“So how did this all come to be anyway?” Jade asks.
I tell her the entire story, keeping out the private bits—and not mentioning the current pregnancy scare. Yes, I’m still late, God, please kill me now and take me out of my misery for good. All I want is to start my period and prove that everything’s going to be okay. At least baby-wise.
My future is still uncertain though, and I hate that.
I explain everything to Jade, how Gabe and I met, how I became friends with his younger sister, the entire summer and how I pretended to be what I thought Gabe wanted me to be. How I now feel like a shit for all the lies, and how scared I am of Gabe’s reaction to the truth.
“He’ll forgive you and accept you for who you are,” she says the moment I finish my ridiculously tangled up story. “You want my personal opinion? I think he’s madly in love with you. He just hasn’t realized it yet.”
Ha, I wish. The knowing smile Jade gives me is supposed to be reassuring but it’s not working. I know he’s madly in lust with me. He downright worships my body and I love that. Really I do. I’m fairly certain I’m in love with him, I don’t doubt that for an instant.
But does Gabe love me? I don’t think so. Not yet. He cares. That’s all that matters.
Supposedly.
“I’m not so sure about that,” I say with a faint smile. “And I’m pretty positive his feelings will change once he finds out I’ve been keeping this from him.”
The look Jade sends me is painfully sympathetic. I think she feels sorry for me and I really don’t deserve her sympathy. “That’s why you need to tell him now. You can’t keep this from him much longer. It’ll be better if he hears it from you versus finding out the truth from someone else.”
“Do you mean that you’re going to be the one who’ll tell him the truth?” Is she threatening me?
“No, of course not. That’s up to you. I won’t tell Shep anything either,” she says. “I promise.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just…I’m afraid he’ll be mad at me. And I don’t want to ruin this. I really care for him,” I admit, my voice so soft I almost can’t hear myself. My throat feels tight and my eyes sting. God, if I cry right now, I will be so pissed.
“He won’t be mad. He’ll understand how your bogus story happened.”
“I don’t think he’ll care about the money thing, it’s the fact that I lied. That I’ve been lying this entire time,” I explain, needing her to know where I’m coming from. The money situation is no biggie. He’s a bazillionaire and I’m a broke joke. That’s fine.
It’s all the lies. I’m proving to him that I’m untrustworthy. And once trust has been broken…how will I ever get it back?
“I don’t know what to say. I can only suggest that you tell him the truth, and soon. Before you find yourself digging an even deeper hole,” she suggests, her voice, her face kind. I know she’s trying to reassure me and I appreciate that, but I think I’m beyond reassurance. Everything is piling up on me and I feel like I’m about to lose it.
Telling Gabe the truth now? Could cause me to lose him.
And that’s a risk I’m not willing to take.
“Why are you ladies hiding out here in the corner?”
I whirl around on a gasp when I see Gabe approach, that ever present smile curving his mouth. He comes to me, dropping a kiss on my lips and sliding his arm around my waist as he turns to face Jade. “Why are you monopolizing my woman?”
My heart beats triple time at hearing him call me his woman. I really hate when he says things like that. His words give me too much hope. “We were just talking,” I tell him before Jade can say anything.
She raises her brows at me, her expression going neutral when Shep’s gaze meets hers. “Yeah. You can’t keep her all to yourself all the time, Gabe.”
“Says who?” He tightens his arm around my waist and pulls me in so close I collide with his very warm, very solid body. “I’m selfish. Everyone knows this. If I want to keep Lucy to myself, I will.” He grins down at me, though I see something in his gaze. A flash of uncertainty, a hint of vulnerability that makes me wonder what he’s thinking. Is he still worried about the potential pregnancy? We haven’t really discussed it lately. I have no idea what he’s thinking. I’m completely in the dark.
But then again, when it comes to me and what I’m thinking, so is he.
“So I’ll be your kept woman?” I joke, but I sound tense, even to my own ears. “Is that what you’re saying?”
His smile fades, replaced with a frown.
“Um, I think that’s my cue to get out of here,” Jade mutters before she takes off.
The moment she’s gone I pull myself out of Gabe’s hold so I can face him. “What’s going on with you?”
He frowns. “Uh, dinner is almost ready? I was hoping you’d come inside and help me.”
I close my eyes briefly, fighting back the stupid tears that have been lying in wait all day. All week. “What are we doing, Gabe?”
“I thought we were hanging out with friends and eating and drinking, having a good time. But I’m starting to think you mean something else.” He pauses and I see the fire in his eyes. Are we actually having a minor fight? Yeah, I think we are. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong, Luce.”
“I don’t know. Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s wrong.” I throw my hands up in the air, feeling stupid for making a big deal out of…nothing? I’m overly emotional and I can’t even begin to understand why.
Oh, you know why. You just don’t want to face the truth yet.
“So uh, have you started yet?” he asks, his voice low.
“Have I started what?” I’m playing stupid on purpose. I know exactly what he’s talking about.
He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. I love it when he does that. I love his hair. I love everything about him. But I don’t think we know what we’re doing when it comes to all of this serious stuff. “Your period. Have you started yet?”
I slowly shake my head, not saying a word, and he blows out a frustrated breath.
“How late are you?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. I do know. “Ten days?” More like twelve, maybe even thirteen. Oh yay, thirteen, a lucky number.
Not.
“Have you taken a test yet?”
“No.” I don’t want to waste the money on one. I’m trying to save every penny because I’m going to need those pennies come next semester when money’s going to become even tighter.
“Why not? We need to figure out what’s going on,” he starts, but I cut him off.
“Don’t you mean I need to figure out what’s going on? Considering I’m the one whose dealing with all of this?” I take a step back when he reaches for me. “Don’t touch me, Gabe. Don’t try and play this off with a few choice kisses and reassuring hugs. I’m kind of freaking out here.”
“I am too, Luce. Seriously. I want to help you. Be there for you.” He lets his hands drop to his sides. “But I don’t know what you want from me.”