“I was worried when I saw you run out of the house.”
“Thanks for coming after me. I don’t know where I’d be…” she said, shuffling her feet.
“And you’ll never have to know because I’d do it every time.”
Lexi smiled shyly off into the distance. She couldn’t meet his eyes. She was grateful to have him in her life in that moment. She wished it had always been this way…that things had been different. But they weren’t, and she just wanted to appreciate it now.
“Thank you,” Lexi said.
Jack nodded and then guided her back off the pier. They walked through the sand, back to the beach house, together in silence aside from the waves crashing against the surf and seagulls in the distance. It was peaceful and helped to calm the nerves flitting around in her stomach from the prospect of having to talk to Ramsey when she got back.
When the beach house was in sight, Lexi felt her feet dragging, but Jack held her to his pace. It was almost completely dark, and if they slowed any further, they would have to walk the last leg at night.
“You’ll be fine,” Jack encouraged her. “This is not the worst confrontation you’ve gone through. Imagine what it felt like when Clark cornered you in your apartment.”
Lexi’s anxiety spiked. “Why would you bring that up?”
“Because there’s no way it’s going to be that bad. You haven’t done anything. It’s your call about Ramsey. If he really makes you happy, I’m sure it will be an easy decision,” Jack said.
She could see that the porch light was on as they drew nearer. Then, Ramsey’s frame came into view. He was sitting in a chair, staring out at the ocean. She wondered how long he had been there. She wondered why he had never come after her—not that she had wanted him to at the time, but still…
They reached the porch, and Ramsey stood hastily, staring down at Jack and Lexi standing together. Jack squeezed her arm and then disappeared inside with a backward glance for reassurance. The distance between her and Ramsey kept her feet planted in the sand and him standing on the porch.
“You were gone a long time,” he finally said.
“Yeah.”
“Where did you go?”
Lexi just shrugged and pointed in the direction they had come from. She didn’t know where they had gone. She just remembered the sand, the ocean, the pier…and Jack.
“I was worried.”
Jack had called it.
“Yeah.”
“Lexi,” he said, walking down the steps and into the sand, with his hands splayed out before him, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened with me. I love you. It shouldn’t have happened. You just overreacted—”
“Don’t,” she said, holding up her hand. “Don’t tell me I overreacted.”
“Okay. You didn’t. I was in the wrong.”
“Yes, you were. You want me to be okay with Parker, with you working with Parker, after everything we went through. Then, you have a conversation like that with her…and you…” Lexi shook her head. The very thought still made her angry. “Then, you call me her name.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t know! I really, really want to be okay with Parker because this is the real deal, Ramsey. Jack asked me if you made me happy. If you did, then he said we should come back because you would be worried. Well, I’m back because you do make me happy. I just can’t figure out what to do with this relationship while Parker is still in love with you.”
“But I don’t love her. I love you,” he said earnestly, taking another step toward her.
Lexi sighed heavily. She stayed in place and allowed him to approach, but she didn’t move toward him. “Then, how can you tell her that you’re not over it?”
“Because what happened between us f**ked me up for years. Not knowing still kills me. It’s not her. I don’t want her. I want you. There’s just history between us. Surely, you can understand how hard it is to let go.”
“I understand how hard it is. I don’t understand why you would then blame me by saying I’m insecure about our relationship. I think I’ve been pretty f**king understanding.”
“You have been, and I’ve been an idiot,” he said, reaching out for her. He ran his hands down her sandy arms. “Two years ago, you put your trust in me again, and I have been a hundred percent honest with you since then. I shouldn’t have had that conversation with Parker, but I didn’t say anything that meant I didn’t love you or that I didn’t want to be with you. Please let me continue to show you that I do.”
Chapter 19
“Me?” Ramsey whispered. “I’m what’s wrong?”
“Yes. No. Yes. I don’t know,” she said, storming away from him.
“I’m not following. That ass**le had you pinned against a wall, and you looked scared out of your mind. Somehow, I’m the problem?”
“It has nothing to do with John or this moment. I’m just freaking out.”
“About what?”
“The wedding. It’s not you. It’s me. I know that sounds stupid and cliché. God, it sounds cliché,” Lexi said, pacing. “But my head isn’t on straight. I keep freaking out about it, and I try to keep it under wraps, but I can’t. It’s all coming up so soon, and I feel like I’m not doing anything for it. I can’t find a dress, and I didn’t want to find Chyna’s bridesmaid dress when I was up here. I feel stupid for being so messed up about it, but I can’t seem to make it stop. What’s wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Lexi,” Ramsey said softly. He kept her from continuing to pace and held her gaze. “I love you. If that means that I marry you in October or I marry you next October or the one after that…it doesn’t matter to me. You matter to me. Marriage is a piece of paper. You’re my lifetime.”
“I know.”
But still that feeling crept through her. She just imagined standing behind Chyna, being so happy for her friend and feeling absolutely none of it for herself.
“If it’s just the wedding, then we can postpone. I don’t care that we’ve already sent save-the-dates. We can retract them. We can say f**k it to a real wedding and go to the courthouse or Vegas or wherever and just make it official.”