Gray waited until Joy's breathing was even before getting up and going to the bathroom. In the dark, he stripped the condom off of himself and flushed it, feel?ing like the worst kind of thug.
After he splashed some water on his face, he braced his hands against the sink and let his head hang loose.
God. Damn.
No miserable stunt he'd ever pulled in his life came close to what he'd done in that bedroom. All his other misdeeds were grains of sand. Numerous, but irrelevant in comparison.
When he'd barrel-assed into Joy's body, he hadn't been prepared for what he'd found. And he'd thrust so strongly, he hadn't been able to stop his body's momen?tum until he was deep inside of her. She'd been so tight, so good, so sweet. Even as horrible comprehension was dawning, a release like nothing he'd ever come close to had threatened to overcome him. He'd forced himself to be still, clenching the muscles in his body, squeezing his eyes shut. There'd been no way in hell he was going to let that pleasure out. Not after he'd hurt her like that.
It had taken a while until he'd been up to withdraw?ing and even his slow, measured retreat had pushed him back to the brink. When he was finally free of her, the torment of sexual denial had made him shake, the pain radiating out from his erection until he'd felt the sting in every hair on his head. But it couldn't have been worse than what he'd put her through.
Gray grabbed a towel and dried his face off.
He'd been so wrong about Joy. Or rather, he'd been right about her in the first place. And she had suffered for his mistake.
At least he knew exactly what he needed to do next.
Chapter Nine
The next morning Joy woke up alone in the big bed, still wrapped tightly in the comforter. Next to her, there was a deep indent on top of the duvet and a pillow wadded up into a ball.
She pushed her hair back, threw off the covers and got to her feet. When she returned from the bathroom in a robe, Gray was standing at the bed, fully clothed. And staring at the small spot of blood on the sheets.
He looked over his shoulder, eyes dilated.
“Are you okay?” he said roughly.
In a flash, she remembered what he'd felt like on top of her. Heavy, hard, strong. She was dying to have him again.
“Joy?”
“I'm perfectly fine.”
His eyes traced over her body, but there was no heat in them. “May I bring you some breakfast?”
This was said as if she were a houseguest and not someone he'd been n**ed with the night before.
Joy shook her head. “I'm not hungry, but you can an?swer a question for me. How is it possible that we made love and now you look at me with clinical detachment?”
He closed his eyes, withdrawing even further. As if that were possible?
“First of all, that was sex last night. You deserved to be caressed and worshiped and entered gently. All you got was laid and laid badly. I will never forgive myself. And secondly, my primary concern is taking care of you, not making you feel awkward because I'm a leering son of a bitch.”
Joy put her hands on her hips, taking strength from frustration.
“You know, I really need you to ditch the hair shirt you've strapped on.” Her voice was strong, direct. She couldn't believe she was talking to him with such author?ity. “I still want you. You gave me so little of what we both neededÑ”
“I gave you every inch and then some. Until you bled.”'
“Will you let me finish? You pulled out so fast, I didn't even have a chance to get used to you. To feel you. I want to know what it's really like. With you.”
“Someday, a man will love you rigÑ”
“Spare me the fairy tale, okay?” she snapped. “Just be?cause I haven't had a lover before, doesn't mean I can't make my own decisions. I want you. I chose you.”
“I didn't deserve the gift!” His voice boomed through the room, self-hatred rolling off him in waves.
“I think you did,” she said quietly.
Gray leaned forward on his h*ps and spoke in a low, dangerous tone. 'Then you don't know me well enough."
She thought of him refusing to let her ride home from his house in the dark on her bike. Of the respect he had for the way she treated her family with kindness. She re?membered him lying beside her in the dark last night, his big body so tense as he pleaded with her to stay. She saw him staring down at the blood on the sheets just now, looking as if he were going to cry out.
He was a hard man. But never a bad one.
“You're wrong,” she whispered. “I know you very well.”
“No, you don't.” He looked down at the bed again.
She went over and touched his arm. His body jerked and he stepped back from her.
“Don't.”
Joy frowned. “Why not?”
“Because compassion from you is the last thing I want right now.”
Pain cut through her chest, draining her burst of strength. Gathering up the lapels of the robe, she said in a small voice, “I'd like to get dressed now, if you don't mind.”
He cursed. “I didn't mean it like that, Joy. It's just.. .you don't need to be taking care of me. You're the one who got hurt.”
No, she thought. They were both aching this morning.
“Are you available at three o'clock today?” he asked.
“For what?”
“To see me.”
“Why?”
“Please.” His eyes held hers, as if he wanted to will her into saying yes. She had a feeling it was as close as he'd ever gotten to begging.
“Okay, but on one condition.”
“Anything. You name it.”
“Kiss me. Right now.”
Gray's eyes flared. “JoyÑ”
“I'm serious. I want you to kiss me.”
She had no idea where this strong woman thing was coming from. But she was going to go with it.
And evidently, so was he.
