"I had no idea," said Maddie. "And yet...I don't know. Maybe I did. I mean, everything she wears is kind of slutty."
"She sleeps around a lot. She'll pretty much go home with anyone." He paused. "She even tried it with me once."
"Really?" Maddie's eyes went wide. "What'd you do?"
"Nothing. I have no interest in that. I couldn't handle being with someone so easy. She'd probably sleep with all my friends while we were dating." He cupped Maddie's face in his hands. "Not that it matters. I have no reason to even go looking, not when I have the best thing right here."
He drew her to him, and they kissed again. It wasn't the earlier hello kiss either. It was deep and ardent, both of them eagerly trying to get as much of the other as they could. His hands gripped hold of the bottom of her tank top and jerked it over her head, revealing a black satin bra I was pretty sure I'd helped her pick out. Never breaking the kiss, his hands then went around her waist as he half-carried, half-stumbled out of the office and into the bedroom. They fell onto the covers, hands moving all over each other's bodies and kisses starting to spread beyond lips.
No, I thought, unsure if the Oneroi could hear me or not. No. I don't want to see this. Take me back. Take me back to the box. Send me to another dream.
But if they were there, they weren't listening. I had no eyes to close. I couldn't look away. There was no way to unsee what I was seeing. I'd experienced a lot of heart-wrenching things in my relationship with Seth, things that had hurt me so badly that I swore I wanted to die. But nothing, nothing could have prepared me for seeing him have sex with another woman. And it wasn't just watching the act itself, the way their naked bodies intertwined with one another and the cries of pleasure elicited in the height of orgasm.
It was the look on his face as he did it. There it was. The love I'd been searching for earlier. I'd thought before he only regarded her with a strong affection, similar to the fond love he had for his nieces. No. This was passion I saw on his face, the kind of love that burned so deeply, it connected two people's souls.
He was looking at her the way he'd once looked at me.
I had never thought it was possible. Somewhere, somehow, I'd been convinced that he loved her in a different way from me. Maybe their love was strong, but I'd felt certain it could never match what he felt for me. Ours was different. Yet, seeing them now, I saw that wasn't true. And when, at the end, he told her she was his world - just as he'd once told me - I knew that I really was nothing special. The love he had for me was gone.
And in the terrible, excruciating pain of that moment, I no longer wanted to die. There was no point because I was certain just then that I had died - because surely, surely, Hell couldn't be worse than this.
Chapter 14
I was never entirely sure how much of that dream was true and how much was a lie. That it was a mix, I felt certain. I couldn't think of any reason the Oneroi would show me Kayla noticing my absence when no one else did. That had to be true. Yet, I also couldn't imagine Seth and Maddie slandering me so much. I especially couldn't imagine him breaking a confidence. Surely that was a lie...right? And as for the rest of the dream...well, it didn't matter.
The Oneroi offered no answers. And as more and more dreams came to me, the fate they'd foretold began to come true: I could no longer tell what was real and what wasn't. Often, I tried to tell myself that it was all a lie. That was easier than living with the doubt. No matter how hard I tried, though, I couldn't shake the feel of truth that some had. So, I was always questioning everything, and it grew maddening after a while. It was made worse by the fact that the Oneroi were always feeding off of those dreams, which consequently sucked up my energy. A succubus needed that energy to function. It gave me the ability to move in the world, to think clearly, to shape-shift. Draining me of it wouldn't kill me - I was still immortal, after all - but it made me useless. Not that it mattered in my prison. I still had the sensation of being crammed inside a box in the dark, and what little awareness of my body I had left was simply showing me pain and weakness. Had I been released, I would have had trouble walking. I would also likely be in my true shape.
Since I was mostly suspended consciousness now, the physical aspects became irrelevant. My mind became the true liability, as both the lack of energy and torture from the dreams began to rip me apart. I was more coherent and analytical during the dreams themselves, but when they ended and the emotions hit me, my rational thought began fracturing. My banter with the Oneroi became primal insults and screams. Most of the time I couldn't think at all. I was just pain and despair. And rage. It seemed impossible, yet underneath the agony that smothered me, a small spark of anger just barely managed to stay alive, fueled every time I saw the Oneroi. I think holding on to that fury was the only thing that kept my shattered mind from completely giving in to insanity.
I lost all sense of time, but that had more to do with the strange nature of dreams and not so much my brain. I actually think little time passed in the real world because every time the Oneroi showed me a glimpse of it, no progress seemed to have been made in finding me - something I believed the Oneroi hoped would break me further.
"Why do you keep asking us?"
The question came from Cody. I was now watching him, Peter, and Hugh being interrogated by Jerome. Carter sat in a far corner, smoking in spite of Peter's no-cigarettes-in-the-apartment rule. Roman was there too, invisible in body and aura. That meant I shouldn't have been able to see him, yet something - maybe because he was my target in this dream - allowed me to know he was there, despite what my senses told me. My friends knew about him. He had no need to hide his physical appearance, unless Jerome feared there might be demonic eyes watching Seattle - which wasn't that unreasonable. My disappearance had probably made him extra suspicious.
Cody's question had been directed toward Jerome, and I had never in my life seen such fury on the young vampire's face. He was the mildest of us all, newest to Seattle's immortal circle. He still jumped when Jerome said jump and spent more time watching and learning than taking an active role. Seeing him like this was a shock.
"We don't know anything!" Cody continued. "Our powers are limited. You're the one who's supposed to be almighty and powerful. Doesn't Hell control half the universe?"
"'There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy,'" quoted Carter solemnly.
"Shut up, both of you," snapped Jerome. He glared at the angel. "I've already heard you use that one before."
Carter shrugged. "You've heard me use all of them before. Many, many times."
Jerome turned back to my three friends. "Nothing. You're absolutely certain you noticed nothing about her before this happened?"
"She was down," said Peter.
"She's always down," said Hugh.
"She didn't tell any of us about this thing she kept feeling," growled Cody. "She only told Roman. Why aren't you questioning him?"
"I have," said Jerome. He took a step near the young vampire and leaned his face in close. "And watch your tone. You're lucky I'm feeling kindly right now."
"What's Mei doing?" asked Peter. His tone was proper and polite as he cast an uneasy glance at Cody. Half of Peter's question was probably a ploy to save his protégé from being smote then and there.
Jerome sighed and stepped back. "Questioning others. Finding any trace - any at all - of another of our immortals who might have felt something."
Hugh, who was sitting on the couch and keeping his distance from our angry boss, cleared his throat nervously. "I don't want to bring this up...but, you're already kind of on probation after the, um, summoning."
Jerome's smoldering gaze fell on the imp, who flinched. "Don't you think I know that? Why is everyone here giving me useless information?"
"All I'm saying," said Hugh, "is that if someone wanted to take advantage of the situation, making you lose one of your immortals would be a good way. Someone who, say, maybe wanted a job promotion."
"Mei couldn't do this," said Jerome, catching on. He'd already had one lieutenant demoness turn, so Hugh's hypothesis wasn't that bad. "She couldn't hide Georgina like this...even if she was working with someone who could, she'd find a better way to get to me." There was almost a proud note in his voice.