I think about him watching the human porn to try and learn how to kiss. Maybe we should watch some together so I can point out what is good and what is fake.
Maybe I should watch some praxiian porn.
The thoughts make me blush. I can’t believe I’ve gone from “platonic marriage” to wanting to watch porn with him this quickly. He’s just so…sweet. And caring. And I’m so hungry for affection and another person to rely on that I’m forgetting all the vows I made when I got my freedom. I swore to myself I’d never have sex with another alien. I swore that I’d be independent forever. But after several months of loneliness (and a lot of romantic story writing) I’m realizing that’s not me. I want to love someone and be loved. I want a family. I want happiness…and that happiness isn’t a life alone on a remote farm at the edge of the universe.
Contentment, yes. Safety, yes. But not really happiness.
“Kim?” Nassakth’s voice is sleepy, almost grumpy.
I take the food off the hot plate and turn to him. Oh my god, he really is adorable in the morning. His mane is all wild tufts sticking in every which direction, and he scratches his bare chest with a sleepy expression as he pads forward. His tail is a floofy mess as it flicks back and forth.
“Good morning,” I say brightly. “Sit down and I’ll make you a plate.”
“You…made food? But you are my guest.” He frowns a little at that.
“No, I’m your mate. And you’ve made food for the last two days, the least I can do is make breakfast. This is my home too, right?”
“You are right.” He sits down and as he does, I put a heaping plate in front of him. I can’t help but notice that he’s got morning wood—that’s not different from a human man, for sure. Nassakth glances up at me with a sleepy smile, and he looks so cute that I lean in and kiss him impulsively.
He goes still, but when I pull back, there’s a hungry longing in his eyes.
“I know I’m sending a lot of mixed signals,” I tell him. “But…I liked the kissing. And maybe we can work up to more over time, if you’re willing to be patient.”
“You know I will do anything for you.”
I’m starting to think that. I lean in and kiss him again, just a graze of lips, and he begins to purr. I caress his cheek, smiling at him. “Eat your breakfast. I want to go to my farm today.”
“We will,” he promises. “I will do my morning exercise routine and then we will go out. Then tonight, we will start your weapon lessons.”
I nod, and I have no idea if I’m excited or scared to begin them. “You’ll go easy on me?”
He snorts. “No.”
What?! I gape. “You won’t?”
“I will not. You will learn how to defend yourself. Going easy on you helps no one.” He pokes one of his chopstick-like utensils at me. “Now eat, because you will need your energy for today.”
“Great. I can’t wait,” I say dryly.
“You should be excited. Not everyone gets lessons with the famous Nassakth.”
“You have quite the ego, you know.”
He just grins at me. “Oh, I know.”
And I laugh, because how can I resist that? I pull my chair next to his and set my plate down, and we eat breakfast together and talk about nothing in particular. It feels easy. Nice. Comfortable. It’s like last night’s awkwardness didn’t happen…except I catch him watching me with a hungry expression on his face and I know we’re both still thinking about it.
While he works out, I pull up my computer. I’ve been stuck at the beginning of a love scene for days now, but my mind is filled with all kinds of torrid embraces for my characters to work through, and my fingers fly over the alien keyboard.
I’m inspired.
32
KIM
By the time I post the chapter, Nassakth is out of the shower and ready to head out to my homestead. He clips a breather device on his nose to filter out any noli pollen, and I have to admit, it seems like a good idea even if it disappoints me. Then I feel like a jerk for being disappointed, because I’m the one that keeps dragging my feet, aren’t I?
I know what I want—I just don’t know if I have the courage to reach for it.
We take Nassakth’s air-sled out to the farm, and I can’t help but notice his is much nicer than mine. Nothing sputters or grinds as it fires up, and when we land, it’s so, so smooth. I watch Nassakth out of the corner of my eye, and it occurs to me how lucky I am that Bethiah “kidnapped” him instead of someone else. Not only does he have money to ease the way here, but he’s incredibly kind and patient with me. I thought all aliens would treat me like garbage just because I’m human, but he’s been sweet and understanding and utterly wonderful. Truly, I am very lucky.