So I’d f**ked her and walked away and then I’d watched her collapse onto the ground in tears. And I’d just walked away with my heart in my mouth and my head pounding with hate.
I waited for her to show up the next day, to tell me she was sorry and that she loved me and wanted to make it work. But she never came back. She never called and I never called and that was it. The end. It was so easy and simple and it was as if we’d never been together. Only the hole in my heart never grew back.
I’d hired Will to follow her and keep an eye on her. Not every day, but just to make sure everything was okay. He reported back to me once a week and I would read his reports and study his photographs while lying on the bed and staring at a photograph we’d taken together on a trip to the museum.
When Will told me that he thought she was sick, I nearly called her. Enough was enough. I couldn’t stand back while the love of my life was sick. But then Will got the hospital records and I found out the truth. At first I was excited and then a little scared. I knew she would call me then. How could she not? I knew I could have called, but I wanted her to reach out first. I wanted her to make the decision that she wanted to be with me because she loved me. I didn’t want her to feel trapped. She was so young, and I didn’t want to be the guy who did that.
But she never called, and my world grew bleaker and darker. She never called and I never called, and eventually it was over and both of our lives had changed. I’d hated her and loved her, both at the same time.
As I stood there watching her walk away again, tears running down her face, I knew that I couldn’t make the same mistake twice. This time, I was going to fight for her. This time, I wasn’t going to just let her go. I wasn’t perfect—I knew that. But I still loved her, and I had to try again.
“Wait!” I shouted as I ran after her. I grabbed ahold of her shoulders and stopped her. “Wait a minute.”
“What?” She looked at me coldly and I took a deep breath before speaking again.
“I know you don’t want to see me again. I understand that.”
“Good.” She glared at me and shook my hand off of her shoulder.
“But what about your son?” I paused as her face turned white. “Do you want to see your son?”
“What are you talking about?” she whispered, and I grabbed her arms to keep her from falling.
“I know you were pregnant, Katie.” I stared into her wide eyes. “I don’t know how you could give him up without telling me, but I know.”
“I, I...” She blinked rapidly and her eyes glazed over. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I understand why.” I pulled her toward me. “You were young. You didn’t know what to do. I understand.”
“Do you hate me?” Tears started flowing from her eyes again. “I’m sorry I never told you. I didn’t know what to do after what happened, and then I found out I was pregnant. I was so scared. I was just eighteen and a freshman. I had no one to turn to.”
“I could never hate you, Katie.” I rubbed the back of her head. “I shouldn’t have ended things the way that I did.”
“I’ve always regretted it, you know.” Her eyes glazed over. “I wished I had kept him. He would have been a piece of you that I would have always had. He’s still in my heart.”
“I know.”
“I love him,” she cried. “I hate you, Brandon. I hate you for doing this to me.”
“I’m sorry, Katie. I made a mistake.” I sighed. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes. And I’m sorry about tonight. You have to believe that. You have to believe me. Please. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I can’t live without you.”
“I don’t know what to say.” She shook her head as if to clear it.
“You don’t have to say anything. I’m not going to force you to give me another chance. I’m not going to predicate anything on our getting back together.” I took a deep breath. I couldn’t lose her again.
“I don’t know what you want, Brandon.”
“I don’t want anything. Do you want to meet Harry?”
“Harry?” She gave me a weird look.
“He’s your son, Katie.” I stared down at her and smiled. “Harry’s our son.” Katie’s eyes gazed at me in confusion, before she finally understood what I was saying. I held on tightly to her as she collapsed into my arms in shock.
Chapter 5
Katie
Sleep eluded me as I lay in bed. I stared at the clock on the nightstand and sighed. It was four a.m. I still had four hours before Brandon was going to pick me up and take me to meet Harry.
"Harry," I said slowly in the dark. "Harry," I said again and smiled. I was going to meet my son. My son.
It didn't even seem real. I was scared and I was excited, both at he same time. He was a little over six years old now. My heart broke as I thought about the six years of his life I had lost. Six years I would never get back. Six years Brandon had devoted to him. Our son.
I didn't know how to think about Brandon anymore. I still loved him; I knew I probably would always love him. But I wasn't sure I could deal with his style of crazy. He was too hard for me to figure out and his actions were too extreme. I cringed as I thought about the incident in the bar. I could still remember the hot burn on my face as I had made eye contact with the bartender. He had looked disgusted and shocked, so different than the teasing sweetness of the previous two days.
What Brandon had done was unacceptable. But his revelation after the incident had taken my breath away. I couldn't believe that he had known all this time that we'd had a baby. That he was now raising our baby. My hand flew to my mouth as I cried out. He wasn't a baby anymore. I didn't have a baby. He was a young boy. I'd missed the first years of his life. I felt tears forming in my eyes as I thought about everything I'd lost.
Beep beep.
My phone went off and I grabbed it quickly.
"Hey." It was Brandon.
I texted back quickly. "Hey."
"What are you doing?"
"Sleeping."
"Want to talk?"
"No."
"I can't sleep."
"That sucks for you."
"I'm thinking about what an ass I am.”
"Good for you."
“My fingers are getting tired typing. Can I call you?"
I lay there staring at the phone. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't.
"Did I lose you? :(" he texted back again and I smiled.
"No, I'm still sleep-texting."
"I knew you were smart :)"
"I did go to Columbia, you know!"
