He grunts. “You are offended by the dirt of a slaver’s grave?” He goes to move past me.
The words sound so accusing when he says it that way. “No. But you’re dirty and we need to talk, and we seem to talk best in the shower. So I thought I would wash you and we could hash things out.”
Nassakth pauses, dripping dirt on the clean floors. “Are you afraid of me?”
“No,” I admit honestly. “I’m not. Nor am I angry that you killed those men. Now that I’ve had time to get my head straight, I’m not mad about that. The only thing I’m mad about is that you never told me any of this.”
“I told you. I still think like a slave who must protect his secrets.”
“I understand that.” I put a hand to the small of his back and steer him toward the showers in the bathroom. “I didn’t say that they didn’t deserve killing. I’m mad that you’ve been telling me to trust you, to put my trust in you, and you didn’t do the same for me. Marriage is a two-way street, Nassakth. If we’re going to be in this together, we have to be on the same page. Right now we’re not even in the same book.”
He lets me steer him, and when I glance down, his tail has a bit of a lively flick to it again. The long, luxurious fur is crusted with dirt and mud—and leftover soap—but at least it’s got a spark to it again. “What would you have me do, then? If I confessed all my secrets the moment we met, you would have run from me. You would have been terrified.”
“This is true,” I admit as we cut through the bedroom and move into the still-steamy bathroom. We sure are spending a lot of time here lately. I guess it’s become “our” place in the house. “But there have been other opportunities. There are ways to bring these things up. Especially after what we’ve shared lately.” I blush, thinking about last night and how I ground certain unmentionable parts of myself against his mouth and talented tongue. Lots and lots of grinding. So much grinding.
I turn the shower on and then strip my tunic off.
Nassakth remains in the doorway, his brows furrowed. “What are you doing?”
“Getting undressed?”
“I thought…” He pauses. “I do not know what I thought. Am I not the dirty one?”
“You’re very dirty, actually.” I blush at how “dirty” that sounds, too. “But I’m going to wash you.”
“You are?” His voice drops a husky note, and I can hear the purr starting in his chest.
“I am. Because we need to figure out where we’re at in this relationship, and apparently we both think best when our hands are on each other.”
Nassakth rumbles, and it almost sounds like laughter. “Or we just think of excuses to get our hands on one another.”
I feel my cheeks heat. It’s not that. It’s absolutely not…is it?
Well shit. Now that I think about it, maybe it is. “Just get in the damn shower,” I grumble.
52
NASSAKTH
It has been the longest of days, and it is not yet noon.
I look at Kim, my mate, my everything, and I am tired. Very tired. It is not just because of the noli-storm we weathered last night. It is knowing that I have come very close to losing her. I might still lose her. She is talking to me now, her hands gentle as she guides me into the shower, but I am utterly aware that we are fragile in this moment.
One wrong move and she will scurry away from me forever.
It makes me hold my tongue. I am wary of saying the wrong thing, so perhaps I should say nothing at all. She is right to be angry at me. I have withheld big secrets because I knew she would not like them. For her to find out from Bethiah instead of me has wounded her. It is only because of her kind and loving spirit that she is with me right now.
I watch her as she soaps up a washcloth, her movements brisk and determined. Even though she was freshly bathed and dressed, she has removed her clothes and joined me in the shower. When she reaches out to scrub my chest, I hold still for her ministrations.
“I know I said some strongly worded things, Nassakth. It was a little shocking to hear everything you were telling me. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” The soapy cloth moves over my chest and across my arms, and her movements are brisk, not sexual. She washes me with fierce determination, as if concentrating on cleaning me somehow gives her strength. “It’s just…here’s the thing. You’ve been pushing me to trust you, and then I find out that there was a body buried in the backyard. Put yourself in my position. It doesn’t matter how awful a person he was. That’s just not something you move on from right away.”