Shock slowly morphed to rage.
Rage magnified to fury and I couldn’t contain it anymore.
I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t affected as I nodded at the fisherman and somehow made my way back to Jacob’s hut with tear-blind eyes and a dead heart.
Villagers smiled and waved but I just kept walking. Walking until I sank to my knees in front of Jacob’s forgotten suitcase. His scent of grass and sea lingered as I slowly fell out of love into hate.
My hands shook as I reached forward and yanked clothes from the neatly packed case, one after another, throwing them against the wall with tears raining and agony spilling.
“How could you?!”
A pair of shorts floated to the floor as I tossed them.
“How could you run after last night?”
A pair of flip-flops bashed against the bathroom door.
“You son of a bitch!”
I threw a can of deodorant at the bed.
Needing to destroy something, to destroy him, I rummaged in the bottom of the case, looking for something heavy to throw.
I froze as my fingers latched around something metallic and round.
Pulling it free from boxer-briefs he didn’t need and a sun-faded T-shirt he’d left behind, I gasped as the compass his dead father gave him sat accusing in my palm.
A compass to show direction.
A compass with an inscription to follow Jacob’s true path.
Yet another casualty in Jacob’s disappearance.
A treasured belonging—now a left-behind relic.
A strange, frosty silence filled me, replacing my fragmented heart, transforming my affection with icy annihilation.
This compass meant so much to Jacob. His father was the reason he wouldn’t love me.
If he could leave this behind? I didn’t stand a chance.
Nothing had been more final or so black and white.
A tear plopped off the tip of my nose as my fury receded into emptiness.
So be it.
No more.
I couldn’t keep doing this.
I was done.
Officially. Totally.
Done.
My phone rang, shattering my oppressive ending.
I had no energy. I wanted to stay slumped like a marionette with a compass for her only friend.
But the shrill cell phone demanded I pick up, forcing me from my knees to my feet and dragging me in a stupor to the bedside table.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone.
I wanted to throw the contraption out the window.
But as I glanced at the screen, obligation made me accept the call.
I owed this person an explanation.
I’d tried.
I’d done as she said.
I’d failed.
Holding it to my ear, I sighed and bit back my tears. “Cassie.”
“Hope, thank goodness I got you. I’ve been trying for hours. It wouldn’t connect.”
I shrugged. Was that my fault too? Just as I hadn’t told Jacob about his grandfather was my fault? Or the fact that I wasn’t good enough for Jacob to give me his heart?
I wallowed in my soul-break. “I’m not in the mood to talk, Cassie. He’s gone. He left before I could tell him.”
“Oh, sweetie….what happened?”
Her concern made my back prickle with anger. “Nothing happened.”
“Why do you sound so upset?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Did he hurt you?” Her voice lowered.
“When has he not hurt me?”
“Oh, God, I’m sorry.” She paused before whispering, “Shit, this is all my fault.”
I stood staring at the compass in my hand, clutching it with hatred. The temptation to chuck it through the open door sent fire down my arm. “What do you mean, your fault?”
A hitch in her voice echoed in my ear. “I…I spoke to him a few hours ago.”
I froze. “What?”
“I was calling to talk to you, but he answered instead. I wasn’t expecting it. And…”
“And what?”
“I told him. About his grandfather.”
The strength in my knees gave out. I collapsed onto the bed. “He knows.”
“He knows he has a limited amount of time to get here. Even if he could somehow get here today, I think he’ll be too late.”
“John’s dying?”
Cassie cried quietly. “He’s hours away from leaving us.”
Cold tears trickled down my cheeks, and I knew exactly where Jacob had gone. Why he hadn’t left a note. Why he chose not to wake me.
His fears had come true.
He’d indulged in love for one night, and his grandfather would die because of it.
Death had proven to be stronger than life.
“He’s gone home…to John.” I traced the compass with a shaking thumb. “He might make it.”
Cassie’s voice shuddered. “I hope he does…if he doesn’t, I don’t know what it will do to him.”
I did.
Just like my heart had broken for the last time, Jacob’s would too.
He would no longer be capable of caring.
He’d shut down, give up…die.
A corpse going through the motions of the living, inching closer to the grave he so craved.
Because death was so much simpler than fighting a war with no end.
The compass warmed in my hand. A breeze creaked through the hut, rustling in the thatched roof. Goosebumps ghosted down my arms as a presence touched me.
It felt like a hug from beyond of understanding and acceptance.