“It just seems like you didn’t want to do it before, and now you do because of what just happened.”
“I’m telling you that I’m making up my mind about what I want. This is my decision. The pressure at work is too much. I don’t feel in control.”
“Are you ever going to be in control?” Ramsey asked, running his hand back through his hair. “You keep talking about control like you’ll ever have a grasp on it. If we ever had control over our relationships, then I wouldn’t have just found out about Parker’s miscarriage. That,” he said, pointing out the door that Parker had just left through, “that is what it’s like to be out of control. You just use it as an excuse.”
“An excuse? Seriously?” she growled. “It’s okay for you and Parker to be out of control but not for me? I get it. This was a mistake. I guess I shouldn’t have even brought this up to you.”
She whirled around and out the door. Rushing into their bedroom, she grabbed a change of clothes and an extra suit and stuffed them into a bag.
Ramsey appeared in the doorway a minute later. “What are you doing?”
“I’m taking control,” she spat.
“Lexi, wait, wait, wait…you can’t leave,” he pleaded, grabbing for her bag.
“I’m sorry—what? I can’t leave?” She held the bag to her chest and away from him.
She turned to walk to the bathroom, but he blocked her path.
“I don’t want you to leave. That’s not taking control. That’s leaving.”
Lexi pushed him aside and walked into the bathroom. She dumped her makeup bag, a bottle of mousse, and her toothbrush into the bag. “That’s right. That’s leaving. I’m taking back the control in this situation. I flushed it down the drain two years ago when I let you make me think that Parker wouldn’t be an issue and that you would trust me.”
“I do trust you,” he pleaded, his voice rising hysterically.
“And Parker?” she asked, arching an eyebrow.
“Lexi, please…”
“You’ll never let it go. If you would just let it go,” she said.
“I’ll let it go. Just don’t leave.”
He grabbed her around the middle and tried to get her to stay, to kiss him, to hold him, but she couldn’t. How could she stand there for another second, feeling this way? She was aching all over. Her body felt like it had been pounded into the ground from being overworked, and then when she had come home to see her fiancé, he was emotionally distraught over another woman. No, she couldn’t be in this house for another minute.
“Lexi,” he called, following her out the bedroom door and down the stairs, “please just stop and think about this for a minute.”
“I’ll think about it when I’m gone.”
“Are you leaving me?” he asked, snatching her wrist and forcing her to look at him.
“I’m leaving the house. I can’t stay here—not with the way I’m feeling right now.”
“Lexi, I love you.”
She sighed, her resolve breaking. This wasn’t what she wanted. This was the man she had spent more than three years loving, the man she had agreed to be with. He was perfect, absolutely perfect—except when he wasn’t, except when she saw his flaws, the flaws he never let the rest of the world see. She knew him inside and out. She knew all of his quirks. He was hurting right now, and he wanted her to make it right. She didn’t want to argue with him, but she was stubborn.
He didn’t get to pick and choose when he was going to be the man that the rest of the world saw. Relationships were work. They were really hard work, and she had put her fair share into this one. She wanted it to work so desperately. But how could it with everything else hanging over him right now? These were the things she needed to figure out, and she wouldn’t do that while she was still around him.
“I love you, too,” she said before standing on her tiptoes and kissing his lips tenderly. “I do. I really do.”
Tears hit her as he held her in his arms, silently pleading for her not to do this.
“But…I have to go,” she said, pulling away from him and walking out the front door.
Chapter 20
Lexi sat in her car, her hands shaking. What the hell had she just done?
She had walked out on Ramsey. She had left their apartment with a change of clothes and her toothbrush. Did that mean they were over? She looked down at her diamond engagement ring, and the tears came harder.
No. They hadn’t broken up or broken off the engagement, but she had actually just walked out of their place.
She didn’t know what to do. She could barely breathe.
Through her tears, Lexi backed out of the garage and started driving aimlessly. She didn’t even know where she was going to go. She wanted to talk to Chyna, but her friend was thousands of miles away on a private island for her honeymoon. She wouldn’t be back until next week.
How did it keep happening that Chyna was out of the country when she and Ramsey were having problems? Chyna needed to stop leaving!
Not that Chyna would be able to do much more than talk her off of the ledge. She would have been in New York when Lexi needed her in Atlanta. Granted, her best friend had access to a private jet and could have been in Atlanta in a few hours, but Lexi needed her now. In any case, it didn’t matter because Chyna wasn’t even close to a couple of hours away.
Pulling off the road and into a parking lot in frustration, Lexi let the tears fall until her fingers and toes tingled from hyperventilation. Her cheeks were hot and wet, no matter how many times she tried to dry them. She wanted the pain in her chest to go away. She wanted to feel human again.
Wasn’t this supposed to be the happiest time of her life? She kept repeating that to herself, but it didn’t matter if she said the mantra a million times. She had to admit that she wasn’t happy. She was sitting on the side of the road in an abandoned parking lot, crying her eyes out. If that didn’t show how low she had sunk all over again, then nothing did.
Her phone buzzed at her side, and she glanced down. Ramsey.
Please come back.
No, she couldn’t. She couldn’t do that. She wasn’t ready.
Exiting the screen, she found another number and dialed, knowing it was the only place she could go.
“Lex, I didn’t think I’d hear from you again today,” Jack said pleasantly into the phone.