But he had time for whores behind my mother’s back. Even I knew about them, and I was usually the last person who got wind of these kinds of things. I’d never heard him say a kind word to Mother. I’d always assumed he could only show affection behind closed doors but now I realized he probably never did. The only nice thing he ever did was to buy her expensive jewelry.
“Don’t get me wrong, I respect your father.”
“But you don’t love him,” I finished. I’d always been sure Mother loved Father, even when he didn’t return the feeling, but finding out that there was nothing between them somehow felt like a punch in the stomach. Aria and Gianna had made the best of their arranged marriages but now I realized that many weren’t as lucky and never loved or even tolerated their husbands. Most women in our world were trapped in a loveless marriage with a cheating and sometimes even violent man.
She sighed, her eyes sliding shut, her skin becoming even paler than before. “I always told myself there was still time to do the things I love, to be happy, and now? Now it’s too late.”
Would those words always feel like a punch every time she voiced them? “No,” I said shakily. “It’s not. Don’t give up.”
She looked at me with a sad smile. “It won’t be much longer. For me there’s nothing but regret. But you have your whole life ahead of you, Liliana. Promise me you’ll live it to the fullest. Try to be happy.”
I swallowed hard. All my life my mother had told me to accept my fate, to be a good girl, to be dutiful. “I want to marry for love.”
“You should,” she whispered.
“Father won’t allow it. He’ll find someone for me, won’t he?”
“Aria and Gianna made good matches. You don’t have to marry for tactical reasons. You should be free to fall in love and marry that special boy.”
An image of Romero popped into my head, and a swarm of butterflies filled my stomach.
“I remember that look,” Mother said softly. “There is someone, hm?”
I blushed. “It’s silly. He isn’t even interested in me.”
“How could he not be? You’re beautiful and intelligent and come from a good family. He’d be crazy not to fall for you.”
I’d never talked to Mother like this, and I felt incredibly sad that it had taken cancer for us to be this close. I wished she’d been that kind of mother before, and then I felt guilty for thinking something like that. “He’s not someone Father would approve of,” I said eventually. And that was a huge understatement. “He’s just a soldier.”
“Oh,” Mother whispered. She had trouble keeping her eyes open. “Don’t let anyone stop you from achieving happiness.” The last few words were barely audible as Mother slowly drifted off to sleep. I slipped my hand out from beneath hers and stood. Her breathing was labored, raspy and flat. I could almost imagine how it would stop any second. I backed out of the room but didn’t close the door. I wanted to make sure I would hear it if Mother called for help.
I headed toward the staircase where I almost bumped into Father. “Mother, will be happy to see you,” I said. “But she’s just fallen asleep, so you will have to wait a bit.”
He loosened his tie. “I wasn’t going to your mother. I have a few more meetings scheduled.”
“Oh, right.” That’s why he smelled like a perfume shop and why his suit was wrinkled. He’d spent the morning with one of his whores and was probably on his way to the next. “But she’d love to see you later.”
Father narrowed his eyes. “Did you call your sister? Luca called me this morning to tell me he and Aria were on their way to Chicago to visit your mother.”
“They have a right to say goodbye.”
“Do you really think they want to see your mother like this? Your mother was once a proud woman, if she were still in her right mind, she wouldn’t want anyone to see her in this pitiful state.”
Anger bubbled up. “You’re embarrassed by her, that’s all!”
He raised a finger in warning. “Careful. Don’t take that tone with me. I know you’re under a lot of pressure but my patience is running thin at the moment.”
I pressed my lips together. “Are Aria and Luca still coming, or did you forbid them from visiting?” I didn’t mention that Gianna would be visiting as well. He’d find out soon enough and then Luca would hopefully be there to calm him down.
“They’ll be here in the afternoon. That’ll give Luca and Dante the chance to discuss business.”
That’s what he worried about? Business? His wife was dying and he didn’t give a shit. I nodded and left without another word. Half an hour later I watched my father leave the house again. There had been a time when I’d looked up to him. When I’d seen him in his black suites and thought he was the most important person in the world. But that hadn’t lasted long. The first time he raised his hand against Mother, I knew he wasn’t the man I thought he was.***
Aria, Gianna, and Luca arrived two hours later. Matteo had stayed in New York. Not only because Luca needed someone he trusted there, but because Gianna’s encounter with Father would be explosive anyway. If Matteo was there as well, someone would die.
Aria and Gianna hugged me tightly in greeting. “How are you?” Aria asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s hard to see Mother so weak.”
“And Father acting like a jerk isn’t helping,” Gianna muttered.
Luca gave me a small nod. “I’ll wait in the kitchen. I still have a few phone calls to make.”
I had a feeling he only wanted to give us time alone with our mother and I was grateful for that. I almost asked him about Romero but then I stopped myself.
I led my sisters upstairs. When we stepped into Mother’s bedroom, shock flashed across their faces. Even I, who kept her company every day, was shocked every morning when I saw how broken she looked, and the smell was horrible as well. The nurses cleaned the floor and furniture with disinfectant twice a day but the stench of decay and urine still covered everything. It even seemed to cling to my clothes and skin, and clogged my nose when I couldn’t sleep at night.