It made no sense that the land called to me so strongly. Even though I was born a city girl, raised a city girl, and would most likely end up marrying a city boy, a piece of me didn’t feel entirely safe unless it was on a sprawling estate with forests guarding every direction.
Dad somehow saw all that because I forgot to hide the truth.
He saw me.
The real me.
Not the rehearsed or scripted me.
And his face fell, understanding for the first time that I hadn’t taken after him or Mom. I was a stranger pretending to be family.
I let him down. As an actress. As his daughter.
Slowly, he nodded as if we’d had an entirely different conversation. “You don’t just miss the Wilds, do you? You miss their way of life.”
I hugged the cushion to my chest, trying to ward off his uncanny revelation. “I’m sure it’s just a case of the grass is greener on the other side.”
His eyes tightened. “Yet…I don’t think it is.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, inching toward the edge of his chair. “All this time, I believed you enjoyed travelling with me. When your mom was happy, she adored living in exotic places, going to the best restaurants, and shopping in the priciest shops.” He chuckled sadly. “I love to travel too. I’m good at my job because I enjoy slipping into the skin of another person, but only because it shows me how great my own life is when I come home…to you.”
For some reason, tears prickled. I didn’t know what to say or where I fit in thanks to Dad’s strange epiphany.
“Who do you take after, Hope Jacinta Murphy? Who are you when horses and farms flow in your blood rather than Hollywood and make-believe?”
I shivered as his stare became too intense.
“You care more about things you’ve never experienced than the world you’ve been brought up in.” He shook his head. “I thought, to begin with, it was just the novelty of horses that all little girls go through. But I’m too late. Too late to see that you’re happier on the moor in mud than you are on the red carpet in a pretty dress.” His chin fell, his gaze locked on the white rug on the hardwood floor. “How did I become so blind?”
The catch in his voice shot me off the couch so fast, the cushion and remote control slammed to the ground. Falling to my knees in front of him, I pressed my face against his trousers. “It’s okay, Dad. You’re overtired. You need to sleep—”
“What I need is to pay attention to my daughter who isn’t ten anymore.” His fingers pried under my chin, pulling my face upward. “You’re seventeen. You’re incredible. And you’re lonely. That’s what all this death stuff is about, isn’t it? You’re lonely. God, how long, Little Lace? How long have you been pretending to be happy for my sake?”
A tear rolled down my cheek, trickling over his knuckles at the wretched look in his gaze.
This was why I’d hid who I was. This was why I accepted minor parts he said I’d be good at and why I did my best to socialise with kids from the local school.
Because Dad had already lost so much.
And he couldn’t afford to lose me too.
Why had he suddenly seen now? What had I shown to hurt him so badly?
“I’m not lonely, Dad.” Even to my ears, the words were devoid of honesty.
He smiled sadly. “If that’s the best you can do, you need better acting lessons.”
I laughed at his joke, pulling my face from his touch. “Horse riding helps.”
“But it’s not just the horses, is it?” Dad cocked his head. “You’re just as happy mucking out a stall with hay in your hair and manure on your boots as you are riding the damn creatures. What is it about being grubby and earning blisters that appeals to you so much?”
I looked away shyly. “I don’t know.”
When he huffed under his breath, slouching into the chair as if he didn’t believe me, I rushed, “Honestly. I don’t know. I have this…craving inside. A need to be dirty because I feel like I’ve done something to deserve something if that makes sense? I want to be outside. I want to take a seed and turn it into a plant. I want to watch something grow rather than remember someone die.”
“Said like a true farmer’s daughter.” He smirked, making light of a heavy situation. “Perhaps the hospital gave me the wrong baby, huh? Maybe you’re not mine, after all.”
“I’m yours, Dad.” I pointed at my green gaze, the identical colour of his. “I’m just…going through a phase, that’s all.”
“A phase?” He chuckled. “A phase doesn’t last your whole life, Hope.”
I shrugged, grinning back stupid tears and doing my best to assure my beloved father I was happy, content, and all his. “I’ll be fine.”