Kat’s eyes met mine. “That’s probably a good thing.”
My hands stilled on my legs. “Yeah, I’m kind of getting that feeling.” I looked down at my hands. “I mean, I want to know who I was, but I’m thinking it’s a curse and a—” Words left me as a splattering of shimmering black dots spread across the top of my right hand.
“You okay?” Dee asked.
Heart stopping, I blinked. My hand appeared normal a second later. What in the world? I glanced at the girls and then back to my hand. Still normal. Had I seen what I thought I saw? Or was it some sort of trick of the eye? I didn’t know.
Throat dry, I nodded. “Yeah, just thinking about the whole lack-of-memories thing.”
A look of sympathy traveled across Kat’s face. “I can’t imagine what that feels like, not remembering who I was, but I do know what it was like to be trained by the Daedalus and how far they will go to advance their cause.”
That caught enough of my attention that I shoved the weird hand thing aside. “I have … feelings sometimes,” I admitted tentatively, only because I was unsure of how to explain it. “Like emotions tied to those repressed memories. They’re not good, so there’s a part of me that is grateful. A huge part of me, because I think if I did know, I wouldn’t be okay.”
Kat’s hands stilled on her belly. “Daemon told me about Jason Dasher,” she announced. “He tried to keep it from me, but I knew he was hiding something. I can’t believe he’s alive, but in a way, I’m not surprised. Hardly anything surprises me anymore.” She exhaled roughly. “I knew Jason Dasher. He had a way of almost getting you to believe what they were doing was for the greater good. So did Nancy.”
I zeroed in on that name. “Eaton mentioned her when we first talked to him, and Luc didn’t seem to be happy to hear that name.”
“He wouldn’t be.” Kat raised her eyebrows. “Nancy Husher oversaw the Origins; they were her pet project. She basically raised Luc until he escaped, and she was obsessed with finding the most powerful Luxen, believing that would ensure better Origin offspring. That woman was a—” She clamped her mouth shut, shaking her head while I sat there in stunned silence. “Let’s just say I would’ve loved to have been there when Luc ended her life.”
“Luc never told you about her, did he?” Dee read me like an open book. I shook my head. “Well, he probably would rather not think about her.”
“I know I prefer that,” Kat remarked. “And if Luc hasn’t brought her up, then I should shut my mouth.”
I started to disagree.
“It needs to be Luc who tells you about Nancy,” she cut in before I could demand answers. “I might’ve already said too much.”
“It’s not your fault. You probably thought he’d brought her up.” I didn’t know how to feel about not knowing about all of this, but … “A lot has happened since Luc and I … since we reconnected, and he’s been mostly focused on me and what I’ve been going through. There hasn’t been a lot of time for much beyond that.”
I wanted to pat myself on the back. Look at me being all logical instead of getting my feelings irrationally hurt.
I deserved more peanut butter.
“Which leads me to my super-nosy question.” Kat exchanged a look with Dee. “We want to know more about your abilities.”
I told them what I knew I could do, and I was up-front about the fact I had no control over the few times I was able to use the Source. I left out what had happened the night before, because I just didn’t feel Kat needed to worry about how close I’d come to possibly leveling their house. At no point did either of them make me feel like I was an out-of-control freak, and that bolstered my courage to tell them what I did next.
“Luc is going to work with me to get it under control. I don’t want to risk anyone here, and I want to be able to fight back. I want to take the Daedalus down. Permanently. And if I’m as badass as a Trojan is supposed to be, I can help. I can fight with you all,” I said, and there was no missing the quick looks Dee and Kat sent each other. I rushed on before they could rain on my parade. “I know that people are training in the Yard. I haven’t seen it with my own eyes, but I know that’s what’s happening. And I also know that none of you have a reason to trust me, but if I can control this, you all will need me.”
Kat was silent.
It was Dee who spoke. “You’re right. If you can get control of your abilities, we would need you. I’ve never heard of anyone being able to do what you did.”