“From what Callie told me about you two, it sounds like he’s the one. Okay, he left after high school. Everyone does stupid things when they’re eighteen. He came back to fix his mistake. And if he didn’t mention the possibility of a move, he probably just forgot about it. Or assumed you expected a move at some point. Doesn’t the FBI move agents all the time?”
Sara’s words held at least some truth. Everyone did make mistakes at eighteen. Still, she couldn’t dismiss what he’d done when it came to their current situation. “According to Nate, they don’t move agents as much as you think. Regardless, when I gave him back the ring, I told him I needed time to think,” she said, finally able to get a word in. “He’s leaving on July 15th. So no matter what I decide, I need to cancel the wedding.”
“Just one more thing, and I promise I won’t say anything else. I almost lost Christopher because I let something from my past influence me. Sometimes you need to let go of the past, to forget about it,” Sara said.
As promised, after Sara’s final comment no one mentioned anything else about Lauren’s romantic problems. Instead, the four of them dove into preparations for an end-of-summer baby shower. Even with the conversation centered on perfect locations and color schemes for the shower, part of Lauren remained detached. Even before their conversation, she wondered how she should handle Nate. With him back in her life she felt complete again. Before he’d walked into her mom’s retirement party, she hadn’t realized just how much she’d missed him. The years had dulled the pain caused by his departure. And looking back, she could admit that over the years she had compared all the men she dated to him. No matter who they were or what they did, none had made her feel the same way Nathaniel Callahan did.
Even with all that, though, could she ignore his insistence on calling all the shots? She wanted a partner, not a guardian. If she married Nate, what kind of future would she have? Would he eventually try to control every aspect of their life? Some men were like that. They didn’t allow their wives to make any decisions on their own. She didn’t think Nate would ever go that far, but what if this most recent action turned out to be just the beginning? She would never stand for behavior like that, and if they had children she didn’t want her children raised in that kind of environment.
***
How had his week gone down the crapper so fast? Monday he’d been on the top of the world. He’d been about to marry the one woman he’d always loved. Then HRT announced tryouts down in Quantico. Since he first applied for a position with the FBI, he’d wanted a spot on the Hostage Rescue Team.
Now just a day later, and he was stuck in traffic with his wedding called off and Lauren expecting him to move out by the time she returned from Newport. Part of him said she’d come to her senses. That she would change her mind and still marry him. What if she didn’t, though? Deep down, in a place he avoided, he knew it was possible.
The car in front of him moved, and Nate took his foot off the brake. Why had he scheduled this last minute interview in Natick at four-thirty in the afternoon? Traffic on Route 9 sucked in the middle of the week, but on a Friday the nightmare only intensified. Nate made it to the traffic light just as it turned red.
“Won’t miss traffic like this when I move to Maine,” Joe said. In his fifties, Joe Perkins had been with the agency for twenty-five years and planned to retire in the fall. Since Nate had arrived in Boston, he’d acted as a mentor of sorts to him. “Heard I’m not the only one moving on. When do you leave?”
“Next month.” Nate tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. There had to be a better way around this section of town. Next time he came through here he needed to find it.
“Word of advice. Make sure your fiancée is on board with this. I spent fifteen years with the team, and I saw a lot of marriages end. Even those that looked rock solid from the outside. Heather and I did fine, but not all women can handle the stress.”
Nate tucked away Joe’s words for later. He hadn’t considered how the day-to-day stress of the job would affect Lauren.
“Would’ve had more kids if I stayed an agent in a field office rather than join the team. But after Nadine was born, Heather said she didn’t want to have any more children. In a lot of ways, she was a single parent and she couldn’t handle more than Jessie and Nadine.”
In the months they’d worked together, Joe rarely divulged any information about his family. In fact before now, Nate hadn’t even known the name of Joe’s children. For him to do so now spoke volumes. From where he sat, it sounded as if Joe believed only single agents with no ties belonged with HRT.
“Trying to talk me out of it, Joe?” Nate pulled into the parking lot of an office complex.
“Never. Just preparing you. Life in a field office can’t prepare you for life with HRT. So before you take the plunge, make sure you think it through.”
***
The entire house was dark when he pulled into the driveway. Not even an outside light remained on, a reminder that Lauren wasn’t home. Since he’d moved in, she’d gotten into the habit of leaving the driveway light on for him on those nights he got home late. He’d started to think of it as a welcoming beacon. The absence of that light tonight only drove home how close he was to losing her again.
When Nate walked inside the kitchen Maggie and JoJo immediately greeted him, their tails wagging. The two dogs had become inseparable. Tomorrow when he moved back to his apartment, Maggie wasn’t going to like it. And the dog wasn’t the only one. No place he’d lived since joining the Marines had felt like home until now, and all because Lauren was there.
Is it worth it? He replayed Joe’s words from the afternoon. Yeah, he wanted this, but was it worth risking his and Lauren’s future for it? If he spent the rest of his career working cases in Boston, he’d be satisfied. Would it be as thrilling? Would there be the same adrenaline rushes? Hell, no. But he did have other options. An email had gone out yesterday about the SWAT team tryouts. A spot on that would allow him to stay in Boston and still fulfill his desire for a bit more excitement. Not only that, but from the sound of it, it would put far less stress on their relationship. Not that Lauren couldn’t handle it, but was it fair for him to do that to her? Especially without preparing her for it? Maybe if he’d told her about it from the start. If he’d done that rather than making his own assumptions, they could have discussed it. If he’d done that she would’ve had a chance to digest the idea before he uprooted her life.
What he should have done, no longer mattered. The mistake was made. Now he needed to find a way to fix it.
Pulling a beer out of the refrigerator, Nate headed for the living room. With Lauren gone, the house felt like a tomb. He needed some background noise, anything on television would do tonight. He knew the Sox had another game tonight against the Yankees. It was the third game in a four-game series. Only that past Wednesday night they’d cuddled together on the couch watching the Sox beat the Yankees. They’d talked about catching a few games at Fenway that summer. Maybe even asking Callie and Dylan to join them.
Now, that whole night seemed like another lifetime. Nice job fucking things up. Tipping back the bottle, he took a swig as the dogs jumped up on the couch next to him. What if he stayed put? Passed on HRT. He reached out and scratched Maggie under her collar. In response, the dog dropped her head on his lap, her eyes closed. “Too bad I can’t make Lauren happy this easily.” He glanced down at the dog and then turned up the volume on the television as the announcer rattled off the starting lineup for the game.
The voice from the TV became little more than white noise as he sorted out the questions in his head. Would she stay with him if he didn’t report to Quantico next month? Only one way to find out. She asked for time and space. He’d give her until Sunday night—then he’d make his offer. If she wanted, he’d pass on HRT. A life with her meant a hell of a lot more to him. In the meantime he had no intention of moving out. When she returned from Newport he’d be right here waiting for her, ready to fight for her. Because the truth was, he had no life without her. He’d already tried that, and the thought of going back to it left him numb.
***
She stared into the empty mug, her mind on the conversation from lunch. Both Charlie and Sara had given her a lot to think about. Before Charlie’s comment, she’d never considered that Nate broke up with her because he would have found a relationship too difficult while in the Marines. Now though, she saw there may have been multiple reasons for what he did. Sara’s warning also resonated with her. If she let her anger from the past influence her decision now, she may regret it later. If she sent him away now, she’d likely never get another chance with him. Was that really what she wanted?
“Hey, I thought I was the only one up.” Allison walked into the kitchen and went straight to the refrigerator.