“Yeah, it fits him,” I answer, hoping she’ll have no follow-up questions. The last time I saw that ring was when Rock slipped it off our former president’s finger. Right before we buried the guy. It’s a reminder of how our former officers chose materialistic greed over their brothers. How Rock ended up in prison before—for another crime he didn’t actually commit—and how we’d lost brothers because of the greedy arrogance that consumed the club before we took over and returned it to what it was supposed to be. A brotherhood.
Am I planning to explain all of that to Hope? Hell fucking no. Rock can give her that history lesson if he wants to one day.
The ring’s heavy. Ugly as shit too. A big grinning skull with a ruby between its teeth and a diamond-encrusted crown. Why a ruby when our colors are blue and gray? Who fucking knows. Probably because it was the most expensive.
“Let me see your hands. I think your hands are bigger than Rock’s. Does it fit you?”
I don’t even have it in me to toss out some dirty size-reference joke. To make her happy, I slip it on. “Too small, sweetheart. But I’ve seen him wear it. It fits.”
“When?” She takes it back, holding it in her palm, testing its weight. “Good grief it’s heavy. You could use it as a weapon.”
Yup. Sure could.
“Oh God.” Her eyes meet mine. “It’s not his old wedding ring is it?”
A short, sharp bite of laughter bursts out of me. “No. He definitely tossed that.”
“Oh. Well, how come I’ve never seen it before?”
My mouth twists into a bit of a smile. Should have known nosy lawyer-gal would be full of questions. “It belonged to the last president,” I tell her. Maybe that will satisfy her curiosity.
“Oh.” She glances at the ring again. “Ruger, right? After what you told me, I’m surprised Rock kept this. Ruger sounded awful.”
That’s one way of putting it.
“You never said what happened to him.”
Shit. “He’s long gone, Hope.”
She stares at me for a minute. “Will Rock mind if I take it with me to the jeweler? Just so he can measure it? Obviously it’s valuable, but I’ll be careful.”
“Yeah. I’m sure it’s fine.”
“Okay. Thank you.” She tilts her head, surveying the mess she’s made of Rock’s dresser. “I guess I better put everything back. Rock would have a fit if he saw this mess,” she says with a sad bit of laughter.
Christ, she looks so lost, I don’t know what the fuck to do for her. “Come here, hon.” She shuffles over and lets me wrap her up in a hug. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”
“I know,” she mumbles.
Her faith that Rock’s gonna get out from under these charges, her determination to push forward with the wedding even though Rock’s behind bars, fuck I can’t put into words what it does to me. But a warm sensation spreads through my chest. I love her for her loyalty to my friend.
“Good girl.” I pat her back once and let her go. “Get ready. We’ll leave in an hour.”
“Okay.” Her voice is a little stronger now. Maybe I actually did some good here.
I shut the door behind me and find Z in the hallway.
He lifts his chin at the door. “Everything okay?”
Hell, we’re all so fucked up he doesn’t even make any of the obvious jokes at finding me leaving Hope’s room.
“Yeah. Gonna take her to pick up Rock’s wedding band.”
Z’s entire demeanor softens. “Poor girl. This has been awful on her.”
“Your room’s right next to her. She doing okay?”
Normally I’d get some smart ass remark from Z. “I don’t know. She cries every night. Feel like shit. Don’t know what to do for her.”
I’m not surprised. Still hate hearing it though.
“Give her privacy. She’s keeping her shit together during the day.” And I almost feel bad about that. I’ve been so hard on her in the past, she’s probably scared to show any weakness around us without Rock here to protect her. The whole situation pisses me the fuck off. This. This right here is the reason I’ve been so fucking hard on her.
Still can’t believe it’s actually happening.
“You gonna be okay? I’d go with you, but we’re already thin down at CB.”
“Nah. I’ll be fine.”
“Trin going too?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Good. Hey, Murphy’s solution was to send Axel down for door duty.”
It feels good to actually laugh about something. “Shocker.”
“Bro, we’re hurting. I’m probably gonna do it.”
I lift my shoulders. Heidi bitching Axel out over club business isn’t our problem. And if Axel can’t handle her, he probably shouldn’t be in the club anyway. I pity the guy who eventually ends up with Heidi sometimes. “That’s why he’s a prospect. To see if he can hack it. Doesn’t matter who his old lady is. We’re not sending him there to fuck dancers. He’s there to man the door and throw out pricks who can’t keep their hands to themselves.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“You just hate Murphy being right for the wrong reasons.”
Z snickers. “Yeah, something like that.”
“I’m with you on that one.”
Next to us, the door opens and Hope steps out. “Hey, guys.”
“Morning, sweetheart. You okay?” Z asks.
She takes a deep breath, lifts her chin and pushes her shoulders back before answering. “Yes. Wrath’s taking me to get Rock’s ring today.”
“I heard.”
I’m amused that she’s ready so early. I told her we’d leave in an hour because I figured that way she’d be ready by the time I actually wanted to leave.
“I’m heading downstairs. Trin’s up.”
Ah, fuck. I still had plans to wake my girl up on my own. Once the two of them get together and start gabbing there’s no prying them apart.
