She could only hope and pray that Rory got bored with life at Aysgarth and took himself and his family away from it at the earliest opportunity. Only then would she be free to escape from Frazer and go on with her own life.
Odd to think how once she had dreamed of this—being engaged to Frazer. But not this kind of engagement, of course—a proper one, all hearts and flowers, ring and promises…all the things that girls of eighteen did dream of. But she wasn’t eighteen any more, and those dreams had been as fictional as her present engagement.
She sat up in bed, wincing as she felt a sharp reminding pain grip her chest. She might claim to Frazer that she felt well enough to leave, but she knew that in reality she wasn’t. She had been far more ill earlier in the year than she was prepared to admit to anyone other than her own doctor and her mother, and all through her own dangerous neglect of her health. She had no wish to feel like that ever again. Besides, it was pointless now thinking of excuses to leave. She was committed, and Frazer would make sure she stood by that commitment.
Her bedroom door opened and she tensed, half expecting Frazer to walk in, mentally preparing herself for the sharply painful pleasure of seeing him, but it was Helen who walked into her bedroom.
The unexpected sight of the little girl, for once without her faithful shadow Peter, took Rebecca rather aback.
‘Is it true that you and Frazer are going to get married?’ Helen demanded aggressively.
Rebecca felt her heart drop. She ought to have been prepared for this; after all, she knew how the twins, especially Helen, felt about Frazer, but somehow or other she had been too caught up in her own feelings and reactions to give more than a cursory thought to theirs.
She toyed with the idea of telling Helen the truth, then reluctantly decided that she couldn’t. The little girl was too young to understand the reasons for Frazer’s deception—then she reminded herself hardily that, since it was Frazer who was promoting the importance of Rory and Lillian’s marriage, it was he who could deal with the little girl’s obvious resentment of their ‘engagement.’
‘Yes,’ she admitted, and then because at heart she couldn’t bear to hurt anyone, especially not this outwardly aggressive but inwardly so vulnerable child, she added quietly, ‘But that won’t make any difference to the very special place that you and Peter have in Frazer’s life, Helen.’
Scornful hazel eyes studied her.
‘Of course it will! You’ll make Frazer send us away to school, and you’ll have babies and…’
How well she understood the feelings motivating the child, Rebecca thought wryly, looking at the now downbent head, and suspecting that tears were already darkening the hazel eyes. Tears which Helen didn’t want her to see. Impossible to cuddle and console this prickly little creature…impossible to do anything other than tactfully look the other way while she battled with her emotions.
Both of them were taken by surprise when Frazer did walk in through the open door, frowning a querying look at Rebecca over Helen’s downbent head and asking crisply, ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Helen’s worried that when you and I get married, I’ll make you send her and Peter away to school,’ Rebecca told him sharply, in a ‘now see what you’ve done!’ voice.
She knew from the look Frazer gave her that he had picked up her unsubtle message, and she knew also that she had widened the rift between herself and Helen, when the little girl’s head came up and she said belligerently, ‘I know you want us to go away. Daddy told us last night that you wouldn’t want us here now.’
Oh, yes, she could well imagine Rory saying that. How could he be so selfish and thoughtless? How could he hurt his own children simply out of his need to get at Frazer?
While Rebecca was thinking this, she heard Frazer saying grimly, ‘I own Aysgarth, Helen, not your father, and I promise you that you and Peter will always have a place here.’
‘Even when you marry her?’ demanded Helen, ignoring Rebecca and scuffing one foot on the carpet, her head still downbent, her voice truculent, but under the truculence a note of almost despairing pleading for reassurance.
Rebecca ached for her. How could Rory and Lillian do this to their children? Couldn’t they see how much they needed them? It was wrong that Frazer should have to supply the love and emotional support the twins should have received from their parents, no matter how willingly he might give it.
