At least those thoughts were few and far between—I could forget about any future worries because when I was with Della, she made me exist purely in the now. When her fingers touched my arm or her lips landed on mine, nothing else mattered.
Nothing.
And that was the best gift she could give me because for the first time, I was free from worry. Free from the weight of responsibility and concern for her future and mine.
“Ren?” Della cocked her head, her hands glittering in scales as she rasped the silver fish I’d caught.
I put down the snare I was making to catch dinner, giving her my undivided attention. Her hair was lighter from living outdoors, bordering white gold instead of sunshine. The blue of her ribbon peeked between the glossy strands, dangling a little over her shoulder.
“Yeah?”
“I know we agreed not to discuss it again, but…it’s all I can think about.”
I groaned, leaning heavily against the sapling I’d chosen to sit by. “Della, you know why I can’t—”
“It’s not enough. It doesn’t feel complete.”
I wouldn’t admit that I felt the same way. That whenever I was inside her, I hated, hated having to pull out before I came. We’d gone through her box of condoms—the box I’d bought her and probably close to their expiry date—within the first few days of sleeping together.
Once they’d run out, we had no other alternative. To start with, I’d adamantly swore I wouldn’t touch her again until we had more. That had blown into a massive argument where she threw logic in my face and made me agree that since I’d never had unprotected sex before her and she hadn’t either—we were safe in that respect. However, I wasn’t just worried about that.
I didn’t want to hurt her, and I knew what would happen if we continued sleeping together with no protection.
She’d get pregnant.
And as much as I loved her, she was far too young to be shackled with a kid—I should know after dedicating my life to a child I hadn’t planned—and far too naïve to think it wouldn’t happen.
And out here? If she got pregnant, so many things could go wrong. Even if we headed back into town, we had no insurance or money to pay for hospital stays and baby check-ups, and I refused to put her in danger when it was avoidable.
“You got your wish. We’re still having regular sex. It doesn’t matter if I come on your stomach or inside you, it still feels incredible.” I lowered my voice, giving her a dark smile. “Believe me, Della, that first time I felt you without anything between us, it took everything I could not to come that very second.”
She huffed, not buying my attempt to redirect the conversation. “It doesn’t feel complete, and I struggle to come, knowing you can’t finish with me.” She brushed away a tumbled curl with the back of her hand, decorating her forehead with a fish scale.
Seeing her in a stretched sweater hanging over her shoulder, jeans with holes and frays, and dirt beneath her nails with mess upon her face made me hard.
So damn hard.
I loved how wild she was. How the last name she’d baptised us with matched us perfectly. And because she was wild, she wanted our sex to be wild.
Three weeks ago, she’d crawled onto my lap while I was turning a spit-roast of rabbit and undone my shorts before I could stop her.
She’d been naked under one of my t-shirts, and it only took a second for her to squeeze me, jerk me, and make me hard enough to slip inside her. I’d become her prisoner the second I felt her wet heat, allowing her to take from me until…she stood as suddenly as she’d sat on me, her eyes harsh and dangerous.
It had been the night after our fight about the condoms, and she still hadn’t forgiven me for not giving in.
Well, she won. And she won again when she looked me in the eye, then dashed away, barefoot and hair free, disappearing into the woods.
I wasn’t responsible for what I did next. I wasn’t myself as I tossed good meat into the cinders, clutched my open shorts to keep them on, and took off after her.
So many times we’d played chase when she was little. So many times I’d run after her when she was angry or cheeky or pissed, and because of those games, I knew how to play this one.
I knew how to track her. Knew the weaves and ducks she favoured. Never staying in a straight line, she used the undergrowth to hide her.
The small hitches of her breath and snaps of bracken as she navigated the gloom led me directly to her.
She didn’t see me until it was too late.
And when I did…my behaviour was abominable.