We walk behind him and I go to the swing while she sits on a bench. I start out slow, scared to death he’s going to fall, but he’s fearless. After about five minutes of me pushing too low, he jumps off and runs to the slides.
There’s not really anything I can do at the slide, so I sit by Ari and watch him playing with the other kids. He squeals in delight every time he gets to the bottom of the slide and we cheer him on.
The feelings swirling through my body are foreign. There’s happiness but also sadness. Tears threaten so I look in a different direction to try and calm down.
“It’s amazing huh?”
“You have no idea.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes until Davis runs over, hopping in a circle.
“Hold on, baby. Let’s get you to the bathroom.” Ari gets up but it’s my turn to stop her.
“Let me take him.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Babe, I’m pretty sure I can handle him going to the bathroom. I may not know about children, but that’s one thing I have down pat.”
She sits back down and points to the public restrooms. Davis puts his hand in mine and we walk away with him squirming. Then I think to myself. What the hell do I do if he pees all over himself?
The whole experience was comical. Everything went well until he twisted and peed on the wall of the stall and then screamed in excitement. I tried to wipe it down and then realized why moms carry hand sanitizer everywhere they go.
Ari is waiting for us on the bench with an amused expression. I tell her what happened and she goes to her car and gets me a wipe.
Davis asks me to play tag with another little boy, and I chase them for as long as they stay interested. The two leave me after a while and hit every piece of equipment in the park. The other child’s mother is talking to Ari when I get back to the bench. She’s a pretty woman and obviously very pregnant. She thanks me for playing with them and then goes to the other bench.
“Oh, I feel her pain, she’s due in a month and has a very energetic child.”
“What do you mean?” I ask stupidly.
“Well, for starters, it’s almost June and she’s carrying an extra twenty pounds. She has a little boy, which means constant energy and mayhem. She’s tired, swollen, sleep deprived, and probably emotional.”
“Wow, how did you handle it?” I’m genuinely interested and in this moment, I hate every fucking person and myself who had a hand in breaking us up. I never got to experience Ari’s pregnancy.
“I had support. I also didn’t have another kid running around needing everything from me. I only had to take care of myself.”
“What about after he was born?”
“I’d already made the decision to take the fall semester off, so I didn’t stress about having to go back to school so soon. He was a really good baby. I breastfed and had him on a schedule at seven weeks. Luke and Sophie were godsends. Katy had a stroke before he was born so both of our mobility was limited for a while. We had other friends bringing by food and helping, but my best friends took turns helping with the major errands. Once I could drive again, it was better. I didn’t have to go to work until he was almost fifteen weeks. I worked weekends at the resort in town and had weekdays home.”
Watching my son, I digest Ari’s words. She was always hard working, but she just confirmed her strength. Her fingers close around my wrist and I feel the familiar sensation run though my body. She could always turn me on with just her touch. Nothing’s changed.
I think of sweaty linemen, nasty locker rooms, running statistics, anything to help the swelling in my pants. Damn, Reed! You’re at a playground, control yourself.
“You okay?” Her voice brings me back to where I am.
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about something. Can we talk back at your place after ice cream? Maybe when you put Davis down for a nap?
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Please, Ari? It’s important.”
“Sure, but I have some friends coming over tonight. There’s a chance they may show up.”
Nodding my head, but in my gut, I hope I can at least tell her my plan before having to face the firing squad. When we broke up, I covered my pain and ache with booze and women. She didn’t and no doubt, her friends have hatred for me.
Ice cream with Davis is more of an event. I’m glad Ari brought a change of clothes because he is wearing more of the chocolate than he ate. When we drive up to her house, she puts her finger over her mouth to mimic ‘shhh’.