Taking the seat next to him, Lauren started on her own breakfast, French toast minus the apples. Instead she had added a few raspberries on top. “Did you sleep okay last night?”
It was a valid question. One anyone would ask someone who had spent the night. Nate sensed by her tone that she was asking more than her words implied. “Great.” He shoveled another forkful of food into his mouth. It wasn’t a lie. With the exception of his nightmare, he had slept well. The unexpected warmth of her hand on his arm caused him to bite his tongue as he chewed. Still, the quick stab of pain didn’t affect the heat building in his body.
“If you . . . um . . . ever want to talk or anything, Nate, I’m here.” Her voice resonated with compassion and concern.
Nate bit back a curse, then worrying she’d pull her hand away, he covered it with his own, anchoring her to him. “Nothing to talk about unless you mean us.”
“I saw you last night. That was no normal dream you had.”
If she wanted to ignore the past between them for now, fine, but he wasn’t talking about his nightmares either. “Let it go, Lauren. Everyone gets nightmares. It’s no big deal.”
“Nate—” Lauren’s voice took on a pleading tone.
“Lauren, I’m fine,” he snapped. “Let’s just finish eating.” Removing his hand, he picked up his fork. Irritation made him stab his food as if it might grow legs and run away. Her insistence that he open up indicated she still cared. He should have been pleased about that. All he felt, though, was embarrassment.
After his suggestion, Lauren pulled her hand away and remained silent as she ate her own food. The longer the silence remained, the more Nate wanted to kick himself for being such an ass. She meant well and he shouldn’t have snapped at her. Time to apologize. “Lauren, I’m sorry, but I am fine.”
Lauren gave him a stiff nod in acknowledgment without even looking in his direction.
“Did Kelly have the baby last night?” Maybe a conversation about the newest member of her family would put her in a better mood.
Lauren’s hand paused with her coffee mug raised almost to her mouth. “She sent me a text message around three o’clock. She and the baby are fine. Jared almost passed out during the delivery, but he’s okay, too.”
He waited for her to add more. When she remained silent again, he prompted her with another question. “Did she have a boy or girl?”
“A little girl. They named her Beth.” Lauren smiled. “Kelly sent a picture too.” Lauren grabbed her cell phone. “Can you believe all the hair she has?”
Nate accepted the phone Lauren held out to him, glad that at least for the moment she had forgotten she was upset with him.
“I think she looks just like Kelly,” she said.
He squinted at the tiny picture on the screen. The baby did have a ton of hair. Granted, he hadn’t spent much time around babies, but he’d expected her to be nearly bald, not have enough hair to comb. As far as looking like Lauren’s sister, well, if she said so, he damn well wasn’t going to disagree. From the picture, the only hint the baby was female was the pink blanket wrapped around her. “Congratulations, Auntie.”
She beamed at him as she took the phone back.
Stabbing the last piece of French toast with his fork, Nate popped it into his mouth. With Lauren in a good mood now, perhaps he should head out and start shoveling before he managed to put his foot in his mouth again. “Thanks for breakfast. I’m going to start on the outside now.” He didn’t wait for response.
Once outside, he could breathe again. Inside the kitchen with Lauren right next to him, his body had been on sensory overload. Everything from the way she looked to the sound of her voice caused every cell in his brain to shout mine. His arms ached to hold her again the way he had the night before. To taste her lips. But while his body demanded he reach for her, his brain told him to back off. She was with someone else, and he needed to respect that. Unfortunately, it was the last thing he wanted to do.
Perhaps the worst part of it all was that he knew she cared. All the signs were there. The framed photo, the effort she put into preparing foods he liked. If she really felt nothing, she could have just as easily given him a plain grilled cheese last night and cereal this morning. Then, of course, there was her reaction to his nightmare.
Digging the shovel into the snow, he scooped up another load of the white stuff and tossed it away from the front steps. He hated that she had seen him like that. Even now in the light of day, he could picture the worry and compassion on her face. Not to mention her touch. The feel of her hand on his bare skin after so many years had sent all his blood south. And even with the remnants of his nightmare fresh in his mind, he wanted to lay her down and show her how much he loved her.
