Tamar’s expression softened. “That’s because your brother is going to wait around until someone’s true character is exposed. Guilty until proven innocent.” She grinned.
I shook my head, words a disparaging tease. “Oh, and Leif is innocent now?”
“Actions speak louder than words, don’t they? And I’m pretty sure that action yesterday said everything that needed to be said.”
It was instant. The assault of images that hit me.
Panic and horror.
That one second when I thought she might be gone.
My spirit curled in on itself, unable to fathom the thought.
My head shook, and I glanced at the floor like it might offer some kind of strength before I forced myself to meet the understanding on her face. “I wouldn’t have made it, Tamar. If I would have lost—”
I choked over the last word, unable to get it out, tears blearing my eyes.
I never would have made it.
“Oh, sweetheart.” Tamar erased the space between us, kneeling down in front of me, her blue eyes searching, her features written in worry and dread. “I know. I know. I couldn’t imagine. None of us could.”
My lips trembled, and I tried to make sense of it. “When I lost Lana . . . I was devastated. Crushed in a way that I couldn’t quite understand.”
I blinked, trying to see through the disorder. “But with everything that’s been happening . . . it’s like . . . it’s like I haven’t really been able to mourn her. Grieve her. But this?”
I couldn’t hold back the tears. They ran hot down my cheeks, weaving across my lips.
Tamar brushed back the hair matted to my face. “But she’s here. She’s safe,” she emphasized.
Comforting.
Encouraging.
“What if it wasn’t an accident?” The worry was out before I could hold it back.
Pretending it had been was so much easier.
But my spirit wouldn’t allow for it any longer.
I could feel the intention.
The cruelty.
The hate.
“What if someone is out to hurt my baby? I just have this . . .” I touched my chest, trying to find a way to put it into words. “This . . . horrible feeling. Right here. That something is so terribly wrong and I don’t know how to stop it.”
A tear slipped free of Tamar’s eye. “We don’t know any of that, Mia. And I know that’s not a good answer, but the one thing I know is we are in this together. We are all going to be here, making sure you and your babies are safe, until we find out who is responsible. Do you hear me? You are not alone. Besides, I know of somebody who wants to get real close.”
Only she could make me laugh in the middle of this, and I was peeking at her, letting the confession bleed free.
“I slept with him last night.”
She didn’t look all that surprised. Still, she seemed cautious. Careful. “Was this . . . a trauma thing? You looking for comfort? Or something more?”
Emotion bottled in my throat, words barely slipping by. “For me? It was more. I think it was more with him since the first time I saw him.”
A sigh pilfered through her nose. “You’re falling for him.”
My nod was shaky. Reluctant. Wondering if it made me a fool.
“That obvious, huh?”
She grinned, playing softly with a strand of my hair. “It’s hard to miss. The two of you are like a chemical reaction every time you get in the same room. Half the time, I think I need to duck for cover.”
“I think maybe I should be the one ducking for cover.” The confession scraped from my tongue.
Every question.
Every reservation.
She touched my chin.
“Why would you say that?”
Restlessness left me on a bolt of air. “That man is written in scars, Tamar. And all those wounds have him barricaded.”
Blocked off.
No access to his dark, brooding heart.
I inhaled a shaky breath. “But that doesn’t seem to matter because there is this part of me that feels like his heart is already mine when he’s made it abundantly clear it can never be, and I’m pretty sure mine is already well on its way to getting crushed.”
Brow twisting tight, she tipped my chin her direction. “Don’t you know that we’re all always halfway there? On the verge of getting our hearts shattered because we never know what tomorrow will bring? The question is, do you want to take the chance on something magnificent that might be waiting to come to be?”
“Does it make me a fool that I want to take that chance? In the middle of all this? Is it absolutely stupid and reckless for me to go after what I want?”
“No, Mia. No. It means you’re still living. Still fighting for what you want. Still enjoying every day. Don’t let whoever this sick asshole is steal that from you.”* * *The playroom was chaos. Packed with every child in our family.