He was talking about her! He was just like the others! Only, this time, there weren’t any dirty socks stinking up a corner of the room. And she didn’t smell stale beer or hear the ribald laughs of the others.
Just two men. Two grown men who she should have known better to trust!
A man like Reid wouldn’t genuinely be interested in a woman like her!
Stop it! Selena heard the words in her head and forced her mind to stop. She wasn’t ugly and it didn’t matter if a woman was fat! Every woman had worth! Every woman deserved the dignity of honesty and respect!
Nothing was wrong with her, she reminded herself. It was the men who were wrong. It was the pathetic, insecure, disgusting boys who thought that women were a conquest.
No, she wouldn’t go through that emotional turmoil again. She wouldn’t starve herself as she had after that event. She wouldn’t put herself at risk. Selena knew she had an eating disorder. Just as any alcoholic had to guard against the triggers that might set them off to drinking again, Selena had to watch for triggers that would cause her to start starving herself, from regaining control of her world by not eating.
Years of therapy had gotten her to this point. She was happy and healthy now. She was in control by being strong and confident. Selena was not going to starve herself again.
Lifting her head and straightening her shoulders, she pulled in a deep breath and slowly let it out. Closing her eyes, she did the mental exercises over and over again, reminding herself of her affirmation. She was strong and powerful, smart and worthy of her own respect.
This would not pull her down.
When she opened her eyes again, she felt better. More balanced. Yes, her heart still ached because she’d trusted Reid. Had fallen in love with him. But this was just life, she told herself. This was what other women learned early on in their dating lives. Selena just had to learn to deal with heartache later since she had avoided dating for so long.
This was just her journey. She’d hurt for a while…maybe a long while, but she’d get over this.
Walking over to the guest house, she let herself in, walking to the bedroom where she used to sleep. Until Reid had convinced her…until he’d fooled her.
No longer a fool, she told herself and stiffened her resolve, unaware of the tears spilling down her cheeks. When she saw her reflection in the mirror, she saw them and wiped them away. Silly to be crying over a man unworthy of tears.
And yet, he’d fooled her! He’d been so sweet and gentle, so kind. He’d made her laugh. Maybe that was the worst part of this, she thought. The way he’d made her laugh. And trust him. Yeah, she’d grown to trust him and that hurt. Because it took her so long to trust and yet, he’d gotten under her defenses. His sweet words and his teasing challenges.
Hunting through the drawers, she realized that all of the pretty underwear that Reid had teased her into learning to love was up in his bedroom. She’d literally moved in with the man! Good grief!
Enough! She dropped the towel and grabbed a pair of white, cotton underwear. They were perfect, she thought as she pulled them on. Walking away from the mirror, she ignored how uncomfortable the cotton felt against her skin. In just a few weeks, she’d fallen in love with the soft, slick feeling of silk and satin against her. She loved the way the lace cupped her breasts. And yeah, she’d loved the way Reid looked at her when he’d peeked under her dresses or shirts to discover what she was wearing underneath.
That was over. She could never be with a man who thought of her as a piece of meat. Or worse, a man who was willing to share her with his brother. She snorted as she opened the wardrobe to find something to wear. As if she’d allow a man to treat her like that! She wasn’t the kind of woman who enjoyed being passed around! More power to women who enjoyed that kind of thing, but she wasn’t one of them!
She reached for one of her regular dresses. But her fingers brushed the wardrobe bag containing the sundress she’d bought specifically for this event. Hesitating, she debated wearing the dress or just slipping into one of her old standbys. A sheath dress would be perfectly acceptable.
But the floral sundress with the slit in the skirt, hidden by a long ruffle…she remembered trying it on in the store…the spaghetti straps, the cinched-in waistline, the long, deceptively demure skirt…