On the drive, I go over in my head what I’m going to say, like I do the night before a closing argument. Jenny sits on the plaid blanket, cross-legged, while I stand, thinking better on my feet, both of us holding open cans of beer.
“You could’ve sprung for bottles,” Jenn says, squinting at the can in her hand.
“I was being nostalgic.”
She lifts her shoulder. “Nostalgia tastes better from a bottle.”
She turns her face, catching the sun, and I spot her freckles, scattered across the bridge of her nose, along her cheeks, so tiny and pale they can only be seen when the light is just right. And it feels like yesterday that I was counting them, here, after a long swim and an even longer screw, while she was asleep, covered in nothing but my shadow.
She raises her hand to take a sip and the small diamond twinkling on her left hand stomps on my memory like a big motherfucking elephant.
Splat.
“Did you forget to give him the ring back? After you told him you made a mistake?”
Her eyes tighten. “Is that how you want to do this, Stanton?”
I can almost see Sofia’s notes on her yellow pad, telling me to treat this like a case, and Jenny just any other witness. I need her talking—to know how this happened so I can tear it apart piece by piece.
“No, it’s not,” I relent with a sigh. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
A small smile comes to her lips. Just a little sad. “Because I knew you’d try to talk me out of it.”
Hit the bull’s-eye on that one, didn’t she?
Jenny licks the beer from her lips, and in a regretful voice says, “I should’ve told you. You deserved to hear it from me. My momma mailed out your invitation because she said I was draggin’ my feet—and I was.” Fair-lashed blue eyes move over my face before meeting my gaze. “I’m sorry, Stanton.”
I pick up a stone, bouncing it in my hand. “Apology accepted—as long as you don’t go through with it.”
She tilts her head, watching as I skip the rock. “I heard you brought someone home with you.”
I can visualize the chain of communication that sent that tidbit to Jenny’s ear in record time. Miss Bea telling Mrs. Macalister, who works at the pharmacy. Mrs. Macalister whispering to old Abigail Wilson when she drops off her heart medication, because Abigail’s half-blind and can’t drive anymore. Abigail Wilson phoning her cousin Pearl, who just happens to be best friends forever with none other than June Monroe. I wonder if June let Jenny walk in the door before telling her, or if she called her while she was driving home from work.
“She’s a friend.”
Jenny scoffs. “What kinda friend?”
“The kind who comes home with me when my girl says she’s marrying someone else.”
With the flick of my arm, another stone skips across the water. “I told you mine, you tell me yours. Who the hell is this guy?”
She plays with the sand, scooping it up then letting it fall between her fingers. “After high school, JD went to college in California. He moved back here last year, when his daddy was diagnosed with cancer. We ran into each other one day at the hospital and he remembered me. He visited every day, and when I was there we’d talk. Then talkin’ turned into coffee in the cafeteria, then dinner after my shift.” She pauses, thinking back, her voice going soft. “It was bad in the end. When his daddy passed, JD took it real hard. I was there for him. He . . . needed me. It felt nice to be needed. After he didn’t need me anymore, he still wanted me. And that . . . felt even nicer.”
“Did I cross your mind at all? While you were busy being wanted ?” I shoot out.
And she fires back, “Have I crossed your mind? While you’re busy fuckin’ your way across the capital?”
“It’s not like that.”
“Of course it’s like that—because you think time stands still when you’re not here. You’ve got me tucked away, raisin’ our daughter, just waitin’ on you to come back.”
“First of fuckin’ all, you’re not raisin’ our daughter alone, so don’t act like that’s the case. Second, this is the deal we made. Do what we want when we’re apart, but this”—I motion between us—“this was ours. No one else touches it—no one else comes close. If it wasn’t workin’ for you anymore, you should have told me!”
And she’s on her feet. “I’m telling you now! I’m twenty-eight years old, Stanton, and I still live with my parents.”
“Is that what this is about? Jenny, if you want a house, I’ll buy you a house.”
We’ve never had a formal child support order, because I send her money every month without one. Anything she needs beyond that—anything—all she has to do is ask.
“JD wants to make a home with me—a family, a marriage—all the things you never did.”
I clench my fists, the muscles in my forearms bulging. And I can’t decide if it’s better to kiss her or shake the shit out of her. “You and Presley are my family. And I would’ve married you ten years ago. I told you that, right here—in this goddamn spot!”
“Wanting and would have are two different things.”
“You told me to go! ” I yell, pointing at her. “You told me to leave! For us—our future, our family.”
And then there are tears. Rising in her eyes, glistening on her lashes, making them shine like sunlight on the water. “If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it’s yours.” She s
hakes her head. “You never came back.”
“Bullshit! I came back every chance I could—”
“Not after Columbia. You changed, then. You started to like it—the work, the women, the city . . .”
“I was killing myself, Jenny! It was law school, for Christ’s sake—work, classes, internships, you have no fuckin’ idea.”
The yellow pad flashes in my head like a neon sign. Fighting isn’t fixing. Talk to her, not at her.
I take a few breaths, calming down. Then I step toward Jenny, catching her eyes.
And I see her—my sweet girl, my best friend. The love of my life. “My head was there, it had to be, but my heart has always been here with you. It never left.”
She sniffs, but still the tears don’t fall. “Didn’t you ever wonder why it was so easy?”
“Lovin’ someone’s supposed to be easy.”
“I don’t mean bein’ together. I mean bein’ apart.” She turns her back on me, staring at the water, watching it run, lapping at the shore. “All that time, all these years . . . bein’ apart was easier than it should’ve been.” She crosses her arms, and a smile seeps into her voice. “After JD gets off work, he comes to the house and he runs up the path—because he can’t wait a second longer to see me. He burns for me. Can’t bear the thought of bein’ away, leavin’ me, for even a day. Have you ever felt that way, Stanton?”
There’s a terrible, malevolent voice in the back of my mind whispering that I have felt that way—once. But it wasn’t for her.
I block it out and step around so Jenny’s facing me. “I love you.”
“You love a seventeen-year-old girl who doesn’t exist anymore.”
“That’s not true. She’s right in front of me.”
Jenny tilts her head and gives the littlest of smiles. “I’m not nearly as fun as I used to be.”
I step forward and take her face in my hands, stroking her skin. “I look at you and I see a thousand summer days. The best moments of my life.”
Emotion chokes me, making it hard to speak. Feelings for this woman crush me, making it hard to breathe. “I have loved you since I was twelve years old, and I will love you until the day I die.”
Her face crumbles and the tears fall. She presses my hand to her face, soaking it with her cries, then she kisses my palm. “And I love you, Stanton—I do. What I feel for you, who you are, is so precious to me. I don’t want to lose you.”
And I think I’ve done it. I’ve convinced her—won her over. Jenny belongs to me and all is right with the world. Have to admit, it was easier than I’d anticipated. I knew I was good—but I didn’t realize I was that good.
Until she puts my hand down, wipes her cheeks, and looks me in the eyes. “But I’m in love with JD.”
Fuck.
I shake my head. “You’re just lonely. I was gone too long.”
“No,” she insists. “I’m in love with him. It happened fast, but it’s strong and it’s real. You need to accept that.”
My next words are past my lips before I have time to think them. “I’ll come home. I’ll quit the firm, Jenn. Set up an office in town. I’ll come back.”
Her lips part, her voice breathy with surprise at hearing the words she never expected. “There’s not much of a need for a defense attorney in Sunshine.”
“I can practice other types of law.”
Her eyes narrow. “You would hate that.”
I cup her jaw. “I’ll do it—for you and Presley. If that’s what you need, I