My god, had I ever stumbled through so many words in a panic in my life? I felt like a teenage boy, trying to convince a girl I liked to go on a date with me. Awkward, embarrassed, and a little terrified.
She sat upright in her booth, her back not touching the cushion behind her, as she studied me. I did my best to remain still and let her see the sincerity in my offer. Hoping she’d see I wasn’t being a complete creeper. I also prepared myself for her to possibly smack me and tell me to never contact her again.
I held my breath. One. Two. Three. Four. Fi—
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay,” she said with a nod.
“Um, okay, then. Good. Great. Fantastic.”
Shut the fuck up, Daniel.
I nodded and ran my hand through my hair, doing my best to relax.
“How far would we go? How much would we touch?”
I held her stare, hiding any nerves rattling around. She needed my confidence. “However far you want to go. We can start little and proceed as your comfort grows.”
She looked down at her hands wringing together, chewing on her cheek. Each second that passed, my nerves piled back up.
“Wouldn’t that be hard for you?” I opened my mouth to reaffirm I had complete control of my body, but she was already shaking her head. “Not just for you, but for us. Being intimate with someone could lead to…more. Like feelings, and I don’t—I’m not ready for that.”
Sliding my hands over hers, I stopped their fidgeting and waited for her to look up. “Hanna, I don’t do love, so we don’t have to worry about either of us falling into that trap. I like you. I like your friendship and talking to you. So, that’s all this is—a friend helping a friend.”
She looked over my face, searching for any hidden meaning until finally, one side of her mouth tipped, and her shoulders relaxed.
“Friends, eh? Like besties? Can I paint your nails?”
“Dear God,” I groaned.
We both laughed, but sobered quickly, knowing there was still so much to discuss.
“How about this?” I started. “We place a no kissing rule. Kissing can make things feel more intimate; having that boundary will help us stay in line.
“That sounds good. Smart.” She chewed her lip again. “But everything else?”
“Is fair game.” I waited a moment before I continued. “So, how do you want to go about this? Maybe make a list of things you want to try. We can discuss boundaries and any issues you may be worried about.”
“What do you think?” she asked around chewing on her thumbnail.
“I think it should be as natural as possible, so it can feel like a normal situation.”
She nodded slowly. “Okay. What if I gave you control and speak up if it’s too much?”
My heart stuttered over the word control. I loved control in the bedroom, preferred it, but I wasn’t sure Hanna knew what she was saying.
“I’m not always a gentle man, Hanna.” Her eyes jerked up at that comment, and I smiled softly to ease the anxiety building there. “But I can be gentler for you. You need to have confidence in the comfort you feel with me and know that if at any point you ever want to stop, all you have to do is say it. I can take the lead and follow your cues to keep the situations flowing easily.”
“Okay,” she breathed. “I’d like that. As much as I don’t want to be out of control, I don’t want to have to worry about what to do next and if I’m doing it right or wrong. I—I want you to teach me.”
“I can do that.”
I hope.
“Just one more question, if you don’t mind me asking…” I hedged. “How much experience did you have before? Any boyfriends?”
Pink tinged her cheeks, but she swallowed her nerves and lifted her chin. Always so brave. “I had a couple of boyfriends before everything. But we didn’t do much beyond touching.”
Jesus, she was more innocent than I’d imagined. She’d been seventeen when she was taken. Plenty of time to do everything under the sun. God knows I had.
“Does that bother you?”
“No, not at all.”
“So…we’re good. We’re going to do this?”
“Looks like it.”
She stuck her hand out across the table, her lips stretching into a small smile. “To a friend helping a friend.”
I slid my hand in hers, loving her silky soft skin. “To friends helping friends.”
She smiled wider, and for a moment, I got lost in her full lips, stretched over perfectly straight teeth, and ignored the way something whispered inside me that this was more than a friend helping a friend.
11
Daniel
The glass almost slipped from my hand because of my sweaty palms. Looking around the crowd, I sipped my bourbon, looking for Hanna. I decided to let her come to me this time. Maybe because I wanted her to go the extra step tonight. I wanted her to make it through those doors on her own. I wanted her to overthink it all to make sure tonight was what she truly wanted.