“You tell me you’re in love with me now, but I just can’t believe that anymore. I just can’t. All I can think about is that night. Of how I couldn’t see anything in the darkness, and how I’d never know now if you were laughing at me that time—”
“It wasn’t like that at all—”
“But how can I believe you now?” Spencer spun around his arms and struck his chest with her fists. “You destroyed my trust in you, Etienne. You destroyed it completely—” She tried hitting him again, but all energy had left her, and all she could do was cry. “You destroyed me.”
And that was when Etienne understood something new about love.
“You d-destroyed me.”
When you loved someone, you would do anything for her—
“It just hurts too much…just hurts being with you.”
Even if it meant letting go.
Chapter Twenty
Spencer thought it would be easy to forget him. She had only known him for over two years, and their so-called relationship, which hadn’t even lasted a month, had been mired in lies and deception. It should’ve been easy to forget him, and though she tried to convince herself of this each day she woke up, it never came true, and her heart hurt crazy bad every time she remembered him.
Torv had insisted on driving her back to her apartment that night, and she had been too tired to argue with him. Kiernan had been waiting for her by the door, and the way her roommate had immediately fussed over her said a lot.
How much do you know, she had forced herself to ask.
All he said was that he had hurt you, and that you had broken up.
She tried not to think about him, but it was impossible. Memories of their times together kept popping in her mind, and it always nearly drove Spencer to tears because all she could think about was the times he had made her smile. Instead of remembering the times he had lied and hurt her, her mind kept reminding her of the times that he had made love to her…and the times he had made her feel loved.
Two weeks had passed since their breakup when Spencer received a text from Caylie, asking if she had time to meet up. The younger girl was already at the cafe when she arrived, and she jumped to her feet upon seeing Spencer.
“Luka just told me you guys broke up,” Caylie said in a small voice. “I’m so sorry, Spencer. I never meant to cause any trouble.”
Spencer forced herself to smile. “It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not,” Caylie denied as they took their seats. “You and Etienne were happy together, and I ruined it.”
“None of this is your fault,” she said gently. “You weren’t the one who lied to me.”
“Luka didn’t give me any specifics about your breakup, but I have a feeling it’s because of what I told you about sangferia.” When she saw Spencer hesitate, Caylie pleaded right away, “I know I’m being selfish here, but I just feel so awful about causing trouble between you two. So if there’s any way I could clear things up or undo things…”
“You truly didn’t do anything,” Spencer insisted. “And yes, I admit I was more than a little shocked when you told me about his reasons for needing a virgin…but it’s just not that. He lied about something else.”
“But you do know he’s truly in love with you, right?” And when Spencer only looked at her, Caylie went on determinedly, “Do you know that Etienne’s currently working on a new experiment?”
“I really don’t want to know anything—”
“It still has to do with sangferia,” Caylie interrupted, “but Etienne has a different objective this time, and it’s made him somewhat a laughingstock among our kind.” She took her phone out to show Spencer a password-protected news app that only Caros had access to.
Unable to help it, Spencer scrolled through the news stories, and while majority of its headlines were indeed about Etienne, none of it, however, was flattering. Instead, all of the articles written about him were either satiric or downright critical and contemptuous in tone. Even more surprisingly, the articles were suggesting that Etienne, of all people, was acting like an idiot—
And it hurt.
“What exactly is Etienne experimenting on,” Spencer couldn’t help asking, “that your own race would write these things about him?”
“It’s not just what he’s experimenting on,” Caylie tried to explain, “but it’s also why he’s doing this. I’m not sure if Etienne ever told you this, but the history of our race has made us shun emotions—” “Let the blood flow, the flesh burn, but never let the heart decide,” Spencer quoted without thinking.
Caylie started in surprise. “You know about that?”
Spencer couldn’t understand the other girl’s shock. “Shouldn’t I? When—” We first started going out, she almost said but stopped herself in time. Because after everything, she really couldn’t be sure about that anymore, could she?