I put my arm around her shoulders and pull her against me while we both continue to laugh. Her skin is cold and damp, but it has never felt better to have her in my arms.
Before today, I wouldn’t have said I take being able to touch Sam for granted, but as I press a kiss to her forehead and hug her closer, I realize I do. I take for granted that she’s going to be waiting for me every summer when I fly back to the island and that this perfect thing we have is always going to be perfect and no one will ever be able to take it away.
I feel invincible when I’m with her, but nothing is invincible, not even a love like ours.
“I’m going to think of you,” I say when we’ve finally stopped laughing and are sitting, staring at picturesque Hamoa Bay where Sam might have died if I hadn’t looked up from my book in time.
“I was thinking of you, too,” Sam said, understanding what I mean without me having to explain. “I didn’t want you to have this beautiful beach ruined for you forever.”
“It would have been more than the beach.” Something deep in my bones recoils from the thought of Maui without Sam. “I would never have come back to the island. Ever.”
“Don’t say that.” She pulls back to look up at me. Her face is still pale, but her eyes are sparkling with their usual life. “I love this island, and I love all the memories we’ve made here. I wouldn’t want you to stay away from places that remind you of good times because one place reminded you of something bad.”
“You dying would be worse than bad, psycho.” I brush my thumb gently across her cheek, rubbing away some of the sand stuck to her skin. “I can’t imagine anything worse. I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you, too,” she says, eyes shining when she smiles. “Thanks for saving my life.”
I return her grin. “Well, I figured I owed you from the time you saved mine. But the next one’s going to cost you.”
She arches one damp brow. “Oh yeah? Should I start saving my pennies?”
“I prefer to be paid in kisses.” My breath catches as she leans into me and her breast presses again my arm. Her bathing suit is freezing cold, but her softness against me still makes me hot all over.
“Then I’m good to go.” She’s close enough that her breath warms my lips. “I’ve got all the kisses you’ll ever need.”
I murmur my agreement as our lips meet and we kiss like we barely avoided witnessing the end of the world.
Because in a way, we did.
Sam and I both have our own separate school year lives, families, and friends. We have dreams that are ours alone, and hopes for the future that don’t revolve around the day we’ll finally be able to stop loving long distance and be together all the time. But in every way that counts, Sam is my world, and I’m hers. Dying would be preferable to trying to figure out who I am without Sam around to love.
We take our time climbing the steep asphalt drive up to where we parked Sam’s van and aren’t in a rush to get back to the campsite. We stop in Hana, get ice cream and more ice for the cooler, and eat our Nutty Bars on a park bench overlooking Hana Bay. When we get back to the campsite at the black sand beach park, we roast hot dogs, linger over dinner while the sun sets, and take a walk around the lava tubes in the purple twilight.
And when we finally climb into our tent and get undressed, we make love like it’s the first time, only better.
I’m not fifteen and so eager I have to remind myself to slow down every five seconds anymore. Now I’ve got the self-control to spend a full hour kissing every inch of Sam’s skin, telling her with every caress how much she means to me, how much I love her, and how glad I am she’s still here with me. By the time I finally slide inside her, I feel like I’m about to cry and tears are slipping quietly down Sam’s cheeks.
It’s that perfect, so good it hurts, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Realizing I’m going to lose Sam someday twists my gut in knots, but it also makes me even more aware of how precious and irreplaceable she is. I’m not going to waste a moment of the time we have together, however long that might be. I’m going to love her even more than I did before, and on the day death eventually catches up with one of us, I won’t have any regrets, only wishes.