With his body still aroused, thanks to Lauren, he was half-tempted to strip down and dive into the snow. What would her neighbors say about that? If nothing else, it would give the whole town something to talk about for several days. Small towns were all like that. They loved to gossip.
Finished with the stairs, Nate started on the walkway. The snow was light and fluffy, allowing him to put little effort into the task, despite the amount that had accumulated overnight.
Over the years he’d developed a sixth sense when it came to being observed—something that came in handy in a war zone. And right now he knew he was being watched. Dropping the end of the shovel into the snow, he looked up. Lauren stood at the large bay window, a mug in her hand and her eyes glued to him. When their eyes met, she held his gaze for a few seconds, her forehead creased, and then she walked away.
Lifting up more snow, he blew out a breath. Why did this have to be so damn difficult? Why wouldn’t she let him explain why he’d made the decisions he did all those years ago? Why couldn’t she just admit she still cared and tell him what it would take to win her back? It was clear, though, she didn’t plan to do any of that. So where did that leave him? Alone and hoping that in time she’d change her mind.
When he went out and started on the steps, she remained silent. After snowstorms she always cleared the steps and walkway, she could handle that much, while a local landscaper came by and plowed the driveway. But the landscaper usually took care of his clients closer to his house before making it to her side of town. So, if Nate insisted on clearing the snow this morning, she’d let him. If nothing else, it would get him out of here sooner. And the one thing she needed this morning, more than anything, was Nate out of her house. She’d underestimated how difficult it would be having him in her house all night and again in the morning when she got up. But then again, even if she had known, she would have asked him to stay. If she’d let him leave the night before in the thick of the storm and something had happened to him she never would have forgiven herself. As much as she might try to deny it, she cared. She cared far more than she should, considering she was dating someone else.
With her coffee mug in hand, she moved toward the window. Outside, he removed the snow as if it weighed nothing at all. When she shoveled, she always ended up sore and tired. Shoveling snow used muscles in ways that dancing did not. But Nate made it look effortless.
He’d always been strong, but thanks to her visit to his room last night, she knew firsthand just how much muscle he’d put on. Warmth spread through her limbs at the memory of him half-naked in bed. No, no, no. I’m with Kevin. Think of him instead. She squeezed her eyes closed. Instead of an image of Kevin, however, another memory of Nate formed.
She hadn’t seen his kiss coming. One minute he told her he worked for the FBI and the next she found herself wrapped in his arms, his lips against hers. In the deepest recess of her mind, she’d known it was wrong the minute he made contact. Even so, she’d let herself enjoy the moment. No one other than Nate had ever been able to kick-start her desire with a simple kiss. And once again the night before he had done just that. For the tiniest of moments she’d considered forgetting about the past for one night and experiencing the magic she’d only ever known with him. Just as quickly, though, she remembered all the reasons she could not let that happen. And when he acted as if a simple kiss could fix fifteen years of separation, her blood pressure had skyrocketed. Last night she’d told him that the only thing that could ever exist between them was friendship. But could they even have that? Every time she saw him, her heart ached. For her own sanity, it would be better if they stayed away from each other altogether. But after last night, the thought of not seeing him made her want to cry.
Nate’s eyes locked with hers from the other side of the window. She held his gaze as long as she dared and then turned away. Great way to show you’re not interested. If she had any hope of convincing Nate, she’d better start convincing herself first.
Chapter 5
Lauren double-checked her reflection in the full-length mirror. The gown Callie gave her as a birthday present fit her as if it had been custom made for her. Taking a step back, she smoothed out any visible wrinkles, the fabric sleek and rich between her fingers. Never in a million years had she pictured herself owning a Dolce & Gabbana gown. And if not for Callie, she wouldn’t. Part of her felt a little guilty. While Callie and her husband could afford such extravagant gifts without even batting an eyelash, Lauren knew there was no way she could ever give Callie anything even remotely as expensive. The gown, as beautiful as it was, was just another reminder of how much her life and Callie’s were different now.