Her gentle eyes lock on mine. “Thank you, Victor. I felt…” She shakes her head as she considers her words. “I felt dirty, broken.”
“You’re neither of those things. I love you so much, juguete.” I use the nickname I gave her since the moment she walked into my life, not to humiliate her, but to show her just how much I crave her to be everything to me. “You are my life, my love, my fucking queen. You’re beautiful, you’re strong, and you will rise.”
“You’re so sure.”
“I am,” I affirm. “Because I’ve watched you grow since you walked in here as a young girl. You’re a woman, a warrior.”
“But still your juguete?” Her dark brow arches, causing me to chuckle. There’s a small flicker of the flames that would always dance in her eyes, and I pray they return to the inferno that I know will take over not only her life, but mine. Because I bask in her fire.
“Eres el aire que respire,” I tell her—you’re the air I breathe.
She smiles, and it lights up the whole goddamned room. “Y tu eres el fueo que me mantiene caliente.” Her words—And you are the fire that keeps me warm—makes my heart soar.
“I have something for you,” I tell her, leading her to the desk. Pulling out the small box, I drop to a knee in front of her and pop the lid. “You will be my wife, my queen, my forever.”
A gasp falls from her mouth as she stares at the ring. It’s simple, elegant, and classic. A diamond just like her.
“That wasn’t a question, Diablo.” She laughs.
“I don’t need to ask you because I know you will say yes.”
Another laugh, which makes me smile. But she doesn’t refuse. Instead, she holds out her hand, and I slip the ring on her finger.
A perfect fit.
Just like us.
37
Sofía
The ring doesn’t feel real on my finger as I twist it back and forth. But it’s the only thing that grounds me to the chair.
“Sofía?” The gentle tone of the doctor drags my attention to her. She’s looking at me with sadness in her eyes, and it grips my heart painfully. Victor insisted I see her, he even wanted to be here, in the session with me. But I told him I’m strong enough to do this on my own. For now, at least.
“He had me chained to a bed,” I tell her, and she doesn’t flinch. She’s probably heard much worse in her line of work. “He called me names, said… he sounded so… satisfied.”
“Men like that enjoy the control they have, the violent tendencies that come with the act is how they… get off. And when they see the fear in your eyes or see your body trembling, that’s what they need to find satisfaction.”
I nod. I know this, and I should appreciate her trying to talk me through it, but I feel frustrated. “He used me, I bled.” I blink, one, twice, and then the waterworks start. “I wanted Victor there, I prayed so hard.” The pain of what happened, the memory of Rodrigo is still there as if he were lying on top of me, forcing himself inside me.
As much as I know Victor wants to help heal me, I know it won’t happen overnight. The trauma is still fresh in my mind.
“And when Victor didn’t get there on time… Were you angry at him?”
Shaking my head, I respond, “No, I wasn’t because I knew he would come for me. And when he did, he didn’t look at me as if I were broken.”
“But you felt broken.”
“Of course, I did.” My voice raises higher than I want it to, but she doesn’t say anything. “I felt betrayed, but in some way, I understand that I’m not responsible for it. I don’t blame myself, and I don’t blame Victor. I know that R-R-R…” I shake my head because I can’t say his name out loud.
“It’s okay, Sofía,” she tells me with a kind smile. “It takes time, and we’ll work through this. One day at a time.” Her reassurance calms me slightly. “You know, I think that you have a good man who loves you, and after a few sessions with me, I would recommend him sit in once you’re ready.”
I nod. “Yes. We can do that.” My voice cracks. “Will I always feel… tainted?”
“Not always, I think over time, you’ll realize how you’re not to blame. You didn’t ask for it. Most victims think it’s their fault, but the broken mind of the assailant is the culprit.”
“I want Victor to be able to touch me, I want to be able to touch myself without feeling dirty.” I feel lost. I feel alone even though I know I have people who care for me. And I hate that loneliness that seeps into my veins.