Normally, she came into the barn before going into the house, looking for Ren and sometimes me to say hi before the routine of dinner and homework.
Perhaps, she’d forgo her usual visit today, and my nightmare would go unseen.
I held my breath, hoping against hope that she’d stay away while also a huge part of me wanted to be cared for, for another girl to help me, and to be told I wasn’t going to die with the amount of pain I was in.
Her footsteps sounded outside the bedroom door. Her gentle knock reverberating in my pounding my head. “Hello? Anyone home?”
I groaned under my breath, burrowing my head into my pillow, my face on fire and body in agony as she opened the door and found me.
“Oh, my God, Della.” She dashed toward me, dropping her messenger bag and cupping my face with her cool hands. She’d grown from the rebellious teenager I looked up to, to a confident young woman who I envied, and here she was, being kind to me.
I burst into tears as she dragged me into her arms.
I could tell you in graphic detail how she helped wash me, dress me, strip and remake my bed, feed me comforting yummy food, and fill me with painkillers, but I won’t bother. There’s no point because you won’t read this, and I don’t feel like living that particular part of my life any more than necessary.
By the time she sat me on the couch in her room with music posters and trophies won at horse shows and dressage competitions, I felt somewhat normal and listened intently to the lesson she gave on pads versus tampons and what to expect during my new cycle.
A closeness blossomed between us, and I’d never felt so in-tune with her.
She was my angel, and I’d never forget what she did for me.
By the time Ren returned, smelling of earth with dirt under his nails, my secret was hidden, my newfound womanhood none of his business, and now, for the first time, Cassie and I shared a smile that spoke of our own special secrets.
She didn’t tell anyone I hadn’t gone to school, and the next day, instead of heading to her uni classes, she took the day off and grabbed me as I forced myself out of bed.
I was still sore but nowhere near as bad.
“Is Ren gone?” she asked, looking around the messy one bedroom.
I nodded, struggling to get up the energy to haul on my school uniform. “Yep.”
“Good. Get dressed in your joddies and boots. You’re not going to school today.”
“I’m not?”
“Nope.” She grinned with her hair plaited with a ribbon similar to the one I wore every day. “My mum let me have three days off school when I had my first period. She bought me flowers and cakes and told me turning into a woman was something to be celebrated even though I wanted to yank out my womb and never have another one.”
I giggled softly, standing in my pyjamas with one of the pads she’d given me between my achy legs. “Me, too.”
Her eyes warmed. “You don’t want me to tell anyone, so it’s come down to me. I know you don’t really like the mall, so we’re gonna go for an all-day ride. I have a hot water bottle for your tummy in my saddlebag and lots of painkillers. I’m sure you probably don’t feel like it, but the doctors always say exercise and endorphins help the pain.”
She was so full of life and friendship that I couldn’t say no.
I didn’t want to say no.
This was Cassie accepting me as a friend not just as a younger nuisance, and she wanted to spend all day with me.
Needless to say, I loved her for that too. She let me ride my favourite of her horses—black and white Domino—and she rode her newest warmblood cross called Mighty Mo.
Armed with salad sandwiches and a slice of strawberry sponge cake, we headed off and spent the day riding, chatting, and being two simple girls sharing each other’s company.
It was one of my favourite days, despite the lingering ache in my belly.
As we rode, propriety fell away, and we giggled at crude things, gossiped about people at her uni, and generally didn’t care about right or wrong.
As our bond deviated from polite conversation to openness, more complicated topics filled my head. There were so many things I wanted to ask her, but embarrassment kept me silent.
That was, until she asked if I wanted to gallop over a rolling meadow after our lunch by the forest edge, and we’d ended up racing each other. Hair streaming beneath helmets, hands clutching reins, and legs tight against saddles.
The adrenaline hit me, making me giddy and chatty. Nothing was better than a gallop. I felt free. Not trapped by age or expectation. I was just Della, and she was just Cassie, and for once, we were equals.