I remain quiet, my mind scrambling. I have no idea what to say.
“So.” She clears her throat. “What are you doing in the financial aid line? Do you need help? Do you have an appointment?”
The lady at the window yells next and without saying anything to Jade I walk away, approaching the window and letting the woman know my name and that I had a ten o’clock appointment. She glances over her schedule, checks me in and I leave the window to wait for my name to be called.
I can’t sit still. I’m freaking pacing back and forth as I watch Jade speak to the woman next, saying she has a ten o’clock appointment as well.
What are the odds that we’d run into each other here? I swear I have terrible luck. Or maybe just really bad karma. I must’ve done something to someone in another life and now I’m paying the price. Shit hasn’t been good for weeks.
This is just the crap icing to slather on top of my shit cake.
Jade approaches me the moment she’s done checking in for her appointment. She holds her hands up in front of her. “You don’t have to explain anything,” she says. “It’s absolutely none of my business. I just thought…well I assumed you were wealthy like the boys.”
I frown. “The boys?”
“Shep, Gabe and Tristan. They’re all three filthy rich and when Gabe told us he met you over the summer in Santa Barbara, that you were his neighbor…” She shrugs. “I automatically assumed. So did everyone else, especially Gabe.”
Because I never denied it. I let Gabe make up that entire scenario for me and I went along with it. I’m a total bitch. A chicken shit bitch—and that’s even worse.
“So you’re not loaded,” Jade states when I still haven’t said anything.
I neither confirm nor deny. “Please don’t tell Gabe you saw me here,” I say, the words rushing out of me as I reach for her arm and give it a squeeze. “I don’t want him to find out this way.”
“Find out what this way?” Jade asks warily. She looks nervous. And ready to be pissed at me. That’s the last I want. I just made a friend and I could lose her because I’m a liar.
I have no one to blame but myself.
“That I’m not…um.” My name is called at this precise moment and I almost sag with relief. “I need to go. We’ll talk later?”
“Oh, yes. We definitely will,” Jade says, her voice high, almost shrill. “Don’t think you’re getting out of this one, missy. I want details.”
“I’ll give them to you, I promise,” I tell her from over my shoulder as I start to head toward the open doorway and the girl who called my name. “I’ll text you when I’m done.”
“You’d better!” Jade shouts after me.
Shit. This week has been so incredibly crazy. I can only imagine what else I might have in store over the next few days. I feel like everything’s falling apart and I don’t know how to stop it all from crumbling. I’m trying my best to keep calm and believe that everything’s going to work out but it’s so hard.
Like having to deal with the fact that my period is late. I mean, yeah. It’s late. No biggie, right? Happens all the time.
But never to me. I’m regular like clockwork. You could set a watch to my period starting. I can’t remember a time when I’ve ever been late. I haven’t mentioned any of this to Gabe because it could all be for nothing. Why get him worked up? Why freak him out? I can deal.
Maybe. Barely.
I’m blaming the late period on stress. That’s what it has to be. I’ve gotten fewer hours at The Shack because business has slowed down and Barb feels bad though I understand. I’ve been on the hunt but I still haven’t found an on campus job yet. Money is tight, I rarely see my roommate because if she’s not working, she’s going to visit her stupid preppy boyfriend Chad whenever she can. He’s so rich he pays for her plane tickets so I guess I can’t blame her.
Yeah, I’ve spent a lot of time with Gabe. Quality, fun sexy time but I’m so scared to tell him anything personal for fear he’ll dump me—oh hey Gabe, I might be pregnant—oh and Gabe, the financial aid thing isn’t looking so good for me right now—and let’s not forget the fact that you think I’m some rich girl who has money sprouting out of my ears.
My lies and worries are catching up with me. I’m in so deep I don’t know how I can tell him the truth now. He’s going to be furious with me over…all of it and I’m scared.
Scared he’ll hate me. Scared he won’t want to hear the truth. Horribly terrified that once he finds out the truth, he’ll turn his back on me forever. And if I turn out to be pregnant with his baby?
I can’t let that happen. I can’t. My young, single mother raised me all alone and she struggled my entire life—I don’t want history repeating itself.
But I might not have a choice.
The financial aid counselor is nice—her name is Judy—and we discuss the options I have. I received a notice in the mail a few days ago that I wasn’t going to be receiving as much government assistance as I thought for my tuition and figured it was a mistake.
“There was a glitch in your paperwork,” Judy explains as she looks over my file. “So they’re going to take back the difference with your next scheduled distribution.
“And how much are they going to take back?” I ask as I fidget nervously in my chair.
Judy does a few calculations and then rattles off the number.
I’m in shock. “But I can’t pay for my tuition with that amount.”
“Perhaps you should consider taking out a student loan after all?” she suggests gently.
I take the fat stack of paperwork I’ll need to fill out from Judy the overly kind counselor and leave her office in a daze, my mind tripping over figures and amounts I don’t really want to comprehend.
Not that I have a choice. On top of everything else happening, I guess I need to figure out what I’m going to do about my money situation. I never wanted to take out student loans because I didn’t like the idea of having to pay them back. Starting out my career with a ton of debt on my shoulders isn’t my idea of a good time. But I need the education in order to find a good paying job so…
It’s a vicious cycle. One I’m not fully prepared to tackle, I guess.
My cellphone rings and I pull it out of my pocket to check who it is. My mother.
I hit the red button and slip my phone into my backpack. She is absolutely the last person I want to talk to. Nothing I say to her will make her happy. It’s all bad news and she’ll worry. Or worse, give me a lecture, and that’ll only make me feel worse.
No thanks.
I contemplate texting Jade and asking her to meet me later. She might understand but can I trust her with my secrets? She’s become a friend over the last few weeks and while I’ve enjoyed hanging out with her and Shep, and getting to know her especially, I’m unsure. I can’t imagine what she might think once I confess all my sins. Or what she might do—like run to Gabe and tell him everything.
So she’s a no go. Even if I was comfortable telling her everything, she’d probably go to Shep and fill him in. I can’t risk it. What I must do is talk to Gabe. Tell him my fears. Tell him my truth. Let him know how stressed I am and how much I need him. Just being with him, sitting with him and resting my head on his shoulder calms me down. The more time I spend with him, the more I fall a little more in love with him every single day.