I look over to find Ford and to my surprise he's not running. He's watching me. I walk up the remaining steps and he starts heading my direction.
My stomach flips a little at this change-up in our routine.
"What are you doing?" I ask when he gets close enough so I don't have to yell.
"You're ready now?"
"Ready for what?"
"To work."
I'm tired of his cryptic messages. "Whatever, Ford. I just wanted to see how fast I could go for how long. Don't get excited, I'm not about to morph into some health nut. I come here because we made a deal. If you want the deal to be over, stop f**king showing up outside my apartment at five AM. It's real simple. If you're not there, I don't go." He smiles that hidden smile again, and it confuses me for a second. Why is he smiling now? "Are we done for today or what?"
"Do you want to be done?"
"It's up to you, Ford."
"No, Rook, it's up to you. I'm not done, but you're free to go if you wish."
More psychology bullshit from him. "Why are you so weird? What kind of game are you playing with me?"
"Just run the stadiums, Rook. Is that what you want me to tell you? Give you orders? Are you waiting for orders?"
Am I?
I turn and walk away.
Because I might be. I might actually be waiting for him to tell me what to do. It makes me sick when I think about it.
A hand grasps my upper arm and I whirl around.
"OK, wait," Ford says as he looks down at me. "Just answer this, Rook. Do you want to come here with me in the mornings?"
Silence from me.
"Well? It's either yes or no."
I laugh at that. Because it's not that easy. If I say yes and mean it, then I'd have to start asking myself a whole bunch of other questions. If I say no, well, that's just a lie. Because the fact is, I do want to come here with him. I sorta like it. I like the fact that he's outside every morning. He's weirdly reliable. And strangely persistent. "Yes."
He smiles that smile again and my whole stomach flutters. "OK, so get busy then. If you're going to spend time here, don't waste it. Make it count."
And then he turns around and starts running again.
I turn as well and start down my set of stairs at a faster clip. Going down isn't easy at a run because the steps are not even, it's like you have to take two steps forward and then step down. It's an odd rhythm. My legs hurt when I get to the bottom, but not in the same way as when I go back up. I'm slower this time, my muscles more strained, but I have to admit, when I get to the top I feel pretty exhilarated. I continue this way, and with each set I get slower and slower. By the time Ford turns to head back my way I'm sitting down leaning up against the cinder-block wall.
He walks towards me and then stands still, leaning over to let the sweat drip as he catches his breath.
"So you gonna tell me who you're chasing? Or are you the only one who gets to ask questions?" Two can play this game.
He straightens, just like he did yesterday, but instead of turning away he slides down the wall and sits next to me. "You have no idea who Ronin is, Rook."
Everything inside me does a little flip. "What?"
"It's not a disparaging remark. Just a fact."
"But you do? That's what you're saying?"
"I do," he says matter-of-factly. "I've watched him in some very stressful situations, and he's seen me under the same circumstances. We may not like each other, but we do know each other. Very well."
"So when he tells me you're f**ked in the head, then that's just as true as you telling me he's only using me to play out his hero fantasy."
That smile again. I have to look away and wait for his answer.
"My father was a famous psychiatrist. I was a weird kid, I liked reading and computers and I wanted to be like my dad, so I read all his books on human behavior and psychology and I used to freak people out in school by diagnosing them with clinical disorders and f**king with their school records online."
He laughs and when I look over at him I can't help myself, I smile at his huge grin.
It's the first personal thing he's ever told me. "Are you using that psych bullshit on me right now? By confiding in me with this sincere admission of childhood nerdiness?"
He grins again and this time his smile lights up his brown eyes. "You know, you're very smart. You don't belong here. And I might've come across a little strange back in school, so I can't blame Ronin for his opinion, plus I pulled a f**ked-up prank on him once. It was stupid and childish, and not something he'd forget easily. But I'm not trying to make your life difficult, Rook. I'm just trying to make you stronger."
"So I won't need Ronin."
He turns to look at me and now the smile is gone. My stomach knots up as I meet his gaze. "Yes. That's why. I have a disadvantage here because I don't want people to need me like Ronin does. I don't want to slow down for someone, Rook. I want someone to keep up with me."
"But that's selfish."
"Why?"
"Because if you like someone you should want to help them."
"I am helping you."
I roll my eyes at him. "Not me, specifically. I just think that if you like someone you'd be willing to give up a little piece of yourself to keep them. If you really liked someone, you'd be OK with slowing down."