I won’t be a traitor.
I let the realization wash over me, let it settle down deep. I won’t be a traitor. I left Sabine Valley to prevent my ambition from harming my sister and my people. Nothing’s changed, no matter what the current situation back there is. They will find their way through, and if Aisling needs my assistance, she’ll call me. Trying to muscle my way back in because I don’t like how she’s handled the situation will only cause further rift and undermine her authority. That’s bad for everyone.
Restless energy fizzles in my blood, and I push to my feet. Cancelling my last few meetings is out of the question, but the temptation is there all the same. I turn to look out the window, at the visual reminder of everything at stake. I have my own kingdom to look after now. I am the best person to run this territory, and no matter my loyalty to my family, there are more lives than simply my nieces’ and brother’s at stake.
And yet…
I smooth my hands down my pants. “Would it make you feel better if I check in with her?”
“Would it make you feel better?”
I give Sara a long look. “Yes.” I reach for my phone and dial my sister’s number from memory. I stare out at Carver City while the line rings. My home in a very different way than Sabine Valley is—a place that’s mine and mine alone.
My elder sister’s voice comes over the line. “Hello, Malone.” I don’t know why I expected her to sound different after everything that has happened. Our mother’s training runs too deep. She’s just as coolly collected as I am.
Except I don’t feel cool and collected right now. I feel frazzled right down to my nerve endings. “When were you going to tell me about Lammas?”
“When it became something you should concern yourself with; so likely never. It’s under control.”
This is why I haven’t called since hearing the news. I love my sister. I have always loved my sister, even when I put serious consideration into dethroning her. But it takes a grand total of thirty seconds for her to work her way under my skin. She’s one of the few people in existence who’s capable of it.
Aurora is another.
I push that thought away. “You underestimated the Paine family.”
“If I wanted someone to tell me things I already know, I’d talk to Jasper.”
Irritation rises. “Yes, well, that’s out of the question now since he’s handfasted to Ezekiel fucking Paine.” No use thinking about how painful that must be for him, given their history. “You really fucked this up.”
“It’s under control.”
“What part of this situation is under control, Aisling? What happens if Monroe or Winry gets pregnant? Then—”
“Stop underestimating your nieces. You left, Malone. You built your kingdom elsewhere and I’ve never begrudged you that. Trust that I’ve raised my daughters as capably as Mother raised us.”
I wish I could. I wish I had anything but doubt and worry worming through me. “Monroe may be fine, but Winry is too soft. He’ll break her.”
“Malone.” She all but snarls my name. “Did you call for a particular reason or just to clutch your pearls and whine about things that have already happened?” I already know what she’s going to say before she continues in a slightly more moderate tone. “Lammas caught us off-guard, but it’s being handled. Have faith in your family.” A meaningful pause. “Have faith in your queen.”
You’re not my queen.
I bite the sentence back before it can emerge. I needed this reminder, I realize. Needed to have the reason I left Sabine Valley shoved in my face. I love my sister, yes. But both our personalities are too strong to occupy the same space without tearing into each other. I close my eyes and strive for a calm tone. “Give me the courtesy of keeping me updated.”
“Why, when you already have plenty of contacts still within our territory?”
I have to fight not to grind my teeth. “That’s not the same thing, and you know it.”
Aisling finally sighs. “Yes, I’ll keep you updated.” The barest pause. “They’ll be fine. They’re made of tougher stuff than you realize. Even Winry. They’re Amazons, after all.”
At the end of the day, there’s nothing to argue with. I haven’t been home for more than a few days at a time in twenty years. I have more contact with my younger brother than I do with Aisling, but even that is just the odd phone call here and there. I don’t really know my nieces beyond surface-level facts. Monroe was seven when I left Sabine Valley, barely more than a baby. Aisling is right. If she’s raised them half as capably as Mother raised us, they’ll survive this.
They might even come out on top.
I have to believe that. Still… “Is there any way I can be of assistance?”