“Exactly.” He nodded sharply.
“Well, too bad. I’ve ruined your simple.”
“Yeah, you did. But I’m dealing with it.”
“Ha! You’re not dealing with it at all!” Running hands through my hair, I laughed coldly. “You know what? You want space? Fine, I’ll give you space. I’m done pining over you. I’m done being so stupidly hopeful that one day you’ll wake up and realise that friendship isn’t something to despise. I’ve liked you for years. Years! What a waste. Though, the way you just acted with Carter makes me think a part of you does like me. That a tiny piece of your heart is open to the idea of getting close to someone, but that’s a lie, isn’t it? And I keep falling for it every damn time. But you can’t have it both ways, Jacob. You can’t say you want to protect me when you don’t even care about me. You can’t act as if I’m yours when you’ve made it abundantly clear I will never be. So just stop, okay? I’ve gotten the message. Finally. I’ll leave you to your simple. But just because you’re not happy doesn’t mean I don’t want to be. So stop scaring away those who try when you’re too afraid to do the same.”
My voice cracked, and I had nothing more to say.
I hadn’t even planned to say that.
But it’d spilled from a place that held a lot of hurt, and I was done.
I couldn’t take it back.
And right now, I didn’t really care what happened.
“Here.” Shoving the plastic bags of horse minerals against his chest, I hissed, “Pay for those. I’m going to walk back to Cherry River. I’ll see you later.”
He bowed his head as if I’d cut him with a thousand knives.
And maybe I had.
But I was done worrying about his feelings.
He wanted to prove he had none?
He’d just succeeded.
“Goodbye, Jake.”
This time, it was my turn to leave and not look back.
* * * * *
Lying on my back in a freshly baled field, the stars above were my friends.
Wisps of clouds formed grey ribbons over glittery orbs, soaking up my frustration and pain.
I’d been out here for an hour. The muggy summer air had cooled, and my thin pyjamas didn’t protect me from a slight chill. The prickly stalks of harvested grass weren’t nearly as comfortable as lush meadow.
But I didn’t want to be in bed. Definitely not in his bed.
I couldn’t sleep.
I hadn’t seen him since I’d walked back from the feed store, taking my time to meander down local streets and cut across another farmer’s land who raised alpacas. The funny animals had mobbed me, searching my pockets for snacks, all while their woolly coats gave me something to hold onto while I tortured myself with memories of what’d happened.
Why had I said what I did?
Would he ask me to leave?
Was having him love me more important than staying at Cherry River?
Who am I kidding?
It wasn’t as though I could stay here indefinitely. This wasn’t my home as much as I liked to pretend it was. I didn’t belong here. I didn’t belong anywhere. But I’d trespassed enough, and time waited for no one.
Regardless if I left tomorrow or next year, I would leave eventually.
There was no other conclusion to contemplate.
“Hope.”
I flinched as my eyes left the patchwork galaxy above and focused on the blonde-haired shadow beside me.
My heart raced as I propped myself up on my elbows. “Della. Um, what are you doing out here?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“Couldn’t sleep.”
“Me either.” She smiled. “Do you mind?”
I shook my head, scooting into a sitting position. “Not at all.”
With a small nod, she lowered herself beside me, sighing as the ribbony clouds dissolved, giving a glimpse of a crescent moon.
For the longest while, we didn’t speak. Our silence was companionable and soothing. I guessed our minds were on similar things. The love she’d lost and the love I’d yet to find.
Finally, with her arms wrapped around her knees and silver starlight making her look more my age than my dad’s, she said, “You’re very brave to love him, you know.”
I stiffened.
Words escaped me, and I shivered, not knowing how to respond. Stupid tears welled for no other reason than my affection for this woman. This wonderful woman who’d taken me in, shown me what it would’ve been like to have a mother who actually wanted a daughter, and cared for me as kindly as she cared for her son.
She hadn’t judged me, ridiculed me, or scolded me for making Jacob’s life harder. She’d stayed out of the way, her comforting presence there but not prying.
She glanced at me, tucking blonde waves behind her ear. “He’s too much like his father.” She smiled with a sad shrug. “And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry he’s hurting you.”
I sighed, plucking a piece of stalky grass. “He doesn’t mean to hurt me. He’s just…”