did it in the bed in front of others. Praxiians all sleep together, after all, and sex is not private to them like it is to humans. I hated that others watched. It was a double whammy of violation and shame.
I should hate the thought of voyeurism now that I'm free, but…it's not the same with Jerrok. It won't be like that with him. With him right here next to me, it's kind of like we're doing this together. I'm just the only one doing the touching. So I hike up my nightgown, and in the process, move my legs.
Sleipnir grumbles, groaning, then hops off the bed, tail twitching. Maybe he suspects what we're about to do and doesn't want to see it. That's fine with me. I wriggle on the bed, bunching my gown up to my hips. The panties I'm wearing are about as unsexy as you can get, so I quickly slide them off and toss them away so Jerrok can't comment on them.
I glance over at him but he's saying nothing at all. He's propped up on one arm, watching me with that hot gaze of approval. I love that he looks at me like that, and it makes me feel all achy and ever so slightly agitated in the best kind of way. Like I'm going to come out of my skin if he keeps gazing at me like that.
Ever so slowly, I slide one hand between my thighs.
I cup my pussy first. I've cleaned myself, of course. I've trimmed things. But I've ignored myself sexually for a very, very long time. It feels a little strange to carefully slide one finger over the seam of my sex, testing for wetness, and I'm not entirely surprised that I'm dry.
"How does it feel?" Jerrok asks.
I open my eyes—I didn't even realize I'd closed them—and look over at him. I try to think of what to say, even as I glide my finger over my folds again. "I'm not sure."
"You're such a good girl, Sophie," he murmurs. "Such a good girl for even trying."
Oh fuck. Just like that, my toes curl and heat pulses between my thighs. I gasp, using my fingers to push my folds apart and seeking my clit. "Am I?"
"Very good," he practically purrs. "Look at you. So brave."
I stroke the tip of one finger over my clit, and my nerves jump. I whimper as his gaze flicks toward my hips and he watches me. I circle around my clit, then dip lower, seeking wetness. "Keep talking to me," I beg. "I like hearing your voice."