And I savored each second.
You see, time was something that had almost been taken away from us, and now, we were spending most of it together.
We had moved fast, and I’d even met Ally.
When the three of us had walked away from that dinner we’d had together, I had known Ally thought I was the most perfect man in the world for her best friend.
I wished like hell that were true.
I wanted it to be.
I wanted to be everything Billie needed.
I wanted to be her end.
But that could never happen. That was where time was working against me. No matter what, this would always be a temporary situation that could never become permanent. So, I made sure to wrap myself around every moment we had together, the same way I was doing right now, grasping her waist as we walked through SoHo.
The air was crisp for spring, but both of us wanted to be outside. There was a coffee in my other hand, a tea in hers. We’d spent the morning cooking in my condo and come out to do some shopping. Not my favorite thing, but I’d learned it was one of hers, and I enjoyed the part where I got to watch her model the outfits.
We weren’t a block past my place when she led me into a boutique. I knew the store well; we’d been several times. When she brought me inside, I assumed she would go to the women’s section, but instead, she went to the men’s. I followed her to a table of ties where she was running her fingers across them.
“Stop.”
She looked at me, and I nodded toward the one her hand was on.
“It’s sharp.”
She smiled as she held the black-and-white-striped tie in her hand, and then she set it against my neck, keeping it there while she gazed at me. “It’s perfect.”
“For what?”
Her smile grew even larger. “Next weekend.”
I’d reached for her waist at some point, holding it while she set the tie on me. Now, my grip was threatening to tighten like my fucking jaw was doing. “What’s next weekend, Billie?”
“I’m going home to visit, and I was hoping you’d come with me.”
Every time she mentioned leaving the city for this trip—and at this point, it had been a few times—I didn’t like it.
Here, I could protect her.
There, I couldn’t.
But this was the first mention of me coming with her, and her face told me she wanted it more than anything.
She pulled the tie off me and rested it across her arm in a way that inferred she was going to buy it. “It’ll be fun. My family is amazing, and they’re dying to meet you. I promise, you’ll have the most wonderful time.”
She had told me all about them.
I knew their names. Occupations. Hobbies.
I even knew the names of the family who had passed.
As Billie looked at me to give her an answer, she stared with so much adoration in her eyes. So much emotion. With me, that girl couldn’t hide her feelings, no matter how hard she tried. She showed it all, and I ate up every goddamn expression.
That was why it killed me to say, “I can’t.” When disappointment came across her face, I added, “I was going to tell you about the party I have to attend next Saturday. It just slipped my mind.”
She said nothing.
“You know I wouldn’t miss the chance of meeting your family unless it was extremely important.” I sighed. “I’m sorry.” My hand clasped down harder, which she would take as an apology.
And it was … for lying.
I was staring at the woman I cared about so deeply, saying words that weren’t close to the truth.
This was my new reality.
The way I chose to live until she despised me.
“It’s okay.” Her hand went to my chest where she kept it close to my heart. “You know I understand, Jared. I used to be the same way about work.”
She hadn’t agreed to fly, but she was starting to open up to the idea.
It had been six months since the crash. I considered that progress in addition to the weight she’d put on, giving her the body I’d admired on the plane.
She was almost there.
That was what I focused on to keep my heartbeat steady, and then I asked, “How are you going to get home?”
She took a drink of her tea. “I’m going to rent a car and drive.”
“That’s a good six hours if you don’t hit any traffic.” I set my coffee down and reached for my phone to shoot off a text to my assistant. “I’ll have Tony drive you.”