“You’re annoying.”
“Shelby.”
“Where are the kids? Shouldn’t you be home with them?”
“I’m ten feet away from where I was when I came out on my deck. If they need me, they can come out and get me. Now talk to me.”
Taking a drink from the bottle in my hand, I sit back and sigh. “Fine. When the bear broke into the house, Hunter sent pictures to Max then told him about helping you release the bear. Max flipped out and told me that he was going to take Hunter from me for putting him in danger,” I say softly, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of the whole situation.
“Do you guys have a custody agreement?” he asks, taking the bottle from my hand, putting it to his lips, and tipping it back. My stomach flips from the mere intimacy of the act, and it takes a lot of concentration to answer his question.
“N-no, we just agreed verbally that Hunter would live with me.”
“Custody wasn’t discussed during your divorce?” He frowns, and I shake my head then nod.
“It was, but the judge agreed that since we already had an agreement in place that was working for us, we didn’t need to change it.”
“Then you moved here.”
“Then I moved here,” I agree.
“My lawyer’s good. She’s out of Anchorage, but comes into town to meet with clients. I’ll see if she’s available to talk. If not, I’ll help you find someone who is.”
“Zach.” I swallow hard and close my eyes, wishing he would stop being nice. I can’t deal with him being nice to me.
“Baby, he’s not going to take Hunter from you,” he says gently, reading me wrong, and I feel his hand rest on my thigh and tears prickle the back of my eyes.
“You don’t know him. He will do everything he can to make it impossible for me to keep him. He has money and knows a lot of people.”
“Look at me, Shel,” he commands softly, and I shake my head. “Please, baby, look at me.”
Swallowing hard, I open my eyes and meet his. “Don’t give up before you’ve even started fighting.”
“I’m not giving up. I will fight until my last breath,” I whisper, holding his eyes. “I will never give up, but I know him. I know how he gets when he’s made up his mind. I know he will beat me down until I have nothing left inside of me to fight with.”
Concern and softness enter his eyes as he leans forward. “Then I guess it’s good I’m here to fight for you if that happens.”
“Don’t say that.” I sit back, dislodging his hand. “I don’t want you to fight for me.”
“I thought you’d come home.”
“What?” I frown, wondering what he’s talking about, and he moves closer, dropping his voice.
“When you left, I thought you just needed time to clear your head. I thought you’d come home. Then one month turned into two, then two into three, and you didn’t come back, didn’t answer my calls. You left me here.”
“We are not talking about that,” I breathe, panicking at the turn in conversation, the alcohol in my system wearing off far too quickly.
“I was drinking and doing drugs. Doing everything I could to kill the pain you left me with,” he confesses, and I stare at him in disbelief.
“You were fine. I think you proved that,” I hiss, and his face softens, but his eyes narrow in a way that causes me to brace.
“You’re so fucking stuck in your head that you’re blinded by the shit you’ve told yourself.”
“No, I just know you’re full of shit. You moved on, and it didn’t take long to do it either,” I remind him, but more so to remind myself.
“I never moved on. I’m still stuck in the past, trying to figure out how to get back the girl I let get away.”
“Stop.” I pull my eyes from his. I can’t do this. Not now, not while everything else around me is up in the air, not when I feel so completely vulnerable.
His hand moves to my jaw and my eyes turn toward him. “Why’d you come back?”
“I told you why.” I feel my jaw tighten.
“You did. You said this was where you were happy.”
“Gramp—”
“No,” he cuts me off, taking a hold of my chin, locking his eyes with mine. “We were happy. You and I were happy.”
“And then we weren’t,” I grit out, and his gaze drops for a moment and his hand moves from my chin to the back of his neck, squeezing.
“You’re right. At the end, we weren’t happy. We were heartbroken over Samuel, and neither of us knew how to process that grief,” he says to his lap, then lifts his eyes to meet mine once more. “But we didn’t hate each other. Didn’t end things ugly. There was a lot of pain between us, but there was also a lot of love.”
“You…” I close my eyes, needing to get my thoughts in order, which seems impossible to do when he’s sitting in front of me, saying what he’s saying. “You moved on,” I repeat, feeling my heart break all over again. I loved him. I loved him, and he moved on.
“I didn’t.”
“You got someone else pregnant and married them. You moved on,” I say louder, and he shakes his head and looks away for a moment.
“I did, and I’m sorry to say this, ’cause I know it’ll burn, but I don’t regret what happened between Tina and me, and I never will regret it, because I got two amazing kids who I love with everything in me out of what happened between us. That doesn’t mean I don’t regret losing you.”
“That was supposed to be us!” I yell, balling my hands into fists, wishing I had kept those words locked away. Wishing I didn’t just cut myself wide open in front of him, exposing everything I’ve kept protected for so long. “That was supposed to be us,” I repeat softly, moving my eyes from him to look at the trees beyond us.
“Could you ever regret having Hunter?” he asks gently, and my body stills as my eyes fly to his.
“Never.” I clench my jaw.
“I know you couldn’t. There’s no way you could. So how can you expect me to regret Aubrey and Steven?” Swallowing, I squeeze my eyes closed. He’s right. I know he’s right. I know that if I didn’t leave, I wouldn’t have Hunter, and he probably wouldn’t have Aubrey or Steven, and I would never want him to regret them. “I know you don’t want me to regret them, and I know you don’t want to believe me, but not going after you is my biggest regret.”
“Stop.” I try to move away from him, but he stands and puts his hands on either side of me, forcing me to stay put. “It’s the truth. Every day since you left, I’ve lived with the knowledge that I didn’t fight for us, that I didn’t try to find a way to make you want to stay, that I didn’t go to you and make you come home.”
“Who knows what would have happened to us if I stayed, or if I came back?” I whisper, then feel his hand slide over mine and down my ring finger.
“You’re right. We’ll never know what would have happened, but you need to know I didn’t just move on. I didn’t just stop loving you,” he says quietly, as his hand slides up my arm and around the back of my neck. His lips touch mine softly, so very softly that I’m almost not sure it happened before they’re gone and he’s standing a few feet away. “I’m gonna leave through the front. Lock the door when you go in.”
Then he disappears into my room, sliding the door closed behind him. I don’t know how long I sit out there, thinking about everything he said after he leaves, but by the time I go in, a million stars are littering the darkness above me.
Aubrey
“Steven,” I call into my brother’s dark room, after shutting the door behind me. “Steven.” I move closer to his bed then trip over something and almost fall on my face, catching myself at the last second before I hit the ground.
“What the hell are you doing in here, Bre? Get out,” Steven gripes, and I roll my eyes then feel around for the lamp I know is next to his bed and turn it on. “What the fuck?” he shouts, and I jump on him, covering his mouth while looking at the door.
“Don’t wake up Dad.”