"I know. A little birdie told me."
"Haha."
"What are you wearing?"
"Nothing."
"What? I want a photo."
"I meant none of your business."
"Not fair."
"What are you wearing?" I shook my head as I typed.
"Boxers."
"Oh."
"I can send you a pic if you want! :) :)"
"I don't want."
":("
I snuggled into the sheets and smiled as I waited for his next text. I held the phone in my hands eagerly and felt my smile fade as I realized that he might not text me back again.
Beep beep.
"Miss me yet?"
"No." I smiled to myself again.
"You have to admit that it was slightly hot."
"It was not hot." I glared at the phone.
"I made you come."
"You always make me come!"
"Score 1 for me. :)"
"Idiot."
"I love you."
"I'm going back to sleep now. Bye." I put the phone down and closed my eyes. My heart was beating fast as I thought about his words. I picked the phone back up and stared at the screen. I didn't know what to think or feel. Did he really love me?
Then the phone rang and I bit my lower lip. I didn't know whether or no I should answer.
"I thought you weren't going to answer." His voice was soft as he spoke into the phone.
“I guess you thought wrong,” I whispered into the phone and closed my eyes.
“You sound sexy when you’re sleeping.”
“Really?” I giggled and faked a snore.
“That’s even sexier.”
“You’re not allowed to call me sexy.”
“Is it too soon?”
“Huh?”
“I guess I’m still in trouble. I’ll save the sexy talk for next week.”
“You’ll still be in trouble next week, Brandon.” I shook my head. “I’m still mad at you.”
“You can’t stay mad at me.”
“You think?”
“I hope.” His voice was warm and husky. “I wish I were with you right now.”
“So you can make love to me again?”
“No. So I can hold you in my arms and kiss you.”
“Uh huh.”
“And smell you.”
“Smell me?” I frowned and lifted my arm up to see if my armpit smelled.
“You always smell like gardenias.” I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Really?” I sniffed again and all I could smell was a faint sniff of the popcorn I’d made when I got home.
“Yeah. When I’m with you, I feel like I’m home.”
“Oh.” My heart melted at his words. “I’m still mad at you.”
“I’m excited for you to meet, Harry.” His tone changed. “I think you’ll like him.”
“I’m a bit scared,” I admitted honestly. “What if he doesn’t like me?”
“He’ll like you,” Brandon laughed. “Don’t be scared.”
“I’ve never been around little kids before,” I mumbled, though that wasn’t what was worrying me. I was scared that I wouldn’t feel anything for him. I was scared I would see him and it would be as if I were looking at just another child. And even worse, I was scared we wouldn’t have any sort of connection.
“You will be a natural.”
“I hope so.” I yawned.
“I should let you sleep.” Brandon sounded sad. “It’s late.”
“Just a few more minutes,” I mumbled, not wanting to get off of the phone as yet.
“You never answered me, you know.”
“Answered what?”
“I told you I loved you.” He sounded unsure of himself. “You didn’t say anything.”
“I didn’t know what to say,” I answered honestly, feeling confused.
“You think I’m a jerk.” He sighed. “I’m not perfect, Katie. I’ve made my mistakes.”
“You can say that again.” I rolled my eyes in the dark at his words and turned over in the bed.
“I’m glad you answered the phone.” His voice was soft again. “I needed to hear your voice tonight. I couldn’t sleep. I needed to know you would still talk to me.”
“I don’t hate you, Brandon.” I sighed. “I just don’t want anything from you.”
“You think I’m an egomaniac.”
“I know you’re an egomaniac.”
“I suppose it doesn’t help if I tell you I want to make you come.”
“What?” I gasped into the phone.
“I want you to fall asleep thinking about me inside of you.” His voice was silky. “I want to make you come.”
“Well, it’s a pity you’re not here,” I murmured into the phone as I imagined him kissing my neck. I let out a little whimper as I imagined him playing with my br**sts at the same time.
“What are you doing?” His voice was alert and I knew he had heard my whimper.
“Nothing.”
“Play with yourself for me.”
“No.” I shook my head, but my hands rubbed my stomach.
“I’m thinking about you right now,” He whispered into the phone. “I’m imagining your hands soft and cold on my cock, gliding up and down slowly, trying to tease me. I’m imagining your mouth taking over for your hands and your lips sucking down on me, tasting me and biting me lightly.” He groaned and I froze as I listened to him.
“What are you doing?” I whispered, waiting for him to continue. His talk was making me feel horny and I shifted in the bed uncomfortably.
“Nothing,” he groaned. “It can wait.”
“Okay.” I was disappointed that he had stopped before he had really gotten started.
“I’m not going to have phone sex with a girl who’s sleeping,” he joked into the phone. “I want you to remember me in the morning.”
“Uh huh.”
“But don’t worry, it will be your face I picture when we get off the phone.”
“What?” I squeaked out.
“Nothing, beautiful Katie,” he sighed. “Get some sleep. I’ll be picking you up in a few hours.”
“Okay,” I sighed, not wanting to get off of the phone.
“What’s wrong?” he questioned me and I was quiet. “Katie.”
“Nothing.”
“Do you want me to stay on the phone?” he whispered.
“No,” I lied.
“I remember when we first started dating. You always wanted me to stay on the phone with you.” He laughed. “I’m not sure how either of us got anything done with all those marathon calls.”