After she leaves, Z cocks his head and fixes his no nonsense stare on me. “You gonna look for a ring too while you’re there?”
I’m too surprised to answer right away. “Why? You want me to propose to you?”
“No, you dick. For Trinity.”
“Maybe. Why?”
He shrugs. “No reason. Just probably sucks for her doing all this planning for Hope’s wedding—which might not even happen—when she’s got no idea—”
“First, you’ve got way too much time on your hands if you’re worrying about shit like that.”
He chuckles, but I’m not finished. “And second, it’s happening. She already knows it’s happening. I just need to find the right time. And now doesn’t seem like it.”
“Yeah, okay.”
Wait a second. “Did she say something to you?”
“No. She just seems down, that’s all.”
“Our president’s in jail. We’re all down.”
“Yeah, but—”
“I know how tight they are.”
“All right. Sorry I said anything.”
I know his question came from a good place, so I’m not mad. Not really.
“It’s fine. Now I need to go get ready for my torture.”
He cocks his head at me.
“Trapped in a cage for four hours to go shopping? Come on, Z, you know me better.”
Now he snickers. “CB’s looking like the superior choice all of a sudden, isn’t it?”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Past the smiles I faked with Wrath and Trinity all day long, there’s an aching emptiness in my chest. Unrelenting sadness throbs there every night when I slide into our bed alone. Tonight it’s even worse.
I miss Rock so much, it’s a struggle to draw breath into my lungs. He should have been there with me today.
Rolling over, I click on the bedside lamp and pull out the journal I’ve been keeping since the first time I visited Rock in jail. Knowing the officers would read any letters I sent him, I’ve been writing everything down to give him when he’s home
.
As I set the pen to paper, I don’t think about what I want to write. The words have been drifting through my mind all day. Their significance only sunk in when I found myself in bed alone again.
Dear Rock,
I bought your wedding band today. Wrath drove us to Boston. Don’t be mad at him. I threatened to drive myself if he didn’t take Trinity and me. For a second, I froze in the store. So worried I’d be slipping the ring on your finger inside the jailhouse walls. But I have faith you’re going to be returned to me.
After I picked your ring out, Wrath silently urged me to take Trinity next door. It was the perfect distraction to keep me from sobbing because you weren’t there with us. When we got home, he showed me the engagement ring he picked for her. I got so excited I almost ruined his surprise, but I couldn’t help it. It was the first happiness I’ve felt since our engagement party…right before it all went to hell.
I can’t sleep tonight. I miss my softness against your hardness. The solid feel of your body next to me. When I’m down, you always make me laugh. I miss your hands and the way you can’t keep them off me. I miss how no matter what position we fall asleep in, I always wake up with you wrapped around me. I love your hair and the way you close your eyes when I run my fingers through it.
Everything feels wrong without you here. The clubhouse feels empty, even though it’s full of people. Half of me is missing. All day long, I keep my eyes tear free and my chin up. Stay positive, so that the guys can focus on what they need to do and so you can be proud of me. But alone in our room, I can’t do it. I’m so scared they’ll keep you in jail until trial. These weeks without you here have been miserable. The thought of years of this terrifies me.
I need you back.
Hope
I set my pen down and close the notebook. I stare at it for a few minutes before placing it back in the drawer.
The case against Rock is weak. But I also know justice isn’t always served. Eyewitness testimony is notoriously unreliable. And that’s all they seem to have against him. I’ve been helping Glassman assemble a list of experts to testify about how unreliable eyewitnesses are. Especially when you take into account that this witness’ account came so long after the murder. I’m confident Glassman can tear the witness’ testimony apart on the stand. I just don’t think I can hold on that long. It’s absurd. Insane that they’re holding him on such flimsy evidence.
My heart races, blood thundering through my ears as I work out the details of his case. Not for the first time, I fall asleep going over all the possible outcomes.
The worst part of jail is trying to get any sleep. It’s not the cot with the springs digging into my back, the flat pillow or the scratchy blanket. I’ve slept on worse. It’s not even the endless noise. I’ve learned to block that out.
No, every time I close my eyes, I see Hope. We’d spent every night side by side since she sold her house and moved into the clubhouse with me permanently. Yes, waking up and burying myself inside her almost every morning is great. But it’s the rest of it that keeps me awake. I miss the weight of her next to me. The soft little snores she makes. The way she “accidentally” grinds her ass into me when she stretches in the morning. I miss her long hair spilling over the pillows, tickling my nose. Stupid, sappy shit that I took for granted and now I miss more than anything.
Half the time, I close my eyes, I swear I actually feel her soft little body against mine. Then I come fully awake and remember where I am and that she’s not here.
That’s the worst.
I haven’t allowed myself to think about the future, or plan anything. Construction on our house has halted. Our entire lives have just stopped.
My fingers flex prickling with the need to... ride... no destination in mind. Just free.
Wind in my face and Hope at my back.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“I’m doing everything I can to get bail set for you, Rock.”
“I know you are.”
Rock’s more forgiving about the situation than I would be. Hell, I struggled not to choke Glassman the second I saw him today. Worthless fucking lawyers taking a shit ton of money and not doing a fucking thing.
Rock pins me with a look. Like he knows exactly what’s going through my head. Knowing him, he probably does. “How’s my girl?”
I almost snort. Fucker’s sitting in jail and of course the only thing he’s worried about’s his ol’ lady. “She’s good.”
He slides his gaze to Glassman, who’s suddenly fascinated with his cellphone. As if he’s trying to give us privacy in our ten by twelve foot room.
Whatthefuckever.
“She getting out of bed? Keeping busy?” Rock asks.
“Yeah. Even took her on a road trip yesterday.”
Rock raises an eyebrow at that. “Want to elaborate?”
“I can’t. It’s a secret. She’ll be pissed if I tell you. But yeah, she’s doing okay.”
That, more than anything else we’ve told him today, seems to cheer him up. “Thanks, brother. Appreciate it.”
“She and Trinity are working on some stuff together today. Z’s with them.”
“Good. Trin’s okay?”
Is she? I don’t know. Except for yesterday, she’s quiet and I feel like I almost never see her. “Yeah, she’s okay.”
“Rest of the guys okay? Z, Teller and Murphy, pulling their weight?” he asks with a smirk. He knows the answer.
“Yup.”
“Anyone checking up on Sparky?”
Now it’s my turn to snort. “Yeah, man.” He’s higher than fuck, worse than usual, but I don’t say that in front of Glassman. “He misses you too.” For once, I’m not trying to be a dick. It’s the God’s honest truth.
Rock swallows hard and nods. “Keep an eye on him.”
Glassman must have decided we’ve had enough time for small talk. “DA still won’t hand over the name of the witness. Do you have any ideas?”
“No fucking clue.”
“Could it be one of the dancers from your club?”
Rock glances at me before answering. “I can’t imagine why one of them would lie.”
“We did have an issue with the one, remember?” I float. Rock glares at me. He wants to handle this internally.
I want to get him out of jail any way we can.
Heidi flat-out refused any sort of celebration for her graduation. She felt it was wrong to have a party while Rock was in jail. I couldn’t argue with her there. It seems like every moment, even the ones that should be happy, are outlined in bitterness because Rock should be here too.
When Heidi threatened not to even go to the ceremony, the club banded together and fought her on that one.
She did have one request. “The only thing I want for graduation is for you guys to let me see Uncle Rock. Please?”
I don’t think it’s especially healthy for her to see him in jail.
But I’ve seen plenty of children in there visiting family members, so it’s not like it never happens. Still, I feel strange about it. But she’s so determined and earnest, I end up making the arrangements.
Teller and Murphy drive us to the jail the morning of her graduation. She has to be at the school at noon to get ready for the ceremony. So we have a couple hours to spend with Rock.
Teller escorts us inside. As her legal guardian, I need him here to get her into the visitation area.
“North,” I inform the guard at the window. He raises an eyebrow at Heidi. “His god daughter. Her brother is,” I point at Teller. “Her legal guardian.” Teller steps up and passes over court documents and identification. This visit finally motivated Heidi to get her driver’s permit and she proudly passes it over with her school identification.
“Purses, cell phones, jewelry goes in the locker.” The officer points across the room and passes us a key.
We’re escorted into a lesser controlled visiting area. Since Rock’s stayed out of trouble, we’re allowed a contact visit, so Heidi’s able to give
him a hug. Some of her excitement over the visit diminishes when she gets a look at the surroundings. But she puts on a brave smile for Rock’s benefit. It’s Teller who seems to be having the most trouble. It takes him a few seconds to get any words out.
“Hey, Rock.”
The four of us settle down at a table and Heidi talks Rock’s ear off about her learner’s permit, graduation, the ceremony, the classes she’s signed up to take over the summer and anything else in her universe. Rock’s smiles are genuine and I think her visit cheers him a little more than my solemn ones usually do. After almost an hour, she winds down. Rock’s gaze slides to me and a wry smile twists his mouth up. He turns back to Teller.
“You handling all this okay, big brother?” He lifts his chin at Heidi, but I think Rock’s referring to more than just Heidi growing up.
“Best I can,” Teller answers.
After they chat for a minute, Teller taps Heidi on the arm. “Let’s give them a few minutes.”
Heidi gives Rock another hug and follows her brother out to the waiting room.
I slide my hands across the table over Rock’s and he squeezes them back. “Tell me the truth, you doing okay?” he asks.
“The truth? No. I miss you. And I’m furious at everyone involved in this.”
“Including me?”
“No. Everyone but you.”
His smile widens. “What do you have planned for Heidi?”
“Nothing. She refused. She asked for this visit. She said no parties until you’re out.”
He shakes his head. “That girl’s something.”
“Trinity made her a cake and I think we’ll grill some stuff out back.”
“Good. I appreciate her support. But she needs something special to mark the occasion.”
There’s not a lot to say after that.
“Better get going so she’s not late.”
“I know.” I don’t want to leave though.
“Come on, Baby Doll. I hate seeing you go, but I hate you being in here too.” He waves his hand at the austere visiting room. “You don’t belong here.”