He pops his head out of the water and takes a deep breath.
“It’s not her fault,” I tell him.
“No. It’s mine.”
I can’t argue that. “I can’t let you take all the blame,” I counter with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. He doesn’t return it.
“I’m not doing this, Deke,” he growls, running his hands through his wet hair to shove it out of his eyes. “I said I was done, and I meant it.”
I nod, lighting the cigarette. Taking a long drag, I blow out the smoke. I don’t normally smoke, but I need one right now. “I don’t think it was talking about Austin.”
“Then who was it talking about?” he barks.
“Maybe Becky,” I offer.
He snorts. “Why her?”
“It could have been the fact that she walked away from the accident.” At the mention of her, I take a swig of the bottle. I need to tell him … Maybe I’m having fucked-up dreams because I’m not being truthful to my best friend.
“How would they know?” he demands. “I only told you and Austin.”
Hmm. True.
I offer. “Maybe someone else was there …?”
“No!” He shakes his head. “There was no one for miles. And if there were, they wouldn’t wait until now.”
True.
I take another drag from the cigarette.
“Well … I guess, maybe …” He trails off, rethinking that option. “But what about what happened to the baby? She had to have gone to the hospital. I’m guessing she lost it.”
I stiffen at his words as I’m thrown back into the conversation I had with Becky three months ago at Mr. Holt’s house in her bedroom.
The first tear runs down her face. I watch it in complete fascination, thinking it’s a good look on her. That I should have made her fear me more than try to make her love me.
“Was it mine?”
No one knows how far back Becky and I go. Cole believes I’m in love with her, and a part of me was, but we started fucking long before he told me she had broken up with David. I had to pretend I didn’t fucking know. That just gave us the green light to go public. And the fact that Cole went all alpha for Austin, making the entire school aware he was claiming her, took the attention off what Becky and I were doing. The few whispers I did hear were shut down quickly for her sake. But we had been fucking for months prior to that. David be damned.
“So, keeping us a secret had nothing to do with you and David. It had to do with you and Eli.” Until he died. I get it now. Fuck, I was stupid for her. “Was the child …?” I begin to ask again, but my voice trails off. I chuckle. This bitch! “You weren’t even pregnant.”
“Yes …”
“No.” I shake my head. Of course. How could I have forgotten? “You weren’t.” She swallows nervously. “I remember us hooking up the weekend before that in my parents’ pool house, and you were on your period.” Her face falls. “Don’t you remember, baby?” I ask, reaching out for her. I pull her shaking body toward me. “You told me that I couldn’t fuck you ’cause it was that time of the month”—I lower my lips to her ear—“and I told you blood didn’t bother me.” Fuck, this bitch has told so many lies. “I can’t believe you let him take the fall for you.” I understand why Cole did what he did. I would have done the same thing, but this is why she never wanted me to find out. Because she knows that I can prove she lied to him. And no one wants to be on Cole’s bad side.
“Cole.” I sigh and take another quick drink from the bottle. He was man enough to tell me, so I need to do the same. I just hate that it’s like this. I should have done it the moment I realized she had lied to him.
“She was bleeding. Pretty badly. She had to require medical attention,” he continues as he stares down into the water that he loves so much.
“Becky was never pregnant,” I blurt out before I lose my nerve.
He frowns, his eyes meeting mine. “Yes, she was.” I shake my head. “She sat there in the middle of the road, next to my car, holding her stomach, crying and told me she was pregnant.”
My teeth grind. That fucking bitch … “She lied to you.”
A silence falls over us, and he just stares at me. A look of nothing on his face. The old Cole would be furious. This is the new Cole. The one who is unpredictable.
I lean forward, placing my elbows on my knees. “I went to her house after you told Austin and me that Becky was the one driving and that she was pregnant.” I start to explain. “And I demanded to know about it. I thought it could have been mine.” His eyes widen with my confession. “We were sleeping together …” I run a hand through my hair. “And had been for a while at that point. Then I remembered that I had been with her the weekend before the accident, and it was her time of the month. She couldn’t have been pregnant.” I take another drink of the vodka, but the words I just spoke burn more than the alcohol. “I’m sorry, man—”