Oh. Crap. He’s serious. I can see it in his eyes, the expression on his dear, wonderful face. Unable to help myself I reach out and touch his cheek, feel the familiar prick of stubble beneath my palm and God, I want him. Just like that. I want him to lay me down on the blanket and press his big warm body into mine. I want to give up everything for just one more chance with him, to have exactly what he’s asking for.
But it would be a huge mistake. He doesn’t want to hear my truth. He expects me to be a certain thing and I am so not what he wants. A rich girl to bring home to the parents, someone they could approve of, someone with a proper background and whatever the hell else they want.
I don’t know if Gabe would really care if I’m just your average working girl from So Cal or what but I’m scared to take that chance. Scared I’ll ruin everything between us once and for all and I don’t want to risk that.
“You touch me like that and I think you still want me,” he whispers, his voice all husky and full of promise. I didn’t realize I was stroking his cheek with my thumb.
I smile though it’s tremulous at best. Let him down easy. Tell him you can just be his friend. Lie and tell him you have a boyfriend or something stupid like that. Say anything to end this once and for all. Do what’s best. Do what’s right.
“I never stopped,” I admit like a total idiot. I blow out a shaky breath. I’m going against everything I told myself I’m supposed to do. “I’m sorry for all the stupid—”
“Sshh.” He rests his finger over my lips, silencing me, his face in mine. “I accept your apology. I’m sorry too. I thought I was doing the right thing by cutting off all communication with you. Instead, not talking to you just made me want you even more.”
He traces my mouth with the tip of his finger and I close my eyes, my lips parting. “Gabe…”
“I’m going to do this right.” His hand drops from my mouth and he releases his grip on my other hand. I frown at the loss. There’s nothing better than having Gabriel Walker touching you, trust me. “Starting now.”
“Do what right?” I ask as he stands and offers his hand to me.
“Properly woo you, of course.” He grins.
I think I’m in serious trouble.
“…And then I said I was going to properly woo her,” I finish, leaning back against my seat. “Was that stupid?”
Shep frowns, then leans across the table, his gaze never leaving mine. “What the fuck does woo even mean?”
I chuckle. We’re having breakfast sans Tristan because he would just give me endless shit and I wanted to have a serious conversation with Shep about…girl problems.
Me. With girl problems. Who would believe it? Definitely not Tristan. I don’t think Shep can wrap his head around it either.
“I’m trying to win her over. Start a relationship with her,” I explain. “You know, like you and Jade.”
“Wait a minute. Didn’t you already have something with her over the summer?” His frown deepens. I think I’ve seriously confused him.
I already bought him breakfast and proceeded to tell him everything that happened between Lucy and I over the summer. The push and pull, how I denied myself at first until finally, I gave in. And once I gave in, we were all over each other, culminating with her giving me her virginity.
Yes. I even told him that particular fact because I wanted him to realize just how serious this was. Lucy’s not some random girl I fucked over the summer and happen to like. She’s special. I want to be serious about this girl.
I firmly believe I could even…love this girl. I’ve thought this through enough to not feel like my head was going to explode every time the word love comes into the mix.
Mostly.
“We were together over the summer, yeah. But we established what we were doing as just a fling from the very beginning.” Sort of. Hell, I don’t know what to call what we were doing.
Shep shakes his head. “I’m fucking confused, man. Just pick up where you two left off and keep it going. It’s as simple as that.”
“But I want to prove to her that I’m serious,” I stress. “She gave her virginity to me, we banged like rabbits and then I packed up and left. After a while I didn’t return her texts and yes, that makes me a total dick but I said I was sorry and I think she forgave me. So I want to start over. Start fresh and remind her that I can be a nice guy. At least for her, I can be.”
Shep’s quiet for a moment, contemplating me. Making me uncomfortable. Wish he’d say something and put me out of my misery once and for all.
“You like her,” he finally says.
Fucking duh. “I like her a lot,” I reiterate. “Actually, this is beyond like.”
Shep raises a brow. “You’re in love with her?” He sounds incredulous.
“I don’t know.” I shrug, waiting for the panic to wash over me but it doesn’t. Shocking. “I don’t think it’s love. Yet.”
“So you care for her.”
I nod. “A lot.”
“Wow.” He shakes his head. “Never thought I’d see the day.”
“See the day of what? Me eventually falling in love? To be honest, I never thought it would happen either.” Ever. Love sucks. That’s what I always thought. So did Shep. We bonded over our equally shitty parents.
Now look at us.
“It still hasn’t happened, the falling in love part,” Shep points out. “According to you.”
I say nothing because he’s right. And I’m already done with this conversation. I feel anxious. I’ll see Lucy today in marketing class. We have it together twice a week and though I have no idea how she’s going to react upon seeing me, I can’t help but admit that hell yeah, I’m anxious. Excited.
Anticipating seeing that pretty face and asking her out on an official date. Will she accept? I hope so.
That I worry about her accepting my offer of a date or not is pretty hilarious.
“Remember back in the day when we used to get any chick we wanted?” There’s a fondness in Shep’s voice I find surprising. I thought he was perfectly happy being a taken man.
“Yeah, it wasn’t that long ago.” Especially for me, though technically not for Shep either.
He nods, looking nostalgic. “The three of us could walk into a bar and start a poon monsoon within seconds of our arrival every single time.”
I grimace. Seriously? How old are we? “I guess you could say that,” I agree slowly.
Shep laughs. “I’m serious. Girls would go nuts every time we made an appearance together, all of them fighting to see who could get one of us first. Wet panties galore, everywhere. And we fucking loved it. It was great.”
“Yeah.” It was. But I can reflect on it now and it was sort of lonely. I could never remember the girl’s name. One pussy after another, one mouth after another…there wasn’t anything special about any of it. I was just fucking for fucking’s sake. How sad and empty is that?
“Why you looking so down?” Shep nudges me. “You once lived for that shit.”
“So did you,” I return. “But now you’ve changed.”
“You’re right. I don’t miss it anymore,” Shep agrees.