Gray slowly reached out, taking her face gently into his hands. His mouth brushed over hers. Lightly.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing her body against his. “Like you mean it, Gray.”
His eyes squeezed shut. The thick vein at his throat started throbbing from the hard pump of his blood and his lips parted as though he were having trouble finding his next breath.
Still, his touch stayed soft, his thumb stroking her cheek.
When his eyelids flipped open, she caught a quick glance of a surging, sexual burn. Then his head came down, his mouth hovering over hers without making con?tact. She could feel the coiled strength in him, the heat coming off of him. However conflicted his mind was about what had happened, his body was hard for her. Ready for her.
“I always mean it when I kiss you,” he said with more gravel than voice.
His lips stroked hers once and then he strode out of the room.
Joy reached out for the wall to steady herself.
Frankly, she was impressed he could walk without a limp after that.
Damn it, the man had way too much self-control. And she wanted the very beast he refused to let out.
When he reappeared with her dress, he put it down on the bureau.
“May I call a car for you?” His voice was smooth as an ice cube and just about as warm. As if that incandes?cent moment between them had never happened.
So this is sophistication in action, she thought. Here she was quaking in a bathrobe, while he waltzed around as though the last thing he'd done was read the newspaper.
Must be nice.
“I'll get a taxi myself,” she muttered.
“I'd rather call my carÑ”
“I'm sure you would.”
He hesitated in the doorway.
She wondered what he would do if she stepped out of the robe. Would he turn away? Probably. And though she wanted him like nothing else, she didn't need to get shut down by the man.
With one last look toward the bed, he stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind himself.
She wanted to yell out that his Prince Charming thing wasn't charming. Wasn't necessary. Was driving her flip?ping nuts.
Joy stripped the robe off, balled it up and pitched it at the double doors.
Man, she'd learned a nasty little lesson in the last twelve hours. When people had told her reality was never as good as a fantasy, she'd believed them on some level. She'd just been unprepared for how much the real thing sucked in comparison.
She'd actually been to bed with Gray, the man she'd worshiped for years, except she was still a virgin for all intents and purposes.
And he still wanted her, badly enough to shake from it, except now he wouldn't touch her.
Great.
Just terrific.
No wonder people liked fiction.
A little before three o'clock, Joy left Cass's penthouse and went down to wait for Gray on Park Avenue. It was an exceptional fall day with warm sunshine and a cool breeze, and after having spent hours working on the red gown, it felt good to be outside. She was just beginning to relax when a black limousine eased to a halt in front of the building. Gray emerged from the rear and smiled remotely as she walked over. He didn't touch her as she moved past him and slid inside.
“Did you have lunch?” he asked, getting in and shut?ting the door.
“Just some crackers and cheese.” She stretched, eas?ing her back. The limousine smelled like leather and Gray's aftershave. She tried to ignore how good the com?bination was.
“We'll go for tea afterward at the Pierre.”
She looked at her black pants and the loose black blazer.
“You're perfectly dressed,” he said. “You look beau?tiful.”
She laughed tightly. 'These clothes are off the rack. Really off the rack. I can't believe you mean that."
“I don't lie. It's one of my few virtues.”
“What are the others?”
“I take responsibility for my actions.”
She took a deep breath and looked out the window. An awkward silence cropped up between them, growing thicker as the limousine got stuck in traffic.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“You'll see.”
A little while later the car stopped on Fifth Avenue. Gray didn't wait for the driver to come around, but opened the door and stood at the curb himself. As she got out, she looked up at a towering, stone facade.
Tiffany's.
“What are we doing here?” she asked slowly.
“Come with me.” He touched her elbow, ushering her through a pair of glass doors. As soon as they were in?side the yawning space, a man in a three-piece suit came up to them.
“Mr. Bennett, good afternoon. Please, this way.”
The only thing that stopped Joy from planting her feet and demanding to know what was going on was a fear that she was jumping to conclusions. No man, es?pecially not Gray Bennett, asked a woman to marry him just because he took her virginity. No way. And how em?barrassing would it be to blurt out that little misconcep?tion when all he wanted was her advice on a set of cuff links?
As they walked through a maze of glass cases, sales?people dressed like businessmen and women watched them, as if Gray's arrival was something extraordinary. Their smiles and nods to him were deferential. They flat-out stared in awe at Joy.
To avoid the looks, she kept her eyes on the sparklers laying in their see-through cages.
It was as though the place were some kind of jewelry zoo, she thought numbly.
When she hesitated at the elevators, she felt Gray take her hand. From then on, she barely tracked where they went in the building. She just followed along, swept up in some tide, thinking that God only knew where she was going to end up.
They were shown into a small room with a high ceil?ing. The furniture was minimal, but lovely, a mahogany table and three ornate, matching chairs, two on one side. A bouquet of fresh roses, in pale pinks and yellows, was arranged in a crystal bowl. The place smelled like a gar?den, but she wasn't calmed.