‘Especially once Rebecca and I are married,’ Frazer said firmly, and then, to Rebecca’s surprise, he came over to the bed and reached down to lift her hand off the covers, holding it firmly in his own, so that his thumb brushed against the pulse in her inner wrist and she was immediately aware of the warmth and strength emanating from him. His free hand he held out to Helen, and astonishingly, to Rebecca at least, the little girl walked over to him, allowing him to draw her into the circle of his arm.
‘Rebecca and I both promise you that you and Peter will always have a home here, don’t we, Rebecca?’
As solemnly as though she were swearing an oath on the Bible, Rebecca said softly, ‘Yes, we do.’
Her fears and antipathy were forgotten in the importance of Helen’s need. Nothing right now was more important than sharing with Frazer the need to reassure her, to make her know that she would always have her own special place here, and she badly needed that knowledge, Rebecca knew.
From the shelter of Frazer’s arm, Helen asked warily, ‘But what about when you and Rebecca have babies?’
There was a small pause, and Rebecca wondered if she had merely imagined the sudden clenching of the hand that held her own. Certainly she was not imagining the rapid increase in her own pulse rate, the shallow, nervous tenor of her breathing as she reacted with unexpected intensity to the lure of those innocent words.
A child…Frazer’s child. Her body ached and tightened as though it already knew how it would feel to have that child growing inside her.
She forced herself to dismiss her feelings and to concentrate instead on what Frazer was saying.
‘Well then, they’re going to need your help to get to know all about living at Aysgarth—and that doesn’t include teaching them to throw expensive anoraks into the millpond,’Frazer added mock-severely. ‘It doesn’t matter how many children Rebecca and I have, Helen, we won’t stop loving you,’ he told the little girl gently.
When Helen burst into tears and hid her head against Frazer’s chest, Rebecca herself wasn’t all that far away from feeling weepy. Frazer would make a wonderful father; he seemed to know instinctively how to react to a child’s needs.
It was only when Helen had gone to find Peter and impart the good news to him that Rebecca was able to say quietly, ‘That’s been on her mind for a long time. She’s petrified of losing you.’
‘All the more reason to give Rory and Lillian every encouragement to start forming a closer relationship with their children,’ he said. ‘I meant what I said. The twins will always have a place here, but already both of them are developing vulnerabilities and anxieties that are going to cripple them all through their lives, unless something’s done about them, and soon.’
‘How long will it be before Lillian arrives?’ Rebecca asked him.
‘I’m not sure. According to Rory she’s just spending a couple of days with her parents. He says she’s the one who instituted this visit, and it certainly isn’t like Rory to volunteer to spend time with the children.’ Frazer made an exasperated sound of irritation. ‘They should never really have had a family at all. I doubt that the twins’ arrival was planned, and of course Lillian is in a very invidious position; she either stays in England with the twins and risks the destruction of her marriage, or she goes with Rory, and endures the separation from her children. In her shoes, what would you choose to do, Rebecca?’ he finished.
It was the first really non-aggressive question he had asked her.
‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. ‘I’d want to be with the man I loved, of course—what woman wouldn’t—but the children’
s needs would probably be paramount to my own. My mother stayed with us until we were both old enough to understand why Dad spent so much time abroad, and why she had to be with him.’
‘Your parents took the trouble to make sure you were both emotionally secure.’
‘Yes, and we certainly didn’t have to live with the knowledge that they might divorce and go their separate ways.’
‘And Peter and Helen do? What makes you say that? Has Rory told you that he’s planning to divorce Lillian?’ Frazer asked her cynically.
‘No, of course not. I was just assuming that the children knew that their parents were having problems.’
‘I doubt it. Children can be remarkably selective about only hearing what they want to hear.’
‘So can some adults,’ Rebecca muttered under her breath, then asked, ‘Did you want anything specific? Because if not, perhaps you’d like to leave so that I can get dressed.’
‘Nothing too specific…just this,’ Frazer told her smoothly, leaning over her and capturing her mouth with his.
The unexpectedness of it gave Rebecca no chance to summon her defences. She felt Frazer’s hand on her throat pushing aside the collar of her nightshirt, his fingers tracing her collarbone, before cupping the round curve of her shoulder.