The expression on the maid’s face was truly unforgettable, and when Curdle’s draconic head had smashed through the wall to fill the corridor, why, every resident guest had then popped out from their rooms for a look at the source of the terrible ruckus, my, such consternation-Curdle squealed in gut-busting hilarity, or would have, had she a gut.
Telorast’s tiny fangs still glistened with blood, although when she’d last used them they had been much, much larger. An instinctive snap-no one could blame her, not really-had collected up a fat merchant in the street below, a moment before she herself landed to fill it amidst crashing bricks and quarried limestone, and was it not essential among carnivores to indulge in blubber on occasion? It must be so, for some scholar had said it, once, somewhere. In any case, he had been delicious!
Could one blame the shark that takes a swimmer’s leg? The coiling serpent that devours a toddler? The wolves that run down an old woman? Of course not. One might decry the deed and weep for the slain victims, but to then track and hunt the killer down-as if it was some kind of evil murderer-was simply ridiculous. Indeed, it was hubris of the worst sort. ‘It’s the way of the world that there are hunters and the hunted, Curdle. And to live in the world is to accept that as a truth. Beasts eat other beasts, and the same is true for all these precious humans-do they not thrive and preen as hunters? Of course they do. But sometimes the hunter becomes the hunted, yes? Consider if you will and you will: some bow-legged yokel traps a hare for supper-should the rest of the hares all gather and incite themselves into deadly vengeance against that yokel? Would this be proper and just?’
‘I dare say the hares would think so!’ cried Curdle, spiny tail lashing the short grasses.
‘No doubt, no doubt, but think of the outrage among the yokel’s family and friends! Why, there’d be a war, a feud! Soldiers would be called in, slit-eyed scouts and master hunters wearing green floppy hats, the king would raise taxes and a thousand whores would follow in the baggage train! Poets would sing rousing ballads to fan the flames of righteousness! Entire epics would be penned to recount the venal escapades!’
‘They’re just puffed up on themselves, Telorast. That’s all. They’re all emperors and empresses in their own puny minds, don’t you see? With all in the domain theirs to do with as they will. How dare some dumb beast bite back!’
‘We’ll get them in the end, Curdle.’
‘Us and the hares!’
‘Exactly! Rule the domain, will you? No, my friends, the domain rules you!’
Telorast fell silent then, as grim thoughts whispered through her. ‘Curdle,’ she ventured, lifting her small reptilian skull. ‘We’ll need to act soon.’
‘I know. It’s awful!’
‘Someone in the city’s causing trouble. We don’t like trouble, do we? At least, I don’t think we do.’
‘Unless it’s ours, Telorast. If we’re the ones causing trouble, that’s just fine. Perfect, in fact.’
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The expression on the maid’s face was truly unforgettable, and when Curdle’s draconic head had smashed through the wall to fill the corridor, why, every resident guest had then popped out from their rooms for a look at the source of the terrible ruckus, my, such consternation-Curdle squealed in gut-busting hilarity, or would have, had she a gut.
Telorast’s tiny fangs still glistened with blood, although when she’d last used them they had been much, much larger. An instinctive snap-no one could blame her, not really-had collected up a fat merchant in the street below, a moment before she herself landed to fill it amidst crashing bricks and quarried limestone, and was it not essential among carnivores to indulge in blubber on occasion? It must be so, for some scholar had said it, once, somewhere. In any case, he had been delicious!
Could one blame the shark that takes a swimmer’s leg? The coiling serpent that devours a toddler? The wolves that run down an old woman? Of course not. One might decry the deed and weep for the slain victims, but to then track and hunt the killer down-as if it was some kind of evil murderer-was simply ridiculous. Indeed, it was hubris of the worst sort. ‘It’s the way of the world that there are hunters and the hunted, Curdle. And to live in the world is to accept that as a truth. Beasts eat other beasts, and the same is true for all these precious humans-do they not thrive and preen as hunters? Of course they do. But sometimes the hunter becomes the hunted, yes? Consider if you will and you will: some bow-legged yokel traps a hare for supper-should the rest of the hares all gather and incite themselves into deadly vengeance against that yokel? Would this be proper and just?’
‘I dare say the hares would think so!’ cried Curdle, spiny tail lashing the short grasses.
‘No doubt, no doubt, but think of the outrage among the yokel’s family and friends! Why, there’d be a war, a feud! Soldiers would be called in, slit-eyed scouts and master hunters wearing green floppy hats, the king would raise taxes and a thousand whores would follow in the baggage train! Poets would sing rousing ballads to fan the flames of righteousness! Entire epics would be penned to recount the venal escapades!’
‘They’re just puffed up on themselves, Telorast. That’s all. They’re all emperors and empresses in their own puny minds, don’t you see? With all in the domain theirs to do with as they will. How dare some dumb beast bite back!’
‘We’ll get them in the end, Curdle.’
‘Us and the hares!’
‘Exactly! Rule the domain, will you? No, my friends, the domain rules you!’
Telorast fell silent then, as grim thoughts whispered through her. ‘Curdle,’ she ventured, lifting her small reptilian skull. ‘We’ll need to act soon.’
‘I know. It’s awful!’
‘Someone in the city’s causing trouble. We don’t like trouble, do we? At least, I don’t think we do.’
‘Unless it’s ours, Telorast. If we’re the ones causing trouble, that’s just fine. Perfect, in fact.’
‘Until it all goes wrong, like last time. And wasn’t that your fault? That’s how I remember it, Curdle. All your fault. This time round, watch yourself. Do as I say, everything I say.’
‘Should we tear him apart then?’
‘Who?’
‘The one who likes keeping the throne empty. In out in out in out, just shuffle them through. Nobody get comfortable! Chaos and confusion, civil wars and betrayals and blood everywhere! What a creep!’
‘You think we should tear him apart, Curdle?’
‘I thought I was supposed to be following your lead. So lead, Telorast! Do we rend him into little messy pieces or don’t we?’
‘That depends.’ Telorast leapt to her taloned feet and began pacing, tiny forearms twitching. ‘Is he the enemy?’
‘Is he-what? Sweetness, aren’t they all our enemies?’
‘Agh! You’re right! What got into me?’
‘Simple, he just thought to ignore us. We don’t like being ignored. People who ignore us die. That’s the rule we’ve always lived by. Snub us and we’ll chew you into mangled flaps of skin and hair! Chips of bone, things that drip and leak!’
‘Should we go and kill him then?’
‘Maybe.’
‘Oh, tell me what to do! I can’t tell you to follow my lead unless I get guidance from you first!’
‘It’s a partnership all right,’ agreed Curdle. ‘Let me think.’
Telorast paused, head lifting yet higher. ‘Gah! What’s those green blobs in the sky?’