Magical Midlife Invasion (Leveling Up 3) - Page 75

He scratched his hairy chest, watching her watch him. “I think I could get them pushing that way.”

“If you can’t, head around to the back and work with Niamh to take out people on the sly, if you can.”

“Why not both?” he asked.

“Indeed.” She grinned, but anxiety edged into her expression for a moment. “Okay, everyone, stay safe. If the tide turns against us, retreat into the house. I can combat the intruders from there if I need to. Thank you for showing up, thank you for helping me, and let’s all get out of here in one piece, okay?” She snapped. “Oh, and if you see a bunch of dolls running around, don’t mind them. They’re on our side. Same goes for skeletons and dead bodies.”

All eyes found her for one solid beat, most of them rounded.

“You’ll see.” She put her hands into the sky. “Say goodbye to the sun.”

The mistress of Ivy House was about to unleash her magic.Twenty-One“Pete, this can’t be right. It feels like we’re preparing for battle or something.” Martha lifted the bolt handle of the rifle and slid it back, checking to make sure it was loaded. “I mean, look what we’re doing. We are in second-story windows with deer rifles looking out on…derelicts, it looks like. That’s a battering ram, Pete. Why haven’t we called the police?”

“You’ve never lived in the slums during a riot. Things can get crazy, Martha. Police would take too long with all their gear and shields. We need to defend our home. That weird butler showed you how to access the secret tunnels if you can’t handle it.”

“See? That’s the other thing. All this time I thought the house was coming apart, but the doors to the tunnels just weren’t properly latched. That’s kind of a cool feature, though, secret tunnels. But we aren’t in a riot, Pete. And people don’t walk down the street with battering rams during a riot.”

“Some do. These guys are just a little more prepared than most, that’s all.” He hunted through his pocket. “I wish I had my chew. This calls for a little chew. Go ahead, honey, put your foot on this property. Go ahead. Make my day.”

Martha rolled her eyes. Pete was getting a little too into this. It was like he’d lost hold of his faculties.

The muzzle of her rifle tapped the glass. “Oh, for heaven’s sake.” She put it down and opened the window, drawing the attention of a few people clad in black leather or dulled and scuffed metal mail, waiting for God knew what, tapping their swords against their battered shields like in some sort of gladiator movie. Back in her seat, she stuck the muzzle out of the window a little, and the people who’d noticed her shifted in place, probably nervous.

She hoped they were nervous. She really was a good shot, and the law was definitely on their side. Plus, that lovely older lady with the fantastic skin had joked about unmarked graves. That might come in handy if all these people surged at once.

What they were doing wasn’t normal, though, and neither were the people waiting to rush the property, with their spiked weapons, swords, shields, and what on earth were those dog-looking creatures that were as big as elephants? She’d never seen anything like that in a zoo before. It felt like she was dreaming, which was probably why she was going along with it.

“Pete, Jessie said something about magic. Do you think it could be real? This would make more sense with magic. Anything makes sense if you just call it magic.”

“Hogwash. Magic is about as real as flying pigs.”

“Well, now, didn’t you say you saw some sort of flying creature the other day? Maybe not a pig, but…”

“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? It’s all that”—he made bunny ears around his rifle—“‘sleep aid’ stuff you give me. You’re just looking for an excuse to ship me away like your friend Denise did to her husband.”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. Her husband had… I can’t think of the name. He needed medical help. He needed to be in a safe place for his condition.”

“I know what the term is—tired of the ol’ ball and chain. Well, I’ve still got all my faculties, thank you very much. Aside from that sleep stuff you give me, I’m right as rain. We’ve seen animals like that a million times in the magazines.”

She affixed her glasses to the end of her nose, squinting down on the animal in question. It had what looked like a dog snout, front legs longer than the back, and enormous teeth. It was literally the size of an elephant, but it lacked a trunk, so it wasn’t an uncommonly ugly elephant.

“No, Pete. My vision isn’t great, but something is wrong with that animal. It looks like a drunk came up with it.”

Tags: K.F. Breene Leveling Up Vampires
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