Her life certainly hadn’t been boring.
A bit of monotony wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
Her biggest fear now was that she just wouldn’t fit in. How could she possibly be related to these people? Not only were they megawealthy, but they were also kind and humorous, and so accepting.
They were the exact opposite of her in so many ways. Even if Bryson thought she was a good person, enough other people had beat her down that what she believed about herself didn’t measure up, and yet the Anderson family still wanted to know her, still wanted to accept her with open arms, her faults and all.
She had to admit that she was proud of herself, because she had managed to keep her insecurities at bay, and she’d managed to keep a smile on her face rather than looking like a goldfish flopping around after the cat had swiped it from the comforts of its little bowl.
Family amusements had zoomed around her, with Joseph and the boys smoking a cigar after the meal, telling stories, each one topping the other. The women, so comfortable with each other, spoke of activities they’d been involved in. Not once had the television clicked on; not once had there been silence. Her family members were comfortable in this amazing mansion, and though they had included her, she still felt as if she were on the other side of a glass wall, looking in. And yet she’d held it together, kept her anxiety from showing.
When it had come time for bed, she’d been disappointed when Bryson hadn’t shared her room. Maybe he’d thought she needed time to absorb it all; maybe he needed a break. She wasn’t sure of the reason, but she did know that she’d had plenty of alone time in her life, and she didn’t relish the thought of a lot more of it.
But she couldn’t allow herself to get too used to having him by her side. Yes, she was falling in love with him, but that didn’t mean he felt the same about her. Most likely, once the case against Jesse ended, so would her relationship with this wonderful man.
As she continued walking, her thoughts returned to the Andersons, and she wondered whether she could mold herself into a woman worthy of being part of her family. Could she somehow change into a person who belonged? Other people managed to change their circumstances, change their lives. She might be able to do the same.
Maybe she could even be the kind of woman Bryson would consider forever with.
This absolute need to belong was painful. But it offered her a light at the end of the tunnel. Once again, it was hope that was her biggest weakness. Most of the people she’d known from her days on the streets knew their lives wouldn’t improve, knew they were going to remain where they were for the rest of their lives.
They didn’t bother with school or work. Society had given up on them, and so they gave up too. As much as Misty tried not to hope, she’d never been able to kill thoughts of a better future, and when she was disappointed time and time again, it hurt a little bit more each time.
Hope could be great, or it could be devastating. In her case, it had usually turned out badly.
“I’ve never particularly liked Seattle, but I have to say that this piece of paradise Joseph has managed to cut out for himself isn’t too bad.”
Misty jumped and then turned to find Bryson sauntering toward her. Dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a sweatshirt with a coat thrown over, and with a wool cap covering his hair, he looked younger and slightly less daunting than usual.
“Bryson. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be up this early.”
“I’ve always been a morning person. I took a jog about an hour ago and then went up to shower and change. I looked out the window and noticed you down here, so decided to join you.”
“I haven’t ever been to the beach to see a sunrise before,” she said.
“The sunsets are a lot more spectacular than the sunrises on this side of the States, and the ocean is several miles to the west, but it’s still nice to be out when the sky brightens. I’ll have to take you to the East Coast sometime so you can see a proper sunrise.”
She didn’t want to ruin their moment and remind him that they weren’t going to be seeing each other too much longer. And she had more of a chance of winning a lottery that she never bought tickets for than of standing beside the Atlantic Ocean and watching a sunrise with this man.
When his hand slipped down and took hers, Misty couldn’t think of a single reason to pull back. His fingers felt warm against her skin, and she liked the idea of holding on to Bryson. If only she could hold on to him forever…
Maybe one of the reasons she was disappointed so often was because she dared to dream of things she couldn’t possibly have. If she didn’t set herself up for failure, then she would have no reason to be upset when things didn’t work out the way she wanted them to.
But she could hardly think clearly and rationally when such a handsome man was walking alongside her and holding her hand. Being here, around this family, around this man, was messing with her head. She needed to have this trial over with so she could settle into a normal life — whatever her new life, the new normal, was going to be.
Would she end up moving here? It made sense. She had no connections in Montana, nothing to hold her there. At least if she were here, she could find a decent job and get to know her family. Montana held nothing for her anymore — nothing but heartache.
“What will you do when this is all over with? Will you move?” Bryson asked.
How did he do that? He’d somehow read her mind again!
“I don’t know yet. I received one of those community college catalogs in my mailbox a couple of weeks ago and was looking through it.” Misty was almost embarrassed to say that aloud.
“That’s great. What would you like to study?”
She glanced over at him, to see whether he was mocking her, or if he thought she was a fool even to consider such a thing, but he seemed genuinely curious. It gave her the courage to continue speaking.
“I honestly don’t know. I was looking at the classes they offer, and there seemed to be some really fascinating subjects. I don’t…” she paused, embarrassed to go on, but then she firmed her shoulders and decided to finish. “I…uh…don’t have my high school degree, but I’ve always read a lot, spent hours in the library, and I found out that I can study for the GED through a community college, and the places I was looking at had easier admission requirements. I don’t know how I’d even afford it, but it was just a thought.”
“Where there’s a will, there’s always a way, Misty. I think that would be wonderful. And no matter where you decide to live, there are always colleges nearby. There are also a lot of online schools for those who can’t get to a school, but I would suggest you go to a campus just so you can have that experience. Especially since you’ve missed out on so much already.” As he spoke, his voice grew animated.
“I don’t think it’ll ever be a reality, Bryson. It was just something I was looking at.”
“Don’t do that.” His changed manner, now stern and abrupt all of a sudden, stopped her in her tracks. He’d never used that tone before.
“Don’t do what?”
“You are constantly saying what you can’t or shouldn’t do. Don’t do that to yourself. It’s not who you are. I see strength of will underneath the downbeat and downtrodden exterior you’re trying to show the world. If you portray a weakling, then that’s what the world will see. Do you want people to look through you? Do you want to fade away into nothingness?”
“I’m already there,” she shouted. She was tired of listening to him lecture her.
“Only if you decide to be there. No one makes our destinies, Misty. No one! We can choose to let the world make us disappear, or we can stand up and shout back that we aren’t going to take it. If you let yourself be kicked while you’re down, then passersby will think that’s acceptable and they will join in and start kicking you, too. Did you just roll over when you met me?”
“No. But I was frightened,” she said, wrapping her arms around her now trembling body. It was cold and this fight seemed to be using up her energy, making her suddenly shiver.
“You’ve been frightened for most of your life and you’ve always fought back. Dammit, you should be one hell of a champion by now.”
That wasn’t something she’d thought about before. Was she a fighter? She’d gotten away from the foster parents who had abused her, escaped when street junkies had tried to do worse than abuse her, and she’d outsmarted a dirty cop. Maybe she was stronger than she gave herself credit for.
“Take my coat,” Bryson said. He removed it and draped it around her shoulders, then pulled her close and wrapped her in a warm embrace.
“You’ll get cold,” she protested through chattering teeth. It was more emotional than physical, but she couldn’t stop shivering.
“I’m made of solid steel. The elements can’t hurt a superman like me,” he replied, making her smile.
The wind was nipping at her neck, but she was warming up quickly as she stayed enfolded in Bryson’s strong arms. This man was dangerous. He could uproot her entire life with a few words. He could make unspoken cravings rush to the surface.