“You know it’s going to be your ass on the line if someone asks about what happened today,” Officer Mitchel says to Dan.
“You gonna say something?” Dan questions.
“N-nu…No,” Officer Mitchel stutters.
“So how the fuck is anyone going to know that we didn’t follow procedure?” Dan growls, backing out of the driveway.
“I don’t know, just…what if they wonder why it took so long, or why she’s not cuffed?” he asks, sounding contrite.
“So you wanted me to handcuff her in front of her daughter, even though she was fully cooperating with us?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then what the fuck are you saying?”
“That we shouldn’t show favoritism.”
“Look, I have known James for the last twenty years. He is a good man, and from what I know, his boys are good solid men too. Yes, Lilly has been accused of a crime, but until she is found guilty, she is innocent. No, I didn’t cuff her. She also has no history of violence and has cooperated since the beginning of this investigation.”
“All right, you made your point,” Officer Mitchel says, looking out the window. We drive the thirty minutes in silence, and once we pull up outside of the precinct, Officer Mitchel gets out, opening my door. His hand goes to his back, and I hear the distinct sound of metal and know what’s coming. My stomach rolls, and I swallow against the nausea.
“I’m sorry about this,” Officer Mitchel says, and I can hear his sincerity. Once I’m cuffed, the weight of the metal on my wrist feels like a thousand pounds. I’m lead inside the police station by Dan with a hand wrapped around my elbow. He directs me to a small room that has a long metal table and a large mirror across from where I’m seated.
“We will be back in a few minutes, darlin’,” Dan says, and I nod looking at myself. I wonder how the hell this kind of thing keeps happening to me. It takes about twenty minutes for Dan and Officer Mitchel to come back into the room. Dan un-cuffs my hands but places a cuff around my ankle so that I’m attached to the chair.
“Thanks,” I say softly, rubbing my wrist. I can still feel the cold weight of the cuffs even now that they are gone.
“All right, let’s get started,” Dan says, pulling out a large envelope. I watch as he opens it and starts pulling out papers. I can see my name and copies of checks; my breathing picks up and I start to feel lightheaded. Even knowing I didn’t do what I’m being accused of, I still feel guilty that my name is involved. “Now, as you know, the last time that we brought you in we didn’t have enough evidence against you to charge you with a crime,” Dan says and I watch him take a deep breath before his eyes come back to me. “Unfortunately, that has changed.”
“No,” I whisper, looking at myself in the mirror. This all feels like I’m living a bad dream.
*~*~*
Cash
“How much fucking longer are they going to keep her in there?” I roar; the rage inside of me is burning so brightly I could explode.
“Son, you need to calm down.”
“Calm down? Fuck that! Dad, she has been in jail for a week now!” I shout. It’s killing me having her away from me and the kids, and worse, knowing that she’s in jail, when she of all people should never even know what the inside of a jail cell looks like.
“Son, you going off half-cocked isn’t going to help anyone, and it especially will not help Lilly right now.”
“Dad, you and I both know that Lilly is not built to be in a place like that with real criminals,” I tell him, something he already knows. Yesterday when I went to see her, I could see it in her face that she was exhausted. I knew my dad was doing everything in his power to keep her away from the general population, but he could only do so much, and his friends could only do so much without making it look like favoritism, risking all of their jobs.
“Cash, I promise you I’m doing everything in my power to get her out of there.”
“I know.” I sit down in one of my parents’ lawn chairs. “Did they get the video from the check cashing place?” I ask him.
“It’s being reviewed now,” he tells me, sitting down across from me.
“When will they know something?” I ask, dropping my head forward. I hate this.
“I’m not sure, son,” my dad says quietly. I lift my head to look at him.
“I need her, Dad. I feel like I can’t breathe.” I scrub my hands over my face. “I feel like I’m dying inside.” I look at my wedding band, rubbing my thumb over the shiny piece of jewelry. “Her parents are going to be here today. I have to take the kids with me to go pick them up. Her mom and dad are going to have a lot of questions—questions I don’t have answers for.”
“I will come with you. The kids can stay with your mom. You and I will go to the airport and pick them up.”
“Thanks,” I say, not looking up at him. I have already failed Lilly as her husband. What kind of man lets his woman go to jail? I don’t deserve her. “I have never deserved her.”
“Hey, none of that feeling sorry for yourself bullshit,” my dad says, and I realize I must have spoken out loud.
“It’s the truth,” I tell him.
“You’re probably right. You probably don’t deserve her, but she’s yours, and I raised you to be a good man, a strong man, and a man worthy of a good woman’s love.” He stands and pats my shoulder. “You need to be strong for her and those two little ones.” I know he’s right, and I won’t let my kids be touched by what’s going on, but it doesn’t make it any easier to look at myself in the mirror. The worst part is that Jules is claiming me to be an unfit parent, and at this point, the judge is considering joint custody due to her claims about my wife—though Jules has been gracious enough to tell me that if I left Lil, she would be willing to let things be. I let her know where to shove that idea. There were no forces on this Earth strong enough to tear me away from Lilly. Just because I wasn’t good enough for her doesn’t mean I would ever give her up.
“I got it,” Nico says the second he steps through the sliding glass doors.
“Please tell me that it’s good,” I say and stand up.
“We need to talk,” he says.
“What the fuck are you talking about? I want to see what’s on the tape,” I say, sliding open the door he just came through.
“Wait, we need to talk for a second before I put this in,” Nico says, grabbing my elbow.
“What? You have a tape that proves that Lil is innocent and you want me to wait?”
“No, I want to make sure that you know that no matter what’s on this tape, we’ve got your back.”
“Jesus, you still don’t trust her,” I whisper in disgust. I haven’t even thought once that she may not be innocent. I know that she didn’t do what she is being accused of.
“Did I say that I didn’t believe her?” Nico asks, shaking his head. “Dude, I know she didn’t fucking do it. The thing I want you to prepare yourself for is what else is on this tape.”
“What does that mean?”
“You will see, but know that we’ve all got your back.” I lift my chin, wondering what the fuck is on the tape, feeling like I don’t even want to know at this point. We walk into my parents’ house where the kids and I have been staying since she got placed in jail. I don’t want to be home without her, and I know that with us staying at my parents’ they seem to have fewer questions about where she is. That doesn’t mean that when bedtime, bath time or any time that they normally spend with her during the day comes along they don’t cry for her or look around waiting for her. That’s the part that kills me. I hate seeing that lost look on my kids’ faces. It has been bad enough dealing with the look on Jax’s face over the past couple years when his mother doesn’t show up. But now it’s worse knowing that if Lil had it her way, she would be with them. This isn’t something that she is choosing to do. “You ready for this?”
“Put it in,” I tell him. He sets up the video and my dad comes into the room, taking a se
at in his old recliner. I sit on the couch and wait for the blank screen to light up.
“All right, now, the first part of the tape is all garbage, just normal people cashing their checks. Then around two, something interesting happens,” Nico says, and I watch the screen go black.
“What the fuck did you do to the tape?” I stand up.
“I didn’t do anything.” He shrugs like it’s all the same to him, and then stands as well. “So I’m guessing that you didn’t catch it, huh?”