“So, if you’re both happy to proceed, we can take some blood from you today,” Doctor Perry said looking at me. He turned to Caleb. “And I’ll get a cheek swab from you. Then we’ll get it sent off this afternoon.”
Caleb and I both nodded.
Within minutes a nurse appeared to take my blood and a swab from Caleb. I watched on, stony-faced as she drew blood from my arm and it was then I realized with absolute clarity that this was going to be a complete waste of time.
This was Charlie’s baby. And we all knew it.
I felt like crying.
I’d put Caleb through all of this for nothing.
When the nurse took a swab from Caleb’s cheek, our eyes met over her shoulder and I could see the hardness in them. I looked away, knowing this was the beginning of the end for us.
During the car ride home, I wrestled with my emotions.
While listening to him try to console me and tell me it didn’t matter either way if this was his baby or Charlie’s, I knew there was only one way to handle the situation.
Three weeks was a long time.
Finally, while making dinner, I made peace with my decision.
And when I woke up the next morning, I told him I needed some space.
HONEY
“Don’t do this,” he said, his face stiff.
But I’d made up my mind, and no amount of talking was going to change it. This bullshit stopped now. I wasn’t going to put him through a minute more of this craziness. Let alone another three weeks. We needed to put some space between us.
“There is no other way.”
“You’re breaking up with me because you’re scared.”
“I’m not breaking up with you. I’m just asking for some space.”
He ran a frustrated hand threw his hair. “That’s breaking up with me, and you know it.”
“Even if I was, I’m pregnant with Charlie’s baby, and one day you are going to be pleased I let you off the hook.”
“I’ve never looked at our situation like that.” He came toward me and gently placed his hands on my arms. “I want to be with you.”
My heart ached.
I want to be with you, too.
But I was done being selfish.
“You were only with me because of the baby.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because it’s true. All of this is because you thought I was having your baby. How long before the resentment unfurls and you can’t stand the sight of me?”
He turned away.
“Please,” I begged. “I need you to go.”
He turned back to me, and with a terrible achy heart, I realized he had tears in his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling so they wouldn’t fall. I’d never seen him cry. Never seen that amount of emotion or raw pain in his eyes. And it was with a heartbreaking realization that it was all because of me.
“I don’t want this,” he said, his broad chest expanding with the deep breath he took. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“It has to be this way, Caleb. Because I’ve seen what this does. It breeds resentment and breaks people apart.” It hurt to look at him because he looked so wounded. “I care about you too much to let that happen to you.”
“It won’t—”
“I need you to go!” I exclaimed. And the emotion behind my words stopped him. He stared at me. Angry. He dragged his teeth across his bottom lip. I took a breath to calm my wildly beating heart. “Please . . . I just need some space to catch a breath.”
When he stepped forward his face was set, his jaw hard, his eyes dark. “Fine. I’ll give you your space. I’ll give you what you want. But only because you’re pregnant and I’m not about to make this hurt anymore than what you’ve already went through. I’ll go but it’s not because I want to. It’s because you’re telling me it’s what you want because you’re afraid I can’t love another man’s child.”
He picked up his cut and threw it on.
“But you’re wrong, Honey.” His voice was cold. His anger sharp and hard on his face. “So very fucking wrong.”
With a slam of the door he was gone, and my heart broke in my chest. I didn’t move. Not a muscle. I stood dazed and confused, listening to the rumble of his Harley as he fired it up, and then the roar of it as it took him away from me and disappeared into the afternoon.
I sat on the bed, my world suddenly empty. I burst into tears and cried hard, the heartache spilling out of me with every sob. I was in love with him. But this being Charlie’s baby changed everything.
Finally, my body stilled and I slowly relaxed until sleep pulled me into a hazy and unexpected slumber where I dreamed about a baby with bright blue eyes and a head of dark hair. Then my mom was there holding the baby, and its eyes turned dark brown and his sweet features morphed into Charlie. My mom started to laugh. See, Honey. Doesn’t Charlie’s daughter look just like him?