Alanna pauses for a few moments, shaking her head as she gathers the courage to continue. I squeeze her hand for reassurance as the tears really start flowing. “I tried to sell myself to him, Victoria. I was that fucking desperate. I offered him sex if he could give me some cash.”
A weird noise escapes my throat and I realize I’m shaking my head. It’s probably coming across as judgment, but it isn’t. It’s pure heartbreak.
“I’m so sorry, Alanna,” I say. “I had no idea you were that desperate. I should have seen it sooner.”
“No,” she says firmly. “I wouldn’t let you see it. You had taken me away from my hell, and I wanted to be strong for you, make you proud. I didn’t want you to see it.”
I nod, even though I really don’t understand it. She could have come to me. I try to ignore my nagging thoughts and ask her what happened next instead.
“Well, the guy wasn’t interested in sex with me,” she says with red cheeks. “Which was actually a huge relief. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when I said it.”
“Anyway, I guess he could see how weak and desperate I was, and he seized the opportunity. He made up some bullshit story about being an undercover detective and he was working on some case. He said that me and my friend fit the profile of two women who had been kidnapped and sold into human trafficking. He told me he would give me some cash, and all I had to do was verify our names. I knew he was full of shit, but I went along with it. I tried to lie, to make up some fake names and stuff. But he knew I was lying. He shoved me up against a wall and threatened to choke me to death if I didn’t tell him your real name. I was scared, Victoria. I didn’t know what else to do, so I told him who you were.”
Alanna pauses, gulping in air and wiping the tears from her face before continuing. “As soon as he was gone, I went back to the dealer and got what I could. I came straight to the hotel and told you that bullshit story about being recognized. It was surprisingly easy at first, lying to you. I was so used to lying to Mitchell to cover my tracks. But when I saw how concerned you were for me, and thought about everything that you had already done for me, the guilt set in. I had never felt more like a piece of shit in my life than I did in that moment.”
“After we ran, I knew what I had to do. What I wanted to do. Not only had I tried to sell my body for drugs, I sold out the only person I actually had in my corner. I was lost and depressed, and I knew I had hit rock bottom. I didn’t think there was ever any getting out of it. So when you left to get groceries, I took every pill I had. I knew it wouldn’t be fair to you, to find me dead like that, but I figured it would be better than if I left and did it somewhere else. You wouldn’t stop looking for me if I did that, and I was hoping that by the time you got back to the hotel, I would be dead. You could just pack up and leave without me burdening you anymore.”
It takes a moment for what Alanna just told me to sink in. She actually tried to kill herself. The thought is unbearable.
“My God, Alanna, I had no idea. I thought it was an accident. I never once felt like you were a burden on me.” I take a moment to control my own shaky voice. “In fact, just the opposite. You were the only person in the world I had to rely on. I… I don’t know what I would have done if you had died. I would have been devastated.”
Alanna shakes violently with sobs from my revelation, and I pull her into a hug. We stay like that for a long time before we both finally calm down.
“I understand you never meant to hurt me Alanna, and I forgive you. You aren’t a bad person, you were just struggling with things beyond your control at that point. Please, let’s just forget all of this. I want things to go back to the way they were.”
Alanna nods as I pull away slightly. “I do too,” she says. “I’ve been so worried about you. And Gabriel too. He loves you so much Victoria.”
My heart swells as I glance back through the glass windows to meet his eyes across the room. Always watching over me.
“I love him too.”
Chapter Nine
Victoria
I spend the rest of the evening surrounded by Gabriel and my friends. As I watch him laughing and smiling along with everyone else, I can’t help but notice how different he is these days. He’s a far cry from the angry, brooding man I first met. When he looks at me, I can see the intensity of his love, along with his ever-lingering concern. I love this man. And now I’m free to be with him. But what does that mean for us?