Last night put their night at the wedding to shame. It was no longer lust and forbidden fruit—delectable and worth having, but not on a par with what had happened when he’d dared to bare his soul. The things they’d done to each other in that bed, the pleasure they’d given and taken, was unrivaled. He’d planned to hold on to it forever. Now he couldn’t wait to be rid of it, although he couldn’t imagine how he was ever supposed to go about doing that. Lily was seared in his memory. No woman would ever make him feel like that again.
He dropped down to a crouch, buried his head in his hands, then screamed right into his palms. The air tore from his lungs, but he felt no better after he’d done it. If anything, he only craved the release that much more. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep in that bed tonight. He couldn’t sleep in the guest room either. It undoubtedly smelled exactly like Lily. Maybe he should move out of the Grand Legacy. Hell, he’d have no choice if his dad got his hands on the hotel. Maybe he should change his entire existence. Grow a beard and buy a cabin in Maine and spend his days chopping wood for the winter and learning to fish. He would look terrible with a beard. Good. It would keep women away.
Noah straightened and opened his eyes. That was when things got even worse. There on the nightstand was Lily’s engagement ring, resting on top of a note. It felt as if his heart was being ripped from his chest for the third or fourth time since that morning. There’d be nothing left of him when this was over. Forget the beard and the cabin. He’d disappear.
He perched on the edge of the bed, picked up the ring and held it in the palm of his hand. He’d known that day at Tiffany that what they were doing was wrong, but he’d wanted to do it anyway. Even when he feared it would mess with her head and his. He would’ve done anything to be close to her. What a sap he’d been.
He flipped open the paper and Lily’s sweet voice filled his ears.
Dear Noah,
Despite the deal we made, I can’t keep the ring. It’s too painful to keep. Without you, it means nothing.
For that same reason, I can’t keep my 3 percent of the company. Even though I worked my ass off for that share, I don’t want it if Sawyer doesn’t trust me. I don’t need it if there’s even a chance that you doubt me. It will just be a reminder of everything we had and the way it all went away.
For the record, what we had never felt fake to me. Even when I was keeping my distance. I was only protecting my heart. You were the guy in the ivory tower and I was the girl standing on the ground, peering up at you, desperately hoping you’d take a minute to look at me. And notice. That part had always been important to me. I always wanted you to notice. Even if it was only for a few minutes or days. I guess I got my wish. It’s just that nobody tells you that when you get your wish, you might not get to keep it. That’s a life lesson I’m still not comfortable with. I wish it wasn’t true.
I hope you know with every bone in your body that I would never, ever betray you. After today, it’s pretty clear to me that Sawyer doesn’t know that. I guess I’d allowed myself to believe that I was part of the inner circle, but I never truly was. That’s okay. I understand how strong your bond is with your brother. He’s your rock. I had hoped to be that person in your life, but some things just aren’t meant to be.
Lastly, I want you to know that I harbor no ill will. It’s just not part of who I am. I will never understand vengeance or an anger that never dies. I can only understand loyalty, friendship, love and good intentions. Those are the only things that make any sense to me. I hope you saw that in me, for however long it lasted.
Love,
Lily.
Noah ran his fingers over her name, while visions of her wouldn’t stop playing in his head. How was it that the one time he actually had his act together with a woman, it all had to blow up in his face? It didn’t seem fair, but it did seem like confirmation from the universe that Noah and love were not meant to be. Yes, he’d fallen in love with Lily, but she and her apparent actions were now standing between him and the only other thing he could count on in life—Sawyer.
* * *
Sleep had not come easily that night, especially since Noah had opted for the couch. He tossed and turned, mulling over everything that had happened in the office yesterday. None of it added up. The supposed evidence was too obvious, too easy. Almost like it was being spoon-fed to them by a person with ulterior motives—their father.
But who else had access to Lily’s computer? Nobody other than Noah and Sawyer.
He turned off his alarm before it sounded, got in the shower and then headed to the office. The sun was still coming up when he arrived. He went straight to his old planners, stored in the bottom drawer of a filing cabinet. The one from two years ago prompted a strange feeling when he saw it. The cover was burgundy leather, not his normal black. That year, his favorite color had sold out early and he’d been stuck with one he wasn’t crazy about. But that wasn’t the thing that struck him about it. It was that he had such vivid memories of closing it at the end of every work day that year—the year he started to fall for Lily.