“I won’t,” I promised. Stopping was the last thing I wanted to do. I traced my lips over her temple, then I pushed further into her until I reached her barrier. I didn’t tell her it would hurt. She’d only tense. I pushed the rest of the way into her. Her walls squeezed my cock tightly. I didn’t move.
Lily’s face was contorted in pain.
“It’s okay,” I murmured. “This was the worst part.” At least, I hoped it had been. She felt so tight around me, I was worried if I started moving, I’d make things only worse for her, but I couldn’t stay in her like that forever. And I really wanted to move, wanted to lose myself in her. “Lily?”
She gave me a shaky smile. “I’m okay. It’s not as bad as it was.”
That wasn’t really something a guy wanted to hear from the girl he was with. I wanted to make her feel good but I knew it would be difficult during her first time. Even though I wanted nothing more than to move, I decided to stay as I was and kiss her for a while. My cock screamed in protest.
“You can really move,” she whispered. And that was everything it took. I withdrew almost all the way before I slowly slid back into her.
She exhaled, fingers digging into my back. I slowed even further and tried to go not quite as deep and soon Lily’s body loosened under me. I made love to her like that for a long time, and when she responded with the first hesitant moan, I wanted to fucking scream in triumph. But I couldn’t last forever, not with the way her walls clamped around me and I had a feeling she wasn’t going to come. Next time she would. And there would be a next time, I knew that now. When it came to Lily, I couldn’t resist temptation.
I sped up even more until I felt my cock tighten and released into her. I held Lily tightly as I rocked my hips desperately, then I stilled.
She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against my chest.
“Are you okay?” I murmured.
She nodded, but didn’t say anything. I pulled back slightly and tilted her face up, worried she was crying. But she merely looked exhausted, and happy.
Relief washed over me. I pulled out of her slowly and removed the condom. Before I thrust it into the trash bin, I caught sight of the blood smeared on the condom.
For some reason it took that image to let reality set in. Fuck. What had I done?
“Romero?” Lily whispered. I lay down beside her and pulled her into my arms. She didn’t need to know my thoughts. I didn’t want her to worry.
It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep but I lay awake for hours. Eventually I slipped out of bed and walked toward the window. I stayed out toward the ocean for a long time. Regret wasn’t a useful emotion. You couldn’t undo the past. I turned back to the bed.
Lily lay curled up under the blanket, only her beautiful hair and peaceful face peeking out. She was deep asleep. I needed to wake her soon, so she could return to her own room. The sky outside the window was already starting to turn grey. Soon people would get up and it would be too risky if Lily was still in my room then. I should have sent her away immediately afterward for her own safety, but I didn’t have the heart to do it, and I didn’t want to see her go either so soon after what we’d done.
“Fuck,” I muttered. So far everything Lily and I had done had been risky but untraceable. But this, this could destroy Lily’s reputation and even start a war. Taking Lily’s virginity was a selfish thing to do. I knew better. I’d learned to make reasonable decisions over the years, to make decisions that were good for the Famiglia. But today I’d ignored my duty and my promise to Luca.
Lily sighed in her sleep and turned around. The blankets moved with her and the pink spot on the sheets became visible. I closed my eyes. Fuck. This was supposed to happen in her wedding night. But I knew that Rocco Scuderi would never give Lily’s hand to me in marriage. I was only a fucking soldier. Respected and honorable, but a soldier nevertheless. Despite my guilt over having taken Lily’s virginity, I knew I would do it again. I’d wanted to make her mine for so long, and this was the only way I could. At least now a part of her belonged to me, at least she’d never forget our night together, but I also knew it wasn’t enough. I didn’t want Lily to have only the memory of our shared night for the rest of her days, I wanted to remind her of the pleasure I could give her every night, I wanted to taste her, smell her, feel her every fucking night. I wanted to have her fall asleep in my arms and wake up next to me in the morning. I wanted to make her mine for everyone to know, but there was no way in hell I could do this without betraying Luca and the Famiglia. Luca treated me like a brother but if I did this, if I went against the Outfit by claiming Lily officially, he’d have to put me down like a rabid dog for the good of the Famiglia.
With a sigh, I walked toward the bed and bent over Lily. I brushed her hair away from her face. “Lily, you need to wake up,” I whispered.
Her eyelids fluttered and she turned on her back. The blankets slipped away, revealing her perfect breasts. Her nipples puckered at the cool air in the room. My cock stirred in response. I leaned over her. She even still smelled like me. Fuck. I was already getting hard again. She opened her eyes and gave me a sleepy smile. Happiness and trust shone on her face. Didn’t she realize that I’d destroyed her life last night?