“Lexi, it’s so good to see you,” he all but whispered into the silence between them.
“It’s good to see you, too,” she answered honestly.
“I’m really glad you called and wanted to talk.”
Now that she was here, staring at his beautiful face, Lexi didn’t know what to say. Do what you want. That was basically what Chyna had told her. You already know what you want. You just have to make that decision for yourself.
Lexi sighed and closed her eyes. Why couldn’t it really be that easy?
“I know you wanted to talk, but can I go first?” Ramsey asked. “I’ve been holding on to this for five days, and I want to get it all out.”
She nodded. She didn’t even know where to begin. So, maybe this was better.
“Those papers don’t mean anything to me. That was a lifetime ago…”
Lexi sighed and shook her head. She knew she was going to have to sit down for this.
“I’m serious,” he continued. “I was just shocked when she showed up with them. I was so sure it was an abortion that I had forced myself to believe it all these years. It was kind of like losing a part of myself. I don’t know how else to explain it. But even if I was wrong about Parker, it doesn’t change what happened between us. Parker and I broke up, and we haven’t been together in a very long time. I’ll admit that the day you walked in to my office, I had all of these what-ifs swirling around in my head, but that’s all they ever will be—what-ifs. Parker…” Ramsey paused as if trying to wrap his mind around the name and the emotions. “She isn’t you.”
“Yes, well, that’s very clear,” Lexi said softly.
“Very clear. You asked me to explain her to you, to tell you why she matters. Well, the answer is because she’s always mattered to me. First, as a big brother joking around with his sister’s friends. Then, as a girlfriend. Then, for all the reasons that we couldn’t work. Then, as a coworker. The reason you care for people can change. Just like my feelings for Parker have changed.”
Lexi knew exactly what he was talking about because she had that with Jack. And it might change, but it always came back to that one aching desire she had in the pit of her stomach. And if what Ramsey and Parker were going through was anything like her experience with Jack, then no matter how much it changed, no matter how much distance was put between Parker and Ramsey…it still plagued them.
“But my feelings for you have never changed like that. They’ve only grown and grown, and they continue to grow every day, every minute, every second I’m with you. And I knew on that first date that you were different, that things with you would be different. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to make it all better. I wanted to rid you of the hollow expression and depression that seemed to hang off of you.”
“And you did,” she whispered softly. “You pulled me out of the pain that I’d been in for years.”
“Good.” His green eyes were wide.
She could tell he had been running this all through his head for days on end. He wasn’t rambling or incoherent, like her Ramsey always was. He had thought this through. He wanted to make this right.
“You did the same for me.”
“I know,” she said.
“And when you walked out that door, when I didn’t hear from you, I felt…I don’t even know how to explain it. I felt like it didn’t matter what I did anymore because the only thing I wanted in the whole world, I’d let walk out on me…again.”
Lexi’s heart stopped. How could she not love a man like this? He said and did all the right things. He loved her unconditionally despite all her faults and all her baggage. He picked her up out of the pain and placed her back into working order. He had been exactly what she needed.
“Please, Lexi, my Alexa, let me make it right,” Ramsey whispered, bridging the distance between them and staring down into her wide brown eyes.
She could tell that he wanted her to make the next move, to make it all right.
“When I went to see Chyna before the wedding, she told me that I should decide what I want. That I’ve always looked to make everyone else happy. That I’ve never considered my own happiness. Chyna has a certain way with words…that I think I lack.”
Ramsey swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with his uncertainty about where this was going.
“She’s like a dose of reality through my overanalytical mind.”
“That’s a good way to put it,” Ramsey said tentatively.
“I think, in some ways, she’s right. I think of other people’s happiness because it coincides with what I want. I wanted Jack for years, so I didn’t think about what he did to me during that time or how it would affect me. And I went back to you after you’d hurt me without even thinking it through. I feel like I was kind of always doing what others expected me to do. I don’t regret any of my decisions. They have shaped who I am. They made me happy at the time, but thinking about it makes me realize that I was always running in circles.”
“Lexi,” Ramsey interrupted, “I really don’t mind if we have to postpone the wedding. I—”
Lexi held up her hand to silence him. She needed to finish. She couldn’t think through his words. “I think you’re right. Your feelings for people do change with time. You might need someone for one reason, and then when that reason is obsolete, you might not need that person anymore. People come in and out of your life all the time. They shape and mold you like clay, and then the water washes away the edges.”
She could feel tears prick her eyes as she finally got out what she was trying to say—as she finally realized what Chyna was telling her.
“You came into my life. You pulled me away from my pain. You molded me into a better person,” she said, taking a step back and swallowing hard. “But I think that was what I needed then…not now.”
“Lexi,” Ramsey choked out.
She had always thought that her temptation was this heart-stopping, unbelievable emotion where she was unable to think or breathe or do anything because of how it made her feel and what it made her want to do. That temptation was something she had always given in to. At least, that was how it had been for a very long time—before Ramsey, before she had realized how important it was not to give in to that, not to let it affect her like that.