Raina gasped in horror. She’d heard of forgotten baby syndrome and, while she’d never understood it, she could only imagine how unbelievably awful it would be to have it happen to you.
“Did no one at the day care call to see where the baby was?” she asked.
“Apparently they had a new staff member on and they failed to figure it out at first. It wasn’t until lunchtime that someone mentioned him. By then it was too late. Of course, the police were sympathetic but they had to bring charges of manslaughter and felony child abuse. It was just an awful time and it divided a lot of the people here.
“Poor Carole, she couldn’t live with what she’d done. Before their case even got to court she took her life. Six months after that Nolan was gone, too—to LA, where he’s been ever since.”
“No wonder he didn’t come back,” Raina sympathized. “It must have been awful for him to lose them both.”
Clare nodded. “It was a sad time for everyone who knew them but, of course, most of all for him.”
The old grandfather clock near the front door chimed the hour and Clare glanced at it in consternation.
“Oh, heck, is that the time? I really need to get going. Thanks so much for the help with the Christmas gift, Raina. I really appreciate it.” She cocked her head and looked at Raina with a funny expression on her face. “You know, you actually look a bit like Carole. Same coloring and similar features. You could almost have passed for sisters. She was beautiful, too. Thanks again!”
Clare was gone in a whirlwind of movement, leaving Raina alone with her thoughts. Her heart ached for Nolan’s loss. She didn’t even want to begin to imagine what it would be like to lose JJ; just thinking about it was enough to bring tears to her eyes. But hearing Nolan’s story brought a lot of things into sharper focus. Like his confidence and ability with her son and his patience. Those were all characteristics of someone who was used to being with a child.
She could almost understand him keeping his past to himself, but for one thing—her similarity to his late and obviously much beloved wife. Was that why he thought he was falling in love with her? Was it simply that she and JJ represented all that he’d lost? Were they merely substitutes for the wife and son that had been torn so tragically from his life?
It was impossible to know for sure, at least until he really talked to her. But how could she encourage him to do that? And what would she do if her fears were well-founded? Could she turn him away? It would break her heart if she did, and wouldn’t she be breaking his all over again, too? He’d already lost his wife and son. But, she asked herself, could she live her life with him, knowing that he didn’t love her for herself, but instead loved her for what she represented to him?
She’d promised herself to never again put herself last in a relationship—that things needed to be on an equal footing or no footing at all. She wouldn’t settle for being second best. Which left her where, exactly, with Nolan?
Raina groaned out loud and squeezed her eyes shut. What on earth was she going to do?
* * *
Nolan walked up the path to Raina’s house on Christmas Eve, ready to collect her and JJ to take them to the service at the nearby church. He’d debated with himself, long and hard, before accepting Raina’s invitation to go with them. The last time he’d been here in Royal at Christmas, both Carole and Bennett had been alive. Bennett had been a year old and had been a complete handful in church. Not quite walking but active enough to want to be kept busy through the entire service. The memories were still so bittersweet and painful and yet, today at least, thinking about that time didn’t bring the searing shaft of pain it used to. He missed them so very much, but he’d learned he needed to move forward with his life a long time ago. The irony that his moving forward had brought him full circle, and back home, wasn’t lost on him.
From the other side of the front door, Nolan could hear JJ’s excited chatter as he and Raina got ready. After he rapped his knuckles on the door, JJ’s excited shout of “No’an!” came through clear as a bell. Nolan felt his lips turn up in a smile that dispelled any of the lingering doubt or sorrow he’d felt about attending the service tonight. He couldn’t help but admit it. It was more than nice to be wanted.
And he wanted in return. Raina opened the door wearing a vibrant red wool coat that complemented her fair skin and dark hair perfectly. He took in her appearance and a jolt of lust rocked him. Since he’d left her in her bed last Saturday, he’d been walking around in a state of semiarousal that had tormented and excited him in equal proportions. He’d wanted nothing more than to make love with Raina that night, to stay wrapped in the comfort of her arms and her body through the dark hours and to wake with her in the morning and know that she was his. But he felt their relationship was still so new, so tenuous, that he’d needed to at least try to take things slower. To allow her time to ease into what he hoped would be their future together before taking what he knew would be an almighty step for them both.