Or maybe fitted jeans and a tight tee.
I couldn’t decide which way I liked him best.
I guessed love blotted out those sort of lines. It was the whole sight of him that left me undone.
Melanie shot me a wry grin. “Look at her, Mabel. She has literal hearts in her eyes.”
My mama smiled slow, looking at me with question and worry and hope.
I glanced between the two of them.
“I love him,” I whispered the declaration into the air.
It was the easiest one to confess.
I turned my attention to my mother, having the compulsion to give her the admission. To let her know that this meant something.
She gave a slow nod. “Oh, sweetheart, I could have told you that.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“It was written all over you the second the two of you walked through the door yesterday. You’ve always worn your heart on your sleeve, and it was bleeding all over the place.”
I nibbled at my lip, trying to quell the emotion I could feel rising up, the questions that came in waves.
Reminding me that I wasn’t close to having all of this sorted.
That I was still a mess.
That I still had to face Cory tomorrow night.
Maybe that would be the biggest obstacle of all.
“It scares me . . . to let myself feel this way again. I hardly know Royce,” I said, unable to stop some of the worry from oozing out.
My mama held my face in one of her hands as she angled her head to meet my eye. “All that matters is that your heart is listening to who he is, sweet girl. Time has no bearing. Circumstances no relevance. The only thing that matters is that you’ve looked to the inside.”
“I worry I keep missing the important parts.”
Mama frowned. “You can’t judge yourself over Nile. You two fell in love young . . . and it was always an innocent love. Easy. The two of you didn’t know anything different, and you grew apart rather than growing together.”
“I know that. I know what I feel for Royce is real, and I know what he’s feelin’ is real, too. There’s no mistaking that.” I hesitated before I let another flicker of worry climb free. “There’s a tiny part of me worried that Royce might have gotten swept up into the craziness of the band. That maybe he sees me onstage, and that’s the woman he wants.”
The girl who hungered to stand in the spotlight.
Soulshine.
Is that what that meant?
What he saw in me?
Because the man was so much larger than life. A force that commanded a room. Money dripping from his pores.
But I felt it—something so much deeper. That dark creativity that billowed and shook and shivered through me every time I was in his space.
“I just want him to want me for me. For the simple girl from South Carolina and not the girl who is gettin’ ready to sign with his record label.”
Mama frowned. “You think he wants you for your money? For what the band can bring to the label?”
My frown was deeper, contemplation and worry and questions winding through. Rejection of the idea hit me hard. “No . . . I . . . don’t think so. I mean . . . I’m sure he’s worth so much more than I will ever be.”
At least, I thought so. Another thing I didn’t know about him. The only thing I knew was we had been his purpose, Carolina George’s name on that dotted line.
I guessed the real problem was I felt something lurking way down deep in Royce’s spirit.
The ugliness he’d warned me about.
The baggage he hadn’t given me insight into.
It was the part that made me tremble in fear.
Question everything. If I was racing into all of this far too fast.
“God, I’m a mess right now.” I let go of a self-deprecating chuckle.
Light laughter tinkled from my mama. “Right now? That’s called life, sweet girl. It’s always messy. And believe me . . . the best things in life are forged in the fire.”
“And that man is flames.” Melanie ticked up a smirk.
Shoving all the concerns down, I swatted at her. “I swear, you are gettin’ your status revoked.”
She gasped and turned her phone out at me. “Not a chance. Then I wouldn’t be able to wear this.”
There was a dress on the screen. Cream-colored, made of a wispy material, plunging at the neckline with a slit running up one side. The bridesmaid dress as gorgeous as could be.
I scowled at her. “Don’t get ahead of yourself,” I told her.
But it was that feeling balling up in my chest, a want unlike anything other, that warned me I was already there. So far ahead of myself that I no longer knew what direction I was going.
I was a fool if I thought I could slow this down.