* * *
On Thursday I call in sick, never leaving my bed except to eat and drink and piss. I’m fucking hurt and pissed at Quinn for doing this shit to us. All I want is to be with her. I turn off my phone and shove it in my drawer so I don’t call or text her.
* * *
On Friday I wake up and power my phone back on. It immediately dings with a text from Jax letting me know the new receptionist he just hired has called in sick and Quinn is filling in. He also added he’ll reschedule my appointments today so I don’t have to come in. He didn’t know when he asked her to fill in that we broke up, but since I’m sick I probably won’t be coming in anyway. Without texting him back, I throw my phone to the side and get dressed. Since my car is still in the parking lot, I decide to drive it back to my parents’ place today. I need to get the fuck away from here. Not only am I losing Quinn and her daughter, but now I’m probably going to lose my job. I spend the day working at the distillery, bugging the hell out of Salazar.
When my mom sees I’m here, she asks me to dinner, and when she invites Quinn and Kinsley, I lose it. It’s probably the liquor talking, since I drank more today than I actually helped, but I end up telling her everything about Quinn and her ex. The emotional and mental abuse she’s endured that have caused her insecurities.
“What if loving her isn’t enough?”
“Oh, Lachlan,” she says. “You can’t possibly believe that. The thing about loving someone, being in a relationship, is finding the yin to your yang. When she feels weak, you be her strength. When you’re lost, she’ll be your beacon. When she feels insecure, you lift her up. Love is always enough, but you have to be willing to love even harder during those tough moments. Fight for the both of you when she’s given up.”
She’s right. Whatever is going on with Quinn, she needs me. Even if things don’t work out, I love her. She’s become my best friend, and I’m not about to let her go through this alone.
“Thank you, Mom, that’s exactly what I needed to hear.”
After we eat dinner, I call a cab to go home.
* * *
On Saturday I wake up with renewed confidence. I text Jax I’m coming to work before he can text me shit, and then I head out to go to Kinsley’s soccer game. Aware that her game isn’t the place to talk to Quinn, I hang back and watch from a distance. Quinn is sitting on a blanket, surrounded by her family, and even from where I’m standing I can see she’s sad. Her eyes aren’t sparkling, and she has black circles under her lids. Tonight we’re going to talk.
Needing Kinsley to know I was here, I snap a photo of her kicking the ball into the net and send it to her iPad with a message: Good game!
Twenty-Six
Quinn
It’s been five days since we’ve been back, since I slipped the engagement ring into Lachlan’s pocket and kissed him goodbye. Five days since I told him I needed some space. Since I’ve felt his warm touch, smelled his delicious cologne, listened to his smooth voice. I don’t even feel like I’m living at this point, just merely surviving. Kinsley, of course, doesn’t understand what’s happened. She thought him giving me the ring would mean he would move in and become her daddy. I didn’t have the heart to explain it all to her yet, so when she asked where he was, I omitted the truth and said I wanted to spend some time with her. Thankfully, she accepted that answer.
I did call a therapist on Tuesday morning, and due to a cancellation, I was able to meet with her the same day. Her name is Fran, and she’s very sweet but also straight forward. I spent the hour explaining my past, and she said she feels it would be best if we meet twice a week at first. I agreed. Honestly, with as many problems as I have, I’m surprised she didn’t suggest we meet five times a week.
I met with her on Thursday, and we dove right in, head first. We talked about the person I used to be and the person I am now. She asked me to make a T-chart and list all of my qualities. On one side are the qualities before I was with Rick, and on the other side are the qualities after Rick. I noticed as I made the list, many of the qualities from before Rick were close to being added to the list after Rick, but only because they came back after Lachlan. So I added another column: after Lachlan. But then I deleted it…because it’s time I’m responsible for my own qualities. I’m aware I’m not going to change overnight, but I’d like to think this